Come Undone
by UnapologeticMS
Summary: This is how it all started, how against all odds Nelly met and got to know Opie, Jax and SAMCRO when she and the boys were 16 years old. Out of My Hands prequel.
1. Chapter 1

_Welcome to Out of My Hands prequel. I do hope it'll satisfy curiosity about Nelly and how she met & got to know Opie, Jax and SAMCRO. The first few chapters are about Nelly, where she came from, the forces that shaped her and propelled her towards Harry/Opie. It goes waaaay back to when Jax and Co. were 16. Also, I hope you'll stick with this story until it hits its stride with introduction of Jax, Harry/Opie, and Tara, but I want Nelly's story to be told first._

_I do not own Sons of Anarchy or Charming, or anything associated with them. Although I wish I did._

**Chapter 1 – True Colours**

"Okay, everyone, please settle down." Ms. Wilson called to her class full of eight-year-olds, and when the children's attention was on her, she continued, "We have a new student joining us today. Her name is Nelly Hathaway and she moved to Charming from Lodi. Please make her feel welcome."

The tall girl with long, skinny limbs and a cloud of buttery orange curls smiled at the group shyly. She pulled down on her too short t-shirt as her curious green eyes scanned the classrooms. She received a few smiles in return. Ms. Wilson thought of a good spot for Nelly and lead her to one of the most empathic and friendly kids in her class, a quiet girl with dark brown pigtails. "Nelly, this is Donna." There was no time to chat, as Ms. Wilson put the class to work. Nelly's pencil case and its contents were shabby and boring by comparison to Donna's colourful, happy ones. The dark haired girl was quick to lend Nelly her crayons and the two girls worked together contently in silence. Then the bell sounded and Donna said, "Time for lunch, Nelly. What did you bring?"

Nelly looked into her backpack and noticed there was no lunchbox. This wasn't unusual. She shrugged, "I think my dad forgot."

Donna's eyes creased thoughtfully for a second, "Let me see what my mom packed for me. She always gives me too much food." And then shared with Nelly her PB&J sandwich, carrot sticks, even her M&Ms. Nelly smiled at Donna, as she crushed candy between her teeth, rich chocolate melting on her tongue. She had a feeling she was going to like this new school.

"So who's picking you up?" Donna asked Nelly as they walked to her mom's car after school.

"My dad." Nelly said, but it sounded more like a guess than an answer.

Nelly watched as Donna ran to her mum, a pettite woman with the same dark hair and smiling eyes. She hugged her daughter and kissed the top of her head. Nelly felt a nasty tug at the base of her throat, a longing for a mother's touch, and just turned away not to see it any more. Then the mention of her name brought her back.

"Mommy, this is my new friend, Nelly. She's new, just moved to Charming."

Donna's mom gave Nelly a smile as warm as a ray of sunshine. "Hello Nelly, it's nice to meet you. You can call me Sue."

"Can we wait with Nelly until her dad picks her up?" Donna asked.

"Sure, honey." Sue nodded as Donna's older brother, Danny, joined them. Nelly watched as the family chats happily, wondering whether her dad would show up. After nearly half an hour of waiting, the school grounds have emptied, and still Nelly and Donna's family were waiting. Sue checked her watch again. "I'm going to see if we can find your dad, Nelly. You kids wait here, ok?"

Sue returned just as the Charming P.D. cruiser drove up to the school. Sue smiled at Nelly with a reassuring, but slightly nervous smile. "Nelly, honey, I'll take you to Ms. Wilson's office. She and Chief Unser there," she pointed at the short, middle-aged police officer getting out of the car, "will figure out how to get you home."

Nelly knew this wasn't good. The last time she saw the khaki-clad officers, they came with news that her mother was dead. "Did something happen to my daddy?" She couldn't help her voice from breaking. "Where is he?"

Sue's forehead creased with concern. "He probably just got caught up at work. It'll be ok."

Nelly didn't want to leave Donna and the comfort of her family. "Could I stay with you? Could you take me home?"

"Or she could have dinner with us and her dad could pick her up later." Donna pleaded with innocent eyes.

"I'm sorry, girls, but we can't. We have to find Nelly's family." Sue stooped down to Nelly's eye level and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Deputy Unser is a nice man, you can trust him. He'll make sure you're ok."

Nelly just nodded, knowing well that the decision was made for her by the adults.

"Come, I'll walk you to Ms. Wilson." And taking Nelly by the hand, Sue followed Deputy Unser into the school.

Nelly sat outside Ms. Wilson's office as the teacher talked to the cop. The door was cracked open and the girl couldn't help but overhear the conversation inside.

"I'm at a loss, Deputy. This kind of thing doesn't usually happen in our school."

"What do you know about the family?"

"Well, they have recently arrived in Charming from Lodi. I understand there's only Nelly and her father, Troy Hathaway. Apparently the girl's mother died in a car accident a couple of months ago."

"Don't know the dad. Is there a next of kin, any contact at all?"

"Let me take a look." Said the teacher as she shuffled papers, and added after a moment, "I have Linda Thornton on file. She is Nelly's aunt, her mother's sister, with an address in Charming."

"Linda Thornton..." Deputy Unser repeated the name, as though trying to recall the person it belonged to. "I think she's one of Sam Crow old ladies."

"Hardly a fitting guardian for the child."

"Well, Ms. Wilson, Sam Crow may be a motorcycle club, but they treat their own like family. The girl will be well taken care of, if it comes to that. Tell you what, I'll take the girl home first, then if necessary, to her aunt's. If all fails, then it'll be Child's Services, I'm afraid."

"How can anyone have so little concern for their own child is beyond me." Ms. Wilson's voice was sharp.

"With the mom recently dead and the two of them moving to new town, who know what's going on..? But it happens more often than you think, Ms. Wilson." Said Deputy Unser, a little sad. "I'll take the girl now. Will keep you posted."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Holding Back the Years

Deputy Wayne Unser had a slow, measured way of talking and moving. It calmed Nelly down. He also managed to find her a lollypop in his truck, which made things a little better. He took Nelly to her house, only to find it locked up and empty, her father nowhere to be found. Same happened at the aunt's house, and Unser, instead of calling Child's Services, decided to look for aunt Linda at Sam Crow clubhouse.

Nelly watched curiously as the patrol car crossed massive metal gates of the compound, and drove up to triple garage door. She saw bikers in black leather come out to meet the cruiser. Deputy rolled down the window and greeted the man at the forefront. "Hey Clay, I'm looking for Linda Thornton."

"Linda, eh?" The man called Clay scratched his thick chin, large tattoos flexing on his arms. "Must be Simon's old lady, but she ain't here. What's the trouble?"

"No trouble, but I have her niece in the back seat. Her daddy forgot to pick her up from school and Linda is the only contact we have."

Clay peered into the back of the car, where Nelly held her breath and listened. He then turned back to the cop and said, " Leave the girl here, she can play with the boys and Gemma will look after her until we find Linda."

He pointed to three boys about Nelly's age, running around with toy guns, ducking between motorcycles parked in a neat row. Two of them had blond locks reaching their shoulders, one being smaller than the other, and the third boy was taller than the two, with short-cropped brown hair. Nelly didn't like playing with boys and she shrunk into her seat, wanting to disappear. She hoped and prayed that the Deputy wouldn't leave her here in this strange, scary place. She was relieved at the cop's answer.

"I'm afraid I can't to that, Clay, but thanks for the offer." He closed the window and made a three-point-turn. Before heading out, he turned to Nelly. "Let's swing by your house again, maybe your daddy's home now."

This time they got lucky. The Deputy walked her to the front door, where a haggard man was sitting on the porch with a beer in his hand.

"You Troy Hathaway?" Deputy Unser asked without a greeting. When he got a nod in reply, he continued with steel in his voice, "You forgot to pick up your daughter from school, sir."

"I thought she'd come home on her own. The school's not that far."

"She's eight years old and new in town," the cop continued his scolding, "You make sure this doesn't happen again or we'll be forced to call Child's Services."

"Yeah, whatever." Troy scoffed, and reached out for the girl. "Go on inside, Nelly."

Wayne Unser watched the girl as she slowly made her way to the front door, her steps heavy, her head lowered. He wondered how could a child so young feel so burdened by life. The cop etched her name and address into his memory and made a mental note to keep an eye on her in the future. By the looks of it, Nelly would need all the help she could get.

The next day the story repeated itself with a different ending, as Nelly was left in the care of her aunt. She kept being shuffled from her aunt to her dad, and back again, never sure if she'd be sleeping in her own bed that night. Nelly got a house key from her dad and learned the short route from her house to school. Through it all, Donna kept her mother updated, and Sue kept an watchful eye out for Nelly. After about a month of trying to find her chance, Sue spotted Nelly being picked up by a scruffy-looking, tall man. The matching colour of their hair was a clear indication that they were related. She approached him quickly, before he had a chance to leave. As she addressed him, she hoped to keep judgement out of her voice, "Hello, are you Mr. Hathaway? Nelly's dad?"

"Yeah, what of it?" The man's eyes were guarded, almost hostile.

"I'm Sue Parker, Donna's mom. Our girls have become good friends."  
>"Ok." Troy looked at her uneasily as he herded Nelly into the back seat of his beat-up Olds.<p>

"Do you mind if Nelly comes to visit sometimes after school?"  
>"I don't mind, as long as she's home before bedtime. The girl has a house key now, she can come and go as she pleases."<p>

His careless attitude shocked Sue, but she bit back a reproach and just said, "Let's exchange phone numbers, so we can keep in touch."

The numbers were exchanged, but needlessly. Troy was never home, and Sue stopped calling after a few tries. She would just pick up Nelly along with Donna and Danny and take her home for the evening or the weekend. Troy never bothered finding out if his daughter was safe.

The Parkers had become a foster family of sorts to Nelly over the months that followed. Donna's mom was a cashier at the local grocery store, and worked only while the kids were at school, while her dad worked for the county on road maintenance. The family wasn't well off, but there always enough food to go around, nothing really lacking when needed, and they were never short on love. It was Nelly's favourite place to be. Even though it hurt sometimes to see the way Donna's mom fussed over the kids, the way their dad teased them playfully, between her own empty house and her aunt's busy life with a biker boyfriend, she would rather stay with her best friend. Nelly realized she could deal with the pain if it came with the comfort of a real family. In her head, she sometimes believed that Donna and Danny were her siblings, that their parents were her own. And they liked her well enough to make her feel like part of their family.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – California Dreamin'

The next few years were turbulent for Nelly, who's world was in a constant state of flux. As long as her mother, Ellen, was alive, her father kept his dark tendencies in check. She kept him in line, he loved her and wanted to make her happy. Their life wasn't' exactly white-picket-fence perfect, but Nelly's mother kept their lives as normal as possible, while her father moved them from one town to the next to stay ahead of creditors and collection agencies. In Nelly's mind, Troy was always a tense man on edge, constantly looking over his shoulder. It was true during his life with Ellen, but intensified once they moved to Charming. Her father's vices, the drinking and the gambling, were percolating for years, barely under the surface; now he had abandoned himself to them completely, effectively disappearing from Nel's life.

Perhaps, that was for the best, as Troy made debts with the Nords, a skinhead gang under the leadership of a snake of a man called Ernest Darby. To pay those debts, Darby employed Troy as the gang's drug mule and all around butt boy. That, in turn, lead to Troy's multiple arrests for variety of reasons: public intoxication, fraud, assaults, drug-related charges, or his known association with the Nords. Whenever that happened, Deputy Unser made sure Nelly found her way to aunt Linda's house and not the system of Child's Services.

Living with Aunt Linda had it's own challenges. She looked so much like Nelly's mother, that often Nel was caught by a gesture or a smile, or the sound of the voice, and was reminded of what she'd lost. And then, there was Linda's boyfriend, Simon "Say" Moriarty. A brickhouse of a man and a brutal enforcer for the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club. Every time Nelly heard his bike rumble up to the house, she ran to hide away in her little room at the back of the house Linda and the biker shared. He was a "good provider", her aunt said on many occasions, but there was no one to provide for, no children, and her aunt did pretty well for herself running the only nail salon in town. Many times Nelly would be woken up in the middle of the night by her aunt's cries and Simon's drunken ravings, witnessed bruises on her aunt's body the next morning. Despite dealing with her own problems, Linda cared enough for the girl to sheltered her from the violence, and did her best to care for Nel and protect her.

From the very beginning, it was obvious to Nelly that her aunt wanted to keep her as far away as possible from the Motorcycle Club at all times. She never allowed the girl to attend any of the club events and would only take her to the compound when she had on other choice. Even then, it was only for a brief time and with strict orders for the girl to stay in the car. Nel gladly sat in the back seat, her nose in a book. She respected her aunt's rules, but the sight of men wearing tattoos and leather vests, like Simon's, was the most effective deterrent. Linda also made standing arrangements with Sue Parker, ensuring that if at any time, for any reason, she could not take care of Nel, Sue would step in.

The Parkers never faltered, but as much they wanted to help, there were no legal basis for their involvement. Still, they provided the stability Nelly needed to keep her life normal in some little ways. Donna and her family had been there for all of Nelly's milestones: Sue helped her through start of her period, they all attended grade 8 graduation together, and Donna's dad was the one to give Nel her first driving lessons. Most of all, Nelly was thankful for Donna's friendship, for always being able to rely on her and her mom, for a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to.

As Nelly finished her freshman year of high school, changes came swift and furious. First, her father moved her away from Donna, the school and neighbourhood she knew to the west end of town, the Sons of Anarchy territory. This was a strategical move orchestrated by Darby, and Troy had no say in it. Then Nelly's tall, slim frame had filled in with girly curves, and she noticed that boys and men, even Troy, had started paying attention. She watched other girls giggle and flirt back, but not Nelly. Some part of her brain, a primal and hidden sixth sense, sounded an alarm every time she noticed that stare, setting off an impulse to run. Because, in her gut, she felt that behind that admiring look was a need to possess and dominate, and she was afraid. And Nelly was never as scared as when she saw that look in her own father's eyes.

She took to avoiding him whenever possible and in an attempt to disappear, Nel got into the habit of wearing long hippie skirts and loose peasant blouses, which suited her fine, as the only clothes she could afford to buy were at the Salvation Army store. But contrary to her intent, the flowing clothes only emphasized her willowy grace, intensified her delicate beauty, and the stares and cat calls continued. The world of the peaceful and loving hippie movement had captivated her imagination. She spent hours thinking what would it be like to live during the Summer of Love in San Francisco or to have been there to hear Jimi Hendrix live at Woodstock in 1969. She watched the movie _Hair_ over and over, in her head running through Central Park with Burger and the gang. The music of the Age of Aquarius, of The Byrds, Bob Dylan, Led Zepplin, and The Doors have become the soundtrack of her life. It was so much easier for Nelly to loose herself in this fantasy than to face every day life with her father. Believing that the world could be better, that we could all get along, that love would save the day, Nelly became a modern day hippie in more than just the way she dressed. Despite the storms and uncertainties in her life, by spending time with the Parkers and having her aunt's affection, Nelly cultivated the belief in the goodness of human nature, every day making the choice to be kind to others, as most people were to her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – Fields of Gold

During that turbulent summer full of change, Nelly decided she needed a stable and reliable source of income. If her dream of attending college and becoming a teacher was to be realized, she had to start saving for her tuition. She couldn't count on her father and she would never ask aunt Linda. Having a few choices of employment between a hamburger drive-in and a video store, babysitting seemed to Nelly like the most pleasant way to earn the money. She felt that she could relate to kids, keep them occupied and happy, that this was something she could do well. In a small town like Charming, Nelly knew her family history would not encourage most parents, so she decided to beef up her credentials with first aid and CPR certifications. As July came to an end, she enrolled in courses offered by St. John's Ambulance.

Classes were held in the basement of St. Thomas Hospital. Nelly walked into a large, nearly empty room covered in white tiles. The walls were lined with anatomical charts and first aid instructions, long and narrow metal tables stood in neat rows, each containing a torso of a CPR dummy and intensifying the feel of a morgue. The room seemed cold and hollow, and Nelly found herself craving human contact, so she gravitated to the only other person there, a thin girl with a mass of dark, black hair and sharp, curious eyes. Nel set her stuff on the table next to the girl's and then waved to her, "Hey, I'm Nelly Hathaway."

"Hi," the girl gave her a tight smile, "Tara Knowles."

"Tara?" Nelly repeated before stopping herself, thinking of a big white plantation house she'd been reading about recently in _Gone with the Wind_.

The girl named Tara rolled her eyes, but not without a bit of humour. "Yeah, my mom is a big Scarlet O'Hara fan. She wanted to name me after her, but thankfully my old man intervened."

"Well, it's unique."

"So is Nelly." Tara smiled at her, seeming more friendly. "How did you get it?"

Nelly smiled back, but only shrugged in response. She never really thought of her name. "I'm not sure, I never asked."

"You're not interested?" the girl's eyes narrowed.

"I just don't think anyone knows."

"Your mom would know for sure."

"My mom is dead." Nelly said quietly. Saying that stopped hurting a long time ago.

"Shit, I'm sorry," Tara looked ashamed, "I shouldn't have asked."

"It's ok, you didn't know," Nelly soothed, feeling bad for Tara's discomfort. "And it's been a while. In any case, I never gave it much thought."

Nelly was glad that the topic was definitively closed as more people began trickling in on the heels of the instructor who made a loud entrance into the classroom.

As they gathered their stuff before they left for lunch break, Tara smiled at Nelly sheepishly, "Listen, this place is giving me the creeps. Wanna get some lunch in the caff?"

Nelly agreed gratefully. At the hospital cafeteria, Tara grabbed a bag of chips and a Diet Coke, and then the girls settled on a bench outside, thankful for the sunlight and its warmth.

"Don't you have any real food?" Nelly asked appalled, as she opened her thermos of tea and pulled out a slice of banana bread she made.

"My mom's not much of a cook & neither am I. Besides, I don't see all the major food groups in your lunchbox, missy."

Nelly gave her a crooked smile, "Touché." and received a bright smile in return.

"So why are you here?" The dark-haired girl asked with a frown.

"I needed a job and settled on babysitting, so CPR and first aid seemed like good skills to have."

Tara just nodded in understanding, while Nelly asked, "How about you?"

"My mom thought this would be a good idea. She's a nurse."

"Do you want to be a nurse too?"

Tara gave a short, sarcastic snort in response, "No, not a nurse. I see how hard my mom works. She's practically the doctors' slave and is paid pennies by comparison. No, I want to be a doctor, make the decisions, run the show, get the big bucks. And get the hell out of Charming."

Nelly was astonished by how well this girl knew what she wanted. And by how completely determined and jaded she was about it.

Tara continued, scoffing, "Nice name for this fucking cesspool, Charming..."

"Why do you hate it so much?" Nelly asked thoughtfully, hoping to uncover more under the dark sarcasm of Tara Knowles.

"I mean the irony of things. There's nothing charming about a place divided by race lines and ravaged by bikers and gang wars. How long have you lived here?"

"Long enough to know that the MC runs this town. It's kind of hard to miss," Nelly confirmed vaguely, thinking of the forbidding compound and her aunt's boyfriend. "Apparently they used to keep peace and order around here..."

"Yeah, like a doberman herding the sheep."

"My aunt's boyfriend is a Son." Nelly offered the information cautiously. "She wants me to stay away from the club."

"And have you?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I?" She was perplexed by the suggestion.

"Weren't you ever tempted? You know, this idea of the forbidden fruit?"

"I try to stay out of trouble if I can help it." Nelly replied vaguely, but she thought of the trouble her father and Simon brought home. Why would she go looking for more?

"You've got more brains then I do, then." Said Tara with admiration. "Cause as much as I hate 'em, my boyfriend is one of them."

"Why are you with him, then?"

"Aww..." Tara half moaned, half sighed, her eyes softening as she smiled. "He's gorgeous, and sweet, and such a gentleman."

"That doesn't sound like a typical biker."

"Well, he's not one of them yet." Tara shrugged, "But he's a nice guy and he's totally dreamy."

"It sounds like he's worth the trouble." Nelly smiled, amused by the other girl's reaction.

"He's my kind of trouble." Tara laughed, and then added more seriously, "And I wouldn't change a thing about him."

With brief breaks, the CPR class lasted the entire day and Nelly was grateful she didn't have to endure it alone. When they were finally dismissed in the evening, the girls parted reluctantly.

"You're all right, Nelly." Tara smiled at her with a crooked, warm smile. "You should come and hang with me and my friends. I know this guy who'd be perfect for you. Here's my number. Call me."

Nelly smiled back as she took Tara's number and waved her goodbye. Weary of any match-making and aunt Linda's misgivings about the MC, Nel was fairly sure she'd never see Tara again. She let the little slip of paper fall into her oversized hobo bag and disappear forever.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - Amazing

"Feels good not to be a freshman any more, ain't it?" Jax Teller smiled broadly as he and his best friend, Harry Winston, strolled down the main hall of their high school. Jax always walked with this laid back, easy swagger of a man who owns the world. But he was the son of SAMCRO's president, a golden boy with a surfer's body and long mane of blonde hair, sweet as candy and pretty as a girl. Harry, on the other hand, was much taller and muscled, well over six feet tall, with short-cropped chestnut-coloured hair and a serious, handsome face. The boys were as unlike in looks as they were in their personalities. Jax was a natural leader, charismatic and charming, while Harry was the silent, gentle giant. But those who knew Harry well were familiar with his beaming smile and big laugh. Still, the boys had been best friends and brothers as far back as they could remember, brought up together in the life of M.C.

The boys walked into the main office, late. First day of school was always a drag, and they were in no hurry to get back to classes and homework. Both of them were bidding their time until high school was over, so they could become part of SAMCRO and start working in the Teller-Morrow garage. The office was almost deserted, save for a tall, red-haired girl who was filing out forms by the counter. Jax recognized her as a girl he's seen around the clubhouse with Linda on a few occasions. For Harry, it was the first closer look at a mysterious girl he had admired from afar. Up close, she was even more beautiful than he imagined, and was immediately captivated. The girl was frozen in a moment like a bee in drop of amber: the mass of her auburn curls, the delicate lengths of her limbs, the high curve of her cheeks, the almost iridescent lightness of her skin. And then she turned to him and their eyes met, and hers were as green as new grass in May. The girl literally took Harry's breath away, and he dropped his eyes to the floor, gobsmacked. Jax was not that shy. He walked right up to her and, in his easy going way, said, "Hey. You're new to our school, right?"

"Yeah, my first day."

"Freshman?"  
>"Sophomore."<br>"So are we," smiled Jax, pleased to find something in common. "I'm Jax, this is my best bud O..."

"Harry." He said quickly, somehow not wanting this vision to know him by his childhood nickname. He managed to bring his eyes back to hers and give the girl a stiff nod, thinking his face would go up in flames right there and then.

Jax, gave him a perplexed look, and then smiled at the girl, "Welcome to Kennedy High."

"Hi, I'm Nelly." She smiled at them, friendly but a little guarded. Jax in the meantime was signing their names into the late log.

"Did they tell you how to get to your first class?" Jax asked, always one to take control. "Cause we could walk ya."

"I have to finish those first," She gestured to the forms with the pen. "But I've got a map, I'll find my way, thanks."

"We'll see you around, Nelly."

"Yeah, see you around." Said the girl as she watched them walk away. Harry didn't dare to sneak back a glance, but he was sure that Nelly, like all girls, was looking at Jax.

The door closed behind the boys and Nelly let out a big sigh, feeling the blood returning to her cheeks. She was sure she caught glimpses of these boys at the clubhouse, and at once her deeply-rooted anxiety kicked in. Bikers and anything connected to them always equalled bad news. Still, that tall guy with a deep voice, the one named Harry, the way he looked at her made her heart race. And not out of fear. There was warmth and strength in his eyes, a quiet dependable solidity which felt to Nelly like shelter from the storm. By all standards his blonde friend was gorgeous and desirable, but it was Harry who crowded her thoughts as Nel tried to find her way to English class.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 – No rain

Nelly's late arrival inevitably interrupted the lesson and all eyes were on her as she took the only empty seat, next to a thin goth kid dressed all in black. The boy was slight and pale, with dark hair hanging in a long curtain over his face, which had soft, almost feminine features. He introduced himself as Raven and made space for her on the desk. Nelly got a feeling that wasn't a name he was born with, but didn't question it. Still, he shared his textbook and seemed quite friendly.

Not wanting to be late again, Nelly asked him for directions to her next class, American History. It turned out that they shared it as well, and Raven offered to walk there together. Along the way Nelly noticed that the boy hardly talked to anyone in the hallways and was generally ignored, with exception of a few jocks, who pushed him into a wall of lockers.

Nelly pulled him up from the floor, the thoughtless cruelty making her blood boil. "What is wrong with these guys? Can't they pick on someone their own size?"

"That wouldn't be any fun." Raven shrugged, his voice bitter. "I'm smaller, younger, smarter, different. Easy target."

"Isn't there anything you can do?"

"My mom wanted me to take karate lessons so I can defend myself, but come on, look at me." He spread out his hands, his slender frame on display, the top of his head barely reaching Nelly's chin. "Even with a black belt, do you think I'd make a dent? I'd rather spend my time on things that I actually find useful."

"Like?"

"What?" Raven asked absentmindedly.

"Like, what do you find useful?"

"Calculus and applied physics." He replied seriously.

"Are you some kind of a genius?"

"Don't know about that," he said indifferently, "but I was reading by the time I was two, doing simple arithmetic by five, and had build my first solar powered engine by my tenth birthday. I've skipped two grades and if we lived in a city, I'd be in college by now."

"So, you're fourteen and really smart." Nelly smiled at him.

"In a few more years I'll be working for NASA and building the next space shuttle," he said with conviction. Nelly liked him better with each passing minute. Raven seemed quiet and unassuming, but under all that goth exterior was passion and intelligence. He, most definitely, was unlike anyone she's ever met.

Because of the attack of the jocks, they got to class late and had to take a desk at the back of the classroom. But they weren't the last ones to arrive, as a few minute later, the two boys she met this morning walked into to the class and settled at a desk near theirs.

"Winston and Teller, please make an effort to get here on time. " Remarked their history teacher, Mr White.

"Yes, sir." Said Jax and then huddled over his notebook.

Nelly couldn't help sneaking sideways glances at the two boys. Jax soon caught her eye and gave her a little wave, while Harry averted his eyes as soon as they met Nelly's. The boys seemed uninterested in the lesson, looking very much like they didn't want to be there, but keep quiet and minded their business.

At lunch, Raven asked if Nelly wanted to hang out and she gladly agreed. They made an odd couple, a hippie girl and a goth kid sitting at a lunch room table out of the way, all by themselves.

"So Raven," Nelly felt compelled to investigate, "That's an interesting name."

The boy just nodded, absentminded again. She noticed that Raven's eyes often travelled to the far wall behind her, so she turned and spotted Jax and Harry sitting on their own right were the boy kept glancing. They were both dressed in frayed jeans and grungy plaid shirts over plain t-shirts, blending in perfectly with the rest of the crowd.

Nel's curiosity was stirred. "Do you know these two guys over there?"

"I was wondering when you were going to ask. The blonde one is Jackson Teller, the hottest guy in the school. All the girls drool over him."

"How about the other one?"  
>"Harry Winston?" Raven asked with a frown. "He's Jax's shadow. These guys are tight."<p>

Nelly gave up, figuring she wouldn't find out anything new, when the boy continued, unprompted.

"They are biker gang royalty. Their dads started Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club here in Charming, like twenty ears ago. Have you heard of the Sons?"

"Enough." Replied Nelly shortly. The one Son she knew was a brutal ass-hole.

"At first everyone thought they were hippies on bikes, the local Robin Hoods, sticking it to the man, helping out the regular folks and local businesses," The story tumbled out of Raven. "But in the last few years the MC has been involved in a lot of fights, guns were pulled. They are constantly battling it out with one local gang or another. Now it seems they are here more to control than to protect and people are afraid of them. My dad is one of the deputies, so I hear a lot of stories."

"Are Harry and Jax involved?"

"They don't have a juvie record, if that's what you mean, and I haven't seen them wearing kuttes or patches, or anything."

"Patches?"

"You know, the club logo. A big ass grim reaper."

Nelly nodded knowingly. She had seen it many times. "You seem to know a lot about this."  
>"I guess I've been paying attention." The boy shook his long black hair into his face, which was turning a curious shade of pink.<p>

"Are you guys friends?"

A sarcastic snort escaped his lips before Raven replied, "Not exactly friends, but they talk to me. Which is more than most people do." After another longing look in the boys' direction, he added. "They're all right."

Coming from a nerd and said about two jock biker kids, Nelly figured it was high praise.

Suddenly, Nelly heard a familiar voice calling her name. She turned to it and saw Tara, the girl she met during summer. Nelly felt an odd mixture of delight and uneasiness.

"Hi Cliff," Tara greeted the boy, confirming Nelly's suspicions, then beamed at her, "Nelly, it is you! I'd recognize this head of hair anywhere."

"Tara, what a surprise!"

"Surprise? It's my school! What are you doing here?" Tara seemed genuinely happy to see her.

"It's my first day. We moved over the summer and I had to switch schools."

"Oh, Nel, I was waiting for your phone call." The dark-haired girl complained.

"I'm sorry Tara, I was so busy with the move and work I never got around to it."

"Well, you're all out of excuses. Come on, let me introduce you to my boyfriend and his best bud."

Nelly was not looking forward to it at all, recalling Tara's promise at matchmaking in the past, but even more so, she did not want to ditch Raven, also known as Cliff. "I'd love to, Tara, but I'm having lunch with Raven, so maybe..."

"It's Cliff." Tara interjected.

"It's ok, Nelly," Cliff smiled at her tensely, as he gathered his stuff. "I've got to get to Computer Club anyway." And left without waiting for her reply.

"Well, that's that." Shrugged Tara, "Come on."

Nelly watched in dismay as Tara lead her her straight to Jax and Harry. Lunch time was almost over and the boys were already on their feet, ready to leave.

"You mean these two guys?" Nelly gestured discretely with her chin.

"Yeah. What?" Tara's eyebrows creased in a perplexed frown.

"I met them in the main office this morning and they're in my history class." Nelly could not believe the irony of life. The very people she was trying to stay away from were constantly thrown in her path. She could either turn around right now and just walk away, or stop resisting. Her aunt's warning rang in Nelly's head, but these two boys were nothing like what she expected.

Tara's eyes turned suspiciously on Nelly, but then she noticed her companion's eyes were directed up above Jax's head. Baffled and relieved, Tara relaxed.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 – Mysterious Ways

Harry spent the entire lunch break staring at Nelly. After months of trying to catch a glimpse of her during those rare moments at the Teller-Morrow garage, he finally had an unobstructed view, time and time again. There she was, easily the most beautiful girl in the room, seemingly completely unaware of it, and comfortably hanging with the biggest nerd in the school. She was a walking contradiction. The overdose of her proximity and the current that ran down his spine every time their eyes connected made him giddy and restless. Harry was doing his best to keep his cool, just be his old quiet self, but had a hard time staying still.

"What's with you today?" Jax remarked, obviously noticing his friend's mood.

"Being back at school is a pain in the ass."  
>"I bet it's a hell of a lot sweeter today." Jax gave him a crooked smile and punched his arm affectionately.<p>

"Get off it, Jax." He punched him back.  
>"Are you kidding me? The girl you've been pining for suddenly shows up in our school. I mean, it's like fate." Jax joked.<p>

"Shut up." Harry got up and turned to go. He hoped that Jax was right, that maybe this was his chance, but growing up among men who expressed themselves with grunts and punches, Harry learned to keep his emotions to himself.

"You better work up your courage real fast, cause Tara is walking her this way." Jax took a long look at his friend as Harry turned back and stared at the redhead, then whispered with a satisfied smile, "Well, about damn time..."

Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Harry watched the girls coming towards them. He saw Nelly's eyes connect with his first, that she was looking at him, and it gave him another jolt of that current, encouraging him. She was tall, but slender and graceful. He noticed that the top of her head would tuck neatly under his chin, and for a moment was lost in a fantasy of what it would feel like to hold her, smell her hair. He had to ball up his hand, nails cutting into his palm, to erase that image and to stop his body from reacting. This was bad.

"I'd introduce you, but I hear you guys have already met Nelly." Tara slipped in under Jax's arm and smiled up at him. In the meantime, Harry tried to tear his gaze away from the taller girl.

"That we did." Jax gave her a careless hug and then planted a brief wet kiss on her lips. He obviously noticed the ease between two girls and asked, "How do you know each other?"

"I've met Nelly last summer at a CPR course." Tara responded brightly, " I thought we really clicked and told her to get in touch with me, but we haven't run into each other until today! I'm glad we did, 'cause she's a sweetheart."

"Come on, Tara..." Nelly blushed, clearly uncomfortable with praise, which made Harry like her ever more. She smiled at Tara and added, "It feels really good to see a familiar face."

"Well, from now on you'll be seeing more than just one." Jax smiled slyly. He couldn't help being charming. "Any friend of Tara's is a friend of ours. Isn't that right, Harry?"

Harry nodded, mute again, kicking himself for being such an embarrassment. For the first time he envied Jax's ease with girls. How hard was it to open his mouth and say something memorable?

"What's next for you, Nel?" Tara rescued him, drawing conversation to more comfortable ground.

"Phys. Ed., then math with Mr. Perkins."

"Hey, that means we are in the same math class." Tara smiled excitedly. "This is awesome. Why won't you hang with us after school?"

"Yeah, we've got football practice, so you two could watch..." Jax added.

"Or read a book," Tara interrupted him with an elbow aimed at his ribcage, while Jax huffed comically as he tried to move out of the way, both of them laughing.

"Or do whatever you want," continued Jax, "and then the four of us can grab some pizza."

Harry was torn between feeling elated and completely shell-shocked by this suggestion. All he knew was that he was not ready for this yet. Either way it didn't matter, because Nelly shook her head. He thought, or maybe only wished, that she seemed disappointed. "I'd really like that, but I've got a babysitting job lined up after school. I'll catch up with you guys next time."

Harry's heart hammered as her eyes lingered on his and all he heard was "next time", and found the silver lining in her refusal. She quickly said her goodbyes and disappeared in the lunchroom crowd.

"I still think she's an ice queen," Said Jax as they watched Nelly walk away.  
>"Aw, is your ego hurt, because for once a girl didn't fawn all over you?" Tara teased her boyfriend. Any reason to argue with Jax was a good one. "She's been nothing but friendly to you. I've spent time with her and she's cool. I don't think it's about us, it's about her. She's lost her mom and practically lives with her aunt Linda."<p>

"Simon's old lady, right?" Jax asked Harry, who just nodded, but Tara answered instead,

"I wouldn't know that, now would I? In any case, I think you're totally misjudging her."

Harry was pretty sure that the fact Nelly showed no interest in Jax was the main reason Tara liked her. Still, he thought of Nelly's kind eyes, her sweet and humble ways, and had to agree with Tara. There was something fragile and fleeting about this girl. All those times he saw Nelly hiding behind a book in the compound, he never thought that it was because she was better than them, that the MC was beneath her. His gut feeling was telling Harry that it was because Nelly felt intimidated and afraid, and so she stayed out of the way.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – Runaway Train

Instead of going to a job after school, Nelly hurried home to make sure supper was ready when her father got home from a busy day of scheming and gambling. As luck would have it, he was already there and he wasn't alone. He sat at their small kitchen table, across from a huge muscled man with a bold head and covered in Aryan tattoos. The stranger was definitely a skinhead, dressed in a white wife-beater, a pair of black jeans and tall, lace up Dr. Martens. His strong features, big meaty mouth and nose, large hands and a mean look in his eye, made Nelly's blood run cold. She slumped her shoulders and averted her eyes as she rushed to the kitchen to start cooking.

While Nelly was busy preparing dinner, the men were discussing some drug deal, moving meth, and the name of Sam Crow kept coming up, tweaking her interest.

"Now, Sam Crow will probably do everything possible to kill this deal." The man her father called Darby said, "You know how much these fucking bikers enjoy messing with our business."

"Fucking John Teller and his crew, they think they own this town."

"There was a time when they did. But times are a-changing."

Both men chuckled darkly at that. They were hushing out the details of the deal, but all awhile Nelly felt Darby's eyes on her, crawling over her like cockroaches.

After a short lull in the conversation, she heard the skinhead say, his voice thick and slow. "Your old lady must have been a beauty, cause sure as hell the girl didn't get her good looks from you."

"Take a picture, it'll last you longer." Her father growled, but stopped at that.

"You dirty old man," Darby smirked at Troy, "You want this sweet little peach all to yourself, just don't have the balls to take a bite and run off anyone who'd try."

Nelly sneaked a shocked glance at the pair of them. Darby spoke aloud her own suspicions. She watched Troy's shamed expression turn into rage, and had to get out of there. She grabbed a half-full bag of garbage and left the two arguing men behind.

Nel threw the bag into a bin and stood there waiting, hoping Darby would leave soon. He did, but as Nelly was trying to sneak back inside through the side door, he stepped in front of her, his huge tattooed arm blocking her way. "How old are you, sweetheart?"

Nelly's stomach churned with fear, but she cast down her eyes and refused to answer. Darby's strong hand pulled up her chin firmly until her eyes met his. "I figure in a few months you'll be ready for me, and then I'll give you a roll in the hay you'll never forget."

Nelly couldn't be more glad to see her father appear in the doorway. "You still here, Darby?"

The big bold man gave them both a nasty, cunning smile, then walked away leisurely. Nelly let out the breath she's been holding. She hoped and prayed that what Darby said was a cruel joke, but her skin crawled at a possibility that one day he might do good on that promise.

She went back into the house and set a plate of food in front of her father. She lost her appetite and felt like she needed a shower. Instead, she locked herself in her room and reached out for the phone, speed-dialling Donna's number. "Hello, Parker's residence," Donna's voice echoed down the wire. It sounded so far away, it might as well have been coming from China.

"Hey Donna, it's Nelly." She tried hard to keep tears out of her voice, still shaken by the confrontation with Darby. "How was your first day at school?"

"All right, I guess," Donna answered in her usual, relaxed way. "But it wasn't the same with you gone."

"I'm sorry." That's all Nelly could think of. "I wish we were still going to school together."

"I know. How about you? Tell me about your day." Nelly could picture Donna stretching out on her stomach on the pink carpet next to her bed, preparing for a chat.

"It was interesting. I've run into some old acquaintances."

"Oh yeah?" Donna's curiosity was stirred. "Do tell."

"Remember that girl Tara I told you about? The one I met at the course at St. Thomas?"

"The biker chick?"  
>That made Nelly giggle, "No, she's not a biker chick, just dating a son of an MC biker. And by son I mean blood relation."<p>

"What about her?" She asked impatiently.

"It turns out she's in my new school and we share a class. And I got to meet her biker boyfriend and his buddy."  
>"Oh my god, Nelly, what were they like?" Donna had cultivated a healthy fear of the MC thanks to Linda's stories and her own mother, who couldn't help being apprehensive, and a very keen curiosity.<p>

"Surprisingly normal. Actually, regular dudes." Then her thoughts turned to silent Harry, the image of his face making her feel less afraid. She let her mind wander. "The boyfriend seemed like a pretty boy player type, but his friend was very different. Kind of quiet. I don't know... There was just something about him."  
>"Wow, you really noticed the friend." Donna giggled. "What was his name?"<br>"Harry. Harry Winston." Nelly replied, and shrugged. "Well, it was hard not to notice him, the dude is seriously tall."

"You mean taller than you?"

"Yes! Imagine that!" They both laughed, but Nelly's mood changed quickly as she added, "It's nothing, Donna. You know my aunt would kill me if I expressed any interest in anyone remotely related to the club. And besides, I'm really not interested."

"Well, if anything changes, you let me know, Nel." Donna's laughter died out and she asked. "How are things at home?"

"The usual." Nel gave a big sigh, for a moment weighing whether to tell Donna about Darby. Almost instantly she decided against it. "So far no trouble."

"You know you're always welcome here, Nel. I miss you so much, and I think my mom does too. It's been ages since we've had our chick flick night. It's just not the same without you."

"Tell her I miss all of you." Nelly's eyes watered again. "I really do, Donna."

"Listen, we'll come pick you up on Friday, have a sleep-over weekend."

"That would be awesome." Nelly was grateful for the invitation. "I'll be in touch."

She put down the receiver and felt the urge to get on the bus, to go to her best friend's house right away. Instead, she pick up the phone again, spoke with her aunt, and within minutes had her duffel bag packed. On her way out, Nel called out to her father, barely lucid in front of a TV. "Dad, I'm going over to aunt Linda's house for the night. She needs my help at the shop tomorrow." That was a lie - Linda never let her work at the nail salon, as it was a hang out for the women of MC. Still, she needed a cover, and most of all, she wanted to get out. Troy only gave her a grunt and a wave of a hand, while he drank his beer. She took it for a sign of consent and left through the side door.


	9. Chapter 9

_First of all, I apologize and appreciate your patience with my tardy updates. This chapter was a bit of a roadblock & I have high hopes I'll be able to post new updates more often. And, as you all know, RL sometimes gets in the way ;) All the best for the New Year & as always, THANK YOU for reading._

Chapter 9 – Constant Craving

For the next couple of weeks Nelly stayed with Linda, but worked most afternoons after school and spent her weekends with Donna. This gave her a convenient and truthful excuse for Tara and the boys, because she did not want to lie to them and invent some stories. Nel felt bad enough seeing the flash of disappointment cross Harry's eyes every time she refused their offer to hang out. Despite all Nelly's efforts to disappear right after school, Tara consistently sought her out in the hallways, and by extension Nel would see the boys quite often, especially at lunch when Cliff would run off to one club or another. As the time passed, she was glad to see Harry become more comfortable around her - he talked more, even if not directly to her, and making eye contact wasn't a problem when their eyes met. Short of being rude, it was impossible to avoid her new gang. And that was the last thing Nelly wanted to do. Along with Cliff, they were the only friends she made in the new school, and most surprisingly of all, she actually enjoyed their company.

In the short time Nel knew her friends, it became clear Tara and the boys didn't belong to any of the usual high-school cliques. In some ways they seemed to be outcasts, like Nel and Cliff, but on their own terms. For whatever reasons, maybe the same ones that kept Nel away, their social circle was small and tight. Jax and Harry didn't follow anyone's lead, and unlike most boys from their school, who ran to the arcade as soon as the bell rang, the two of them headed either to football practice or Teller-Morrow garage to learn the trade, and seemed to stay out of trouble. Still, their reputation, based on little more than their relationship to the M.C., preceded them and outrageous, stupid rumours about them kept circulating.

Sure, girls drew to Jax like flies to honey, but Tara's presence was always a very effective deterrent. It was obvious he had a natural charisma, that he commanded the room as soon as he entered it and people would listened. But he didn't seem comfortable with being centre of attention, and shied away from contributing in class. Harry, on the other hand, was his stoic, thoughtful partner, but stood out in other ways. As Nelly navigated the school hallways between classes, she found it hard not to notice Harry's head sticking above everyone else's, often a beaming smile transforming his face as he talked with Jax. He towered over everyone, quietly confident, his face handsome with a narrow nose and masculine angles to his jaw. Most impressive of all was, that for all his size and power, Nel had never seen Harry use it to intimidate and bully. On contrary, she had glimpsed him standing up to bullies, a pack calling themselves the Red Necks, who terrorized anyone smaller and weaker. It was clear to Nelly that Harry and Jax had this thing about being the protectors of the weak, the champions of the bullied, the moral compass of the school. Jax and Harry were to their high school what the M.C. was to Charming back in the good old days. The way they did it was so understated that someone had to really pay attention to notice. And Nelly never failed to notice.

One afternoon, Nelly was late getting changed after gym, it seems everyone was gone already, off to the next class. The entrances to the gym change rooms were in a little nook, behind a tight corner, and a perfect spot for any illicit activity. As she was about to leave, Nel noticed a couple of the Red Necks, Brett and Alex, ganging up on Cliff. They were roughing him up pretty good, and although Nelly was scared, she couldn't let them continue. She stepped out and said the first thing that popped into her head. "Hey, Cliff. Everything ok?"

Poor Cliff was crying and his nose was already bloody, but all he said was, "Yeah, Nelly."

Nelly has had enough, she felt her blood boil. "Leave him alone or I'll call Mr. Atkins." He was a big, muscled gym teacher and never afraid to lay hands on school troublemakers.

"Mind you own business, red."

"You are hurting him. Just let him be, ok?" Nelly decided to plead instead, knowing she was cute enough to get away with it, but misjudged the situation.

The bigger one of the two, Brett, left Cliff and stalked towards her, crowding Nel with his height, pressing her against the wall. "Or what? You're gonna let me have it?" There was a nasty, dangerous glint in his eye, and Nelly was sure he was going to hurt her.

That was when she heard a familiar, low voice behind him. "No, I'm gonna let you have it."

Brett turned to the voice and Nelly saw Harry standing behind him, his shoulders wide, big hands balled into fists, strong arms flexed and ready for action. Now that his usual beaming smile was off his face and his eyebrows knotted grimly, he looked pretty dangerous himself. The bullies noticed it too. "Hey, no harm, no foul. We're just talking."

"Cliff's nose is bleeding and Nelly looks scared. I don't think they like talking to you." Harry's tone was serious. "Now leave them alone."

The bullies looked at each other. It was two against one. They turned away from their weaker victims and onto Harry. At that moment, Jax came from around the corner, "Hey Harry, what's happening?"

"These two shitheads have been roughing up Cliff and Nelly."

The young Teller looked at the two bullies with a level eye. "Leave them alone for good or next time you'll have to deal with Harry and me. And trust me, we won't be easy pickings."

Brett and Alex exchanged a dark look and turned to go. Brett spat "Fag!" at Cliff and kicked a pile of his notebooks, sending pages flying. On the way out, Alex got in Jax's face and whispered, "This ain't over, Teller." Jax didn't back down, but said nothing, and the two Red Necks left.

Nelly breathed a sigh of relief, letting go of a breath she's been holding anxiously. Then they all stooped down to help Cliff pick up his stuff. As Jax handed over books to the dark-haired boy, he asked, "You're ok, Cliffy?"

"Yeah, Jax, thanks. You know how these assholes are."

"They bother you again, you let me know."

Cliff just nodded and, with last wistful glance at Jax, hurried away.

Jax turned on the girl, shaking his head. "Nelly, what the hell were you thinking?"

"What was I supposed to do? Hide while they beat Cliff to a pulp?" Nelly resented Jax acting bossy, the adrenaline still surging through her. Then Nel caught on that he was impressed and she relaxed with a sigh. "Jerk," She grumbled, as they smirked at each other.

She looked at Harry, expecting his easy smile, but his eyes were still serious and concerned.

"Stay away from them, Nelly, they're bad news."

"Lucky you and Jax showed up." Nelly said sincerely.

"Lucky." Harry nodded grimly, then added blushing. "I don't want you to get hurt."

Nelly registered what he said, and blushed too. Did he really mean it? Her heart raced and she didn't know what to say, so many replies rolling through her head, none fitting, so she relied on the obvious, "Thanks, guys. I'm late for my math class, I better go." And with a grateful smile at Harry, she left.

As far as Nelly could remember, this was the first time a man stood up for her, defended her from another. She couldn't wrap her head around it, the contradiction between the way Harry behaved and what she's been always told to believe, but from that day, every time she saw Harry in the hallways, he would give her a big, warm smile and her heart would skip a beat. His whole face, whole body, transformed when he smiled, his eyes sparkled. To Nelly, that smile was like a beam of moonlight in the dark of night, and she held on to it when she returned home to her father.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 – Know Where You Go

Beautiful and warm fall, Nelly's favourite season of the year, was in full swing. As she walked to school on a glorious early October morning, she watched cool breeze stir falling leaves, sunlight bouncing off their many shades of green, red and orange. She finally felt settled in the new school, although she still missed Donna terribly. Spending most weekends with the Parkers in small ways made up for long weekdays in between. And of course now she had Cliff and Tara and, by extension, the guys. She smiled as she thought of them. Unexpectedly, Nel felt like she belonged, like she was meant to be here.

Tara caught up to Nelly as she was crossing the school parking lot.

"Nel, I wanted to ask you a favour." She smiled her most disarming smile, reserved for failing grades and trouble with the principal.

"What is it, Tara?" Nel suspected a trap.

"Can you please come with us to the fair on Saturday?" Tara pleaded, "Three is company and Jax insists on bringing Harry along wherever we go. I mean don't get me wrong, Harry is a real sweet guy, but man, it's becoming such a drag. We never have any time on our own."

"You know I spend my weekends with Donna." Nel frowned, foreseeing complications to come. "Don't you have other friends you could ask?"

"You're the only girl I know who doesn't have hots for Jax. I wouldn't trust anyone else." Tara laughed, but her eyes were hard. Tara kept all of them at arm's length. All, except for Nelly.

"Well, you've got a point there," Nelly agreed, as she thought about cancelling on Donna and getting out of aunt Linda's house without an interrogation. On the other hand, she wanted to go and resigned herself to it. "All right, but only this once, and only because you've asked me."

As soon as she agreed, Tara enveloped her in a big hug. "I owe you big time, Nelly. Thanks."

"Yeah, yeah..." Nel mumbled with a smile as she watched her dark-haired friend rush into the building. The truth was that because of Tara and Jax, Nelly was thrown in with Harry so often, she hardly gave it another thought. The two of them were left to their own devices, mostly just sitting quietly together or catching up on homework, while the couple next to them made out, flirted and argued, often in very quick succession. Nel refused to think of it - this favour for Tara - as a double date, because it was _not_ a date. This won't be any different than hanging out together at lunch, thought Nelly as she followed Tara into the building.

On Saturday, Nelly was feeling a bit nervous as she waited to be picked up. She was wearing her usual bohemian clothes and just a touch of make up, brushed out her curls and let them fall freely on her shoulders. She was taking the last look in the mirror, pulling down the peasant blouse over her jeans and adjusting the strap of a hobo bag over her shoulder, when aunt Linda stepped into Nel's room, a glass of whiskey in her hand.

"You're going out with your friends?"

"Tara asked me to come along to the fair with her, Jax and Harry."

"Teller and Winston?" Linda's forehead creased, her eyes narrowed.

"Yes, they're Tara's friends."

"You remember what I told you about the MC, Nelly." She took a sip of liquor, and continued with bitterness in her voice. "Don't let it suck you in. Look at how your mom and I ended up, mixed up with the wrong kind of men. Because we thought bad boys were so romantic. Your mum wouldn't want that for you, baby, and neither do I."

"I know, auntie. It's just friends hanging out," Nel put her hand on the older woman's arm and rubbed it affectionately. She tried to reason with her, "but these boys are nice, they're not like Simon."

"They're young, Nelly, and life has a way of changing people. I've known their fathers for years, and they both have hot tempers. Sooner or later the boys will follow. They'll become Sons, for better or worse. It'll happen, Nel."

Linda's brooding musings unsettled Nelly, but she said nothing. Whatever Linda's concerns and motivations were, Nel judged them against her own experience and couldn't help but ignore her aunt's misgivings. Linda set the glass down on the dresser and drew the girl into a hug. She whispered with tears in her voice, "I'm just trying to look out for you, honey. It's bad enough that I'm their bitch. You, they can't have."

When Jax's Mustang drove up to the curb, Tara was already in the front next to Jax, with Harry folded up into the back seat behind him. Nelly climbed in and settled next to Harry, putting her bag between them.

"How are you doing back there, Nelly?" Jax asked, looking into his rear-view mirror. "Enough space for you and the Sasquatch?"

Harry's knee shoved Jax's seat ever so slightly, as Nelly replied honestly, "Fine." Sitting next to Harry made her feel small, girly, fragile. She found the sensation curious and unexpectedly attractive.

"We could have taken my truck." Harry grumbled, referring to his big, beige pick up. Like Harry, it was understated and dependable.

"Yeah, we could've, but instead we're travelling in style."

"Uncomfortable style," said Harry simply, made Nel smile. She glanced at him and he smiled back. She couldn't agree more.

"You know, Jax, Harry is right. This Mustang of yours is a sardine can," Tara echoed her thoughts, "My old man's Impala has way more leg room."

"Why won't you all just lay off my ride? It's getting us where we need to go." Jax teased back. "I bet your Impala can't do this." He turned on the stereo and RHCP Give It Away boomed all around them. Nelly would have preferred Aerosmith or Creedence Clearwater, but she could get behind this. Soon, all of them were bobbing to the music and any further conversation became impossible.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 – Perfect Fairground Attraction**

As soon as they arrived at the fairground and Harry extricated himself from the back seat, Jax and Tara went straight to a huge Ferris wheel. He fell into step next to Nelly, watching Jax and his girlfriend walking ahead of them hand in hand. The tall guy felt a quick pang of envy, wanting this so badly for himself, while the girl he longed for was right next to him, yet so desperately out of reach. Nel had always been nice to him, never acting coy or flirty, never playing mind games like so many girls did, always trying to put him at ease. There were times when he though maybe it was Nelly's way of encouraging him, opening doors, but at other times he felt sure she did it out of compassion for his awkwardness. This pity date Tara arranged only made things worse. Still, the joy filling Harry in Nel's company was worth all the uncertainty he felt when they were apart.

Harry noticed Nelly's pace slow down as they neared the wheel. She was clearly hesitating. It was a ride for couples after all, and the usual doubts resurfaced in Harry's mind. He decided to make it easy for her, "You don't have to go, Nel."

Jax and Tara were already in a line-up, urging them on. Jax called mischievously, "Come on, Nel, he won't bite."

Harry watched Nelly's face transform from an anxious frown to fierce determination, and then she smiled up at him and said, "Let's go."

Harry steadied the swinging cart and took Nelly's hand to help her get in, then sat down next to her. The seat was quite narrow, allowing only a hand's breadth between them. As the wheel began to ascend, Nel closed her eyes and grabbed hold of the metal enclosure. "Something wrong, Nelly?"

"It's nothing..." Nelly wrinkled her forehead, her cheeks colouring, then continued, "Just this stupid fear of heights I have."

"You should have said something, we'd have stayed on the ground."  
>"And let Jax think I'm afraid of you?" She have him a crooked smile, her eyes still closed. Harry smiled too, admiring her courage. But her face blanched as they began to descend, and she swallowed hard, "Besides, I've got to face my fears sometime, right? Even if it feels like I'm falling off a cliff."<p>

He acted on instinct when he took her hand, gripping the seat between them, in his. "Here, does that help?"

She opened her eyes to glance at him in surprise, but closed them quickly as they began to ascend again, "Yes, actually, it does."

Nel was quiet through all of the next revolution of the big wheel, while she held Harry's hand in a vice-like grip. Still, he worried he said or did something wrong. "You probably think this is a stupid come-on..."

"Oh, no," she shook her head, "I'm just afraid that if I'll start talking, I'll throw up."

It occurred to Harry that a conversation would be a good way to pass the time and to keep Nelly distracted. He wasn't much of a talker, but it was the least he could do for her. She was on this ride, after all, because of him. "In that case, I'll talk."

He cleared his throat nervously, trying to come up with something they might have in common. Family, that was usually safe. "You don't have any siblings, do you?"

"No, it's just my old man and me."

Then Harry remembered about her mom, and what he thought was a safe subject turned into a minefield of awkwardness. A pause stretched.

"How about you?" She asked and got the conversation moving again.

"Same. I mean no blood siblings," Harry stumbled, "My parents don't get along well enough for that."

He saw corners of her lips lift up in amusement. "It must be nice living with an anarchist dad. No rules, no curfews?" Nelly teased.

"You'd be surprised how strict he is with me." Harry laughed, "I have to work in the garage after school to learn the trade. And I have chores at home. But it's ok, you know where you stand with my dad."

"How about your mom?"

"My mother is a total nag." Harry had very little love for her, but quickly realized he was being insensitive and added gently, "I'm sorry, Nel. Your mom is gone and I'm being an ungrateful prick complaining about mine."

"It's ok. We're teenagers, we're supposed to hate our parents," Nelly tried to make light of it, obviously not wanting him to feel worse.

"How about you? What's your dad like? I mean, I've heard about him, but..."

"He drinks and gambles more than he can afford, runs with the Nords," Nelly confirmed darkly. "But as long as I have supper ready for him at the end of the day, he lets me be." Then she changed the topic, "You and Jax seem very close."

"We've been best friends since... well, forever." He thought about what Nelly shared about her parents and felt the need to reciprocate. "Jax's baby brother died of a heart defect when we were kids. So we're brothers, as thick as blood."

Nelly thought about it for a moment, "Well, I guess it's like me and my best friend, Donna. I love her like a sister and her family treats me like one of their own."

"So you know what I mean." All awhile, Nelly's eyes were closed, and Harry was grateful for this uninterrupted time, taking in the curve of her full lips, the long shadows her eyelashes were casting on porcelain-perfect cheeks. It was a good thing she didn't see him right now, because there was no doubt he looked like a puppy-eyed dope. Way up here, with no distractions and away from everyone, Harry suddenly felt that he could confess what's been on his mind, "You know, I've seen you by the clubhouse with Linda, but you always keep to yourself."

"She doesn't want me hanging around the club."

"But she's an old lady, right?"

"I think that's why," Nel said cautiously, "Between her and my father, I never heard anything good about the MC."

"I hope you don't believe everything you hear." Said Harry quietly, a bitter note creeping into his voice.

"No, not usually." She answered thoughtfully, then asked, "Do you think I'd be here if I did?"

He thought about it for a moment. She was sitting next to him, they were holding hands. Relief flooded him. "Good point. To us, SAMCRO is one big family."

Nelly's forehead wrinkled, "My aunt always calls it the club or MC."

"We call it SAMCRO." Then he wrote the acronym on top of her hand with his finger. "Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club Redwood Original."

"You're going to laugh, but I always thought Sam Crow was a biker's name," She giggled, "Now it makes sense."

It made Harry happy to see her so relaxed, so far from the anxiety he saw in her face when they just got on that damn wheel. Suddenly, the ride stopped, their cart at the top of the big curve.

"I think they've started letting people off." Said Harry looking down to the seats below them, more sorry than relieved that their time together was coming to an end. "It'll be our turn soon."

A few minutes passed, yet the wheel hasn't moved, and he could feel Nelly tense up again. She opened her eyes for a moment, but seeing how high they were, quickly closed them again, became very quiet and still. Harry wanted desperately to get back to that magical moment when he first took her hand in his, made her laugh. Getting her out of here as soon as possible became his top priority.

"What's the hold-up?" He called down to the operator.

"A kid got sick, made a mess. It's gotta be cleaned up."

"It shouldn't be long." Nelly said to him, her voice a bit shaky. "Can we talk some more?"

"Sure," Harry agreed eagerly. He thought of all the things he always wanted to ask her, so he started with something simple, "What's your favourite colour?"  
>"Green."<p>

"Like your eyes." The words slipped out of his lips before he realized, and he blushed fiercely.

"Like yours too." She said quietly.

It struck him mute that she'd noticed, and Harry forced himself to open his mouth again and ask another question, "Do you like ice-cream?" So many girls denied eating sweets.

"I've never met a banana split I didn't like."

"No kidding? Banana splits are my favourite, with loads of chocolate sauce." Finding out they had this silly, insignificant thing in common, made him feel insanely happy. At that moment, the wheel jerked and began descending. Little by little, they were getting closer to the ground.

Just before they got off, Nelly opened her eyes and let go of his hand. The bubble had burst, the magic had ended. She smiled at him, "Thanks, Harry. Your next banana split is on me."

He just blushed in reply, his eyes reaching for his boots again. Somehow, getting back drained the courage and ease he found with Nelly up at the top of the wheel. Jax and Tara were waiting for them already, complaining about all the time they've wasted. Harry thought the exact opposite – it was the best time he's ever had with a girl.

Jax was eager to try the rock climbing wall and, of course, took Harry with him. Nel felt like she needed an injection of sugar into her system. She was torn between many carnival offerings to find something that would satisfy her craving. Finally, the girls settled for cool, sweet lemonade. They sipped it slowly while they watched the boys strap into wall climbing gear. Tara broke the content silence, "So, you and Harry talked the whole time you were up there?"  
>"Yeah, most of the time."<br>Tara made a perplexed face, "I'm amazed he talks to you at all. He's painfully shy with girls, practically afraid of them. I bet it's because his mother is such a mean old hag."

Nel was stunned into silence, then thought of the most obvious explanation. "He probably felt sorry for me. I was a total basket case."

"What do you mean?"  
>"I have a terrible fear of heights," Nelly admitted. "Harry kept me sane up there. He was so calm and reassuring that for most part I forgot where I was."<p>

"Wait a minute," Tara turned away from the boys, who by now were half way up the climb wall, and zeroed in her attention on Nelly, "So, are you telling me you've braved your phobia because you didn't want to hurt his feelings?"

"Telling him the truth would sound like a lame excuse for not wanting to be around him. So what choice did I have?"

"You are either very considerate and self-destructive, or totally smitten."

"Neither." Nel laughed at Tara's outrageous conclusion. "Now remember, I'm here because you've asked me."

"But do you _like_ him?"

"Was this your intention all along?" Nelly began feeling like Tara had pulled a fast one and it got her annoyed. "This misguided matchmaking?"

"Not at all, I'm doing nothing. Now tell me, what do you think about Harry?"

Nelly knew Tara wouldn't relent until she said something, so she replied vaguely, "He's nice."

"Nice? So at least there's potential?"

Her friend was clearly teasing, but Nelly thought of Simon and Darby, and men like them, and how much she despised the way they looked at her. "I really don't know, Tara, the guys I've come across in my life had turned me off boys and dating." Nelly considered her conflicted feelings, the crumbling wall she had worked so hard to build. There was nothing Harry did or said that would make her dislike him. On contrary, his quiet, reserved nature, the sense of calm and safety she felt around him, was a draw she found hard to resist. She couldn't help admitting, "But Harry is different."

"The two of them might be biker kids, Nel, but they are good guys." Tara told her seriously, as though she was reading Nel's mind. "Otherwise, I wouldn't be around. If that's the only thing stopping you from giving Harry a chance, then it shouldn't."

Nelly just shook her head, fear winning over a glimmer of hope. "I just don't need this sort of thing right now." She said seriously and thought, better safe than sorry.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 – I Walk the Line**

Despite what she told Tara at the fair, Nelly felt terribly uncertain and confused about everything - what she wanted, what was good for her, who really mattered to her _right now_. Nel tried not to think of the way her heart melted when Harry smiled at her or the way she could still remember the strong, comforting touch of his hand on hers every time she closed her eyes. She figured it was a natural state for a teenaged girl with too much on her brains. Work kept Nel sufficiently occupied most of the time – she got a steady job of looking after two siblings, eight-year old sister and seven-year old brother she'd pick up after school and sit until their mom come home from work around 5 in the afternoon. She was occasionally called in by the parents for a Saturday night, but mostly had weekends to herself and Donna. Nel also took to attending boys' football games with Tara. She was far from a sports fan, but being swept away in excitement of a game was a thrill like no other, especially when Harry would make a deciding tackle or Jax scored a touchdown . They were quite good, she was told. Regardless of her uncertainties, spending time with Harry, Tara and Jax made her happy. She wasn't about to deny herself one of few good things in her life. Not for any reason.

Nelly watched Simon getting ready to go to club dinner at the Tellers on a Friday night. Her aunt refused to join him and Nel was sure the new bruises, Simon had recently graced Linda with, had something to do with it. Linda didn't love the club, didn't like being involved in its social life, so the excuse was welcome. Soon after he left, Nelly got a call from Tara, "Hey girlfriend, doing anything tonight? 'Cause Jackson called, and him and Harry need a reason to get out of a family dinner. They want to go to Folsom Lake." The state park was a popular hangout for families and teenagers, with a large lake and a rocky beach, not quite an hour's drive from Charming. The evening was balmy for late October, a true Indian Summer night, and Nelly couldn't think of a better way to spend it. Knowing well that there was a chance she might see Simon at the Tellers, she told aunt Linda where she was going. Nel was covered for the evening, and what she and her friends did after they left Jax's house didn't matter.

The girls arrived just in time for dessert. The Teller's wood-panelled dinning room boomed with cheerful conversation and laughter, bikers and their old ladies settled comfortably around big wooden table laden with delicious food. Nel recognized Jax's father, John Teller, at the head of the table, his V.P. Clay, Piney, Simon, and a few others she didn't know by name. Jax and Harry, chastised by Gemma for not inviting them to dinner, got up quickly and gallantly brought in extra chairs, settled the girls right between them. As a new face, Nelly instantly became centre of attention, which unsettled her, and she was glad at Harry's constant presence by her side. He introduced her as his friend and easily fended off any questions and comments with a smile. Everyone around the table, with exception of Harry's mother, proceeded to call him Opie and tease him about Nel being his girlfriend. Although they were both embarrassed by it, Nel could tell the ribbing was affectionate. She saw the glad smiles people close to Harry gave her, the way they looked at the two of them like they knew some secret she wasn't privy to. In some ways, it made her nervous, in others, it was hard to deny their good will and welcoming spirit.

"Forgive the old folks," Harry apologized in a whisper, as he handed her pumpkin pie, "Not often do they get a new topic for conversation."

"Let them have their fun." Nelly smiled and shrugged it off, finding the situation a bit amusing, if not a bit awkward.

Harry was right - it was a big family, the likes Nelly had never experienced before. There was genuine warmth and affection, true friendship between the SAMCRO members. This feeling of belonging was very seductive, and Nelly felt on the brink of surrendering to it. But the longer Nelly sat there, the more cracks began to show: emotionally absent and brooding John Teller; open hostility between Piney and Mary; Simon's excessive drinking; the closeness between Gemma and Clay, which John watched silently. Nel didn't think that Harry was idealizing this little group nor that he was blind to its faults, but like every family, this one too had its heartaches and dysfunctions. In Nelly's eyes, it made them all the more human and intriguing.

As everyone finished the meal and port was poured all around, Nel noticed some of the women getting up to help Gemma with clearing the table. She saw that Tara wasn't one of them, but it was just part of Nelly's nature and she started gathering empty plates. Harry told her right away that she didn't need to do this, but somehow, it felt like the right thing to do. As Nel came and went from the kitchen, she overheard snippets of conversation between Gemma and Bobby's old lady, Precious.

"You know, I have respect for Linda." said Gemma, "She doesn't like being part of it, so she doesn't come around with Simon."

"Yeah, not like Mary, draining the life out of the party and taking such joy in it."

Out and in.

"Piney's still with her only because he doesn't want to set a bad example for Opie."

"Piney is a good man." Precious agreed with a troubled sigh. "Too good for Mary, if you ask me."

Nelly clung the stack of plates she brought in to make herself known, "I think that's everything, Mrs. Teller."  
>"Thank you, honey." Jax's mother smiled. "Too bad your aunt Linda couldn't come."<br>"Bad migraine," explained Nel without batting an eye.

"Well, you tell her I said hi, and that we missed her." Gemma turned to the girl and leaned on the counter, looked at Nelly thoughtfully, as if considering her worth. After a moment, she added with a warm smile, "I hope we'll see more of you, Nelly."

Nelly smiled back, encouraged. "So do I. Thank you for having me." A thought occurred to her, that maybe Gemma was the person Linda could trust with the secret of misery inflicted upon her by Simon. Maybe not. It was a complicated world.

Once the food was gone, so was the reason for Jax's gang to hang around with adults. With hardly a wave goodbye, they took off for Folsom Lake in Tara's Impala.


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13 – Harvest Moon **

They arrived at the deserted beach long after the sun had set. Nelly felt the cool breeze tug at her hair and flatten her clothes against her body. She noticed Harry sneaking a glance at her, but shrugged it off as a thing boys do. The evening had turned much colder, so Jax and Harry made a bonfire, while the girls got a few things from the car to keep them warm. Like a couple of blankets, an eighth of J.D. and six-pack of beer.

Jax opened one and passed it to Nelly. She shook her head. "No, thanks."

"Oh, come on, Ms. Goody-two-shoes," Jax sneered, and Nelly noticed Tara jabbing him with her elbow.

Nelly decided she might as well get it out in the open, "My dad is a drunk, Jax. I see what it does to him, so I stay away from booze."

Harry looked at her thoughtfully. "Do you mind if we drink?"

Nelly shook her head again, this time with a smile, touched by his considerate question. "You guys go ahead. At least you'll have a designated driver."

They all settled around the fire, Jax with his arm around Tara and a bottle of beer in in his hand, Harry between Nelly and Jax, at a small distance from both. Nelly sat facing her three friends, thermos of hot and sweet black tea in her lap, a cup of it in her hand. They listened to the sound of waves on the rocky shore and basked in the warmth of the fire.

Jax broke the content silence, "I'm thinking of quitting football."

"Why?" Tara and Nelly asked in unison, both surprised. They watched Jax and Harry play since the beginning of school year. The boys excelled on the field, with coach Atkins playing them in every game.

"Our asshole captain Hale rubs me the wrong way." Jax threw a pebble into the fire. "I fucking hate his guts."

David Hale was the local judge's son and the first in everything at school. He was cocky and preppy and self-righteous, always on top of his game, and everything Jax and Harry stood against.

"The season is almost over," added Tara and gave him a sly little smile, "and you know what a turn on that uniform of yours is."

"What counts is _in_ the uniform, sweetheart."

"If you're quitting, then so am I." Harry looked at his friend, his eyes serious.

"Nah, you can't, you're too good." His best friend replied just as seriously. "Coach Atkins said you could easily get a scholarship, maybe even go pro."

"Not what I want. I've got a better idea."

Jax smiled as they bumped fists. "You do your thing, bro. I'm not going to waste my time worrying about fucking Hale when I have my girl right here. You kids entertain each other." He winked at Nelly and Harry, turned to Tara, and the couple started making out.

Nelly and Harry looked at each other and exchanged embarrassed smiles. Then Harry asked, "Do you feel like taking a walk?"

Nelly nodded, eager to get away from the intertwined bodies of their friends and the accompanying slobbering and moans. Harry got up smoothly and then taking her hand, pulled her up to her feet a little too hard. Nel lost her balance and bumped into Harry's chest. He extended his arms around her like a life-preserver and she grabbed on to steady herself. The brief contact sent a spark between them, an invisible current which Nelly felt travel from the tip of her head to the heels of her feet. She wondered if he felt it too. "Thanks." She smiled shyly. Harry smiled back, avoiding eye contact, and turned to go.

+0+

The full, orange moon, reflecting on the surface of the lake, was lighting their way. Harry lead Nelly down the rocky beach, but every so often looked back to her, offering his help when the path became steep and tricky, the boulders more ragged and difficult to manoeuvre. Although he had no idea, Harry was charming Nel with his natural chivalry. They came to a rock wall, nearly as tall as she. He climbed on first, then pulled her up onto the outcrop, where the waves splashed against the rocks bellow. Nelly sat down cross-legged close to the edge and Harry settled next to her, at arm's length, his long legs dangling over the cliff. The view was amazing, with the moon casting a long path on the lake and illuminating the shoreline.

"It's so beautiful here," was all Nelly could say. She felt Harry's eyes on her and turned to meet his gaze, but as soon as she did, he looked away to the water.

"It's a good place to be alone," he said, "You can hear yourself think."

Nelly got a strong impression this place was special to him, and that it wasn't one he shared with others. She felt warmth spread from her heart and smiled at him, truly grateful. "Do you come here often?"

"Not often. I'm not a big thinker." He wanted to sound self-deprecating, but came off sounding humble. "Out of the two of us Jax is the thinker, I'm the muscle."

"I don't know, Harry, you strike me as a thoughtful guy." Nelly objected gently, feeling certain that whenever Harry was silent, his mind wasn't empty. She spoke her thoughts out loud, "You know how some guys tend to be their best friend's shadow? It's different with you and Jax. He may be the leader, but you're not a follower. It's more like you're partners."

"You're probably the only person who thinks so." Harry said earnestly, a bit resigned. From the moment she met them, Nel felt that he was always overshadowed by Jax's exuberant charisma, but it was Harry who stood out to her. Sure, she was biased, but if Jax wasn't around, she felt certain it would be Harry turning heads with his powerful presence and quiet confidence, his cool and collected personality. Nel really believed that he was made of sturdy, bold stuff he kept under wraps, that he could just as well be the alpha dog of their little duo. Nelly wanted to tell him that, she just didn't know how, so she decided to change a subject and ask about something that stirred her curiosity.

"So... Opie." She smiled at him crookedly.

"Yeah, my dad started calling me that when I was a kid and it stuck."

"It has a nice ring to it." Nelly said honestly. "In a way, it suits you."

Harry smiled, red creeping up on his cheeks. "You're just being nice," then he added more seriously, "It makes me feel like a six-year-old every time."

"Why won't you ask them to stop?"  
>"Old habits won't die, so I just let them."<p>

"Well, you'll always be Harry to me." She smiled at him, certain that was what he wanted, and received a grateful smile in return.

They fell silent and watched the moon swim in the lake. The wind was much stronger and colder than Nel expected and she cursed herself for not bringing a jacket. Still, she could take a little cold if it meant their conversation would continue. What she couldn't help were the shivers that ran through her body as she wrapped arms around herself to keep warm. It didn't escape Harry's attention.

"You're cold, Nelly." The next moment, he was pulling off his hoodie, revealing SAMCRO t-shirt underneath. "Put this on."

"No, I can't, you'll be cold."  
>"I'm hot blooded." He joked, "I'll be fine."<p>

She hesitated a moment, and then relented, "Thank you." It smelled of pines and the beach, and Harry's warmth still clung to it as Nelly pulled it over her head. That's what it would feel like to be in his arms, thought Nelly with longing, but almost instantly she was grateful Harry didn't resort to the oldest flirting trick in the book.

They spoke at the same time, anxious to fill the silence.

"You first." Harry said.

Nelly played with the hem of his sweatshirt, a little uncertain. Most boys couldn't handle serious conversation, but she had a feeling Harry was different. Her eyes were earnest and curious as she asked, "If football is not for you, then what is it you want, Harry?"

"I want to be a patched Son," he answered without hesitation, "I want to be part of something bigger than me. Jax and I, we have wanted this for as long as I can remember."

"Do you have a plan B?" Nelly wondered.

Harry frowned, clearly perplexed, "Honestly, I never thought of an alternative, never thought I'd need one."

"You want to be like your dad, don't you?" Being around Harry made her say exactly what was on her mind at the moment. She missed the ability to self-edit.

"Yeah, my pops is larger than life." Harry admitted sheepishly. "He's cool."

It occurred to Nelly that the usually quiet and withdrawn Harry transformed into a thoughtful, engaging guy when the two of them were alone. He had no trouble with carrying on a conversation and seemed more at ease without others around them. Maybe the key to getting to know him was to get him alone.

+0+

She was so easy to talk to. Whenever it was just the two of them, like up on that Ferris wheel, Harry felt free to open up, to tell her exactly what was going on in his head. It was a new experience, sharing his thoughts with someone else, one he was still getting used to. After a few silent moments, he asked something he was curious about, "So what is it you want for yourself, Nelly? After high-school?"

"I want to go to college. I want to be a teacher, work with kids." She had a daydreaming look in her eye as she talked of her future.

"You'd be good at that. God knows you have the patience." Harry thought of Nelly's laid back ways. Than he asked a question loaded with more than one meaning, "Away from Charming?"

She seemed to have missed it as she answered, "Most likely, at least for college. But I don't plan that far ahead. You never know where life will take you."

"Yeah," Harry nodded in understanding. He felt a heavy weight of complete certainty that this girl was too smart and good to be a biker's old lady. That he should give up hoping she'd ever be his girl.

"I guess all I want is to get away from my dad." Nelly said quietly. It got his gears turning. Was there more to it than her father being a degenerate drunk and a common thug? Dark thoughts tumbled in his head, his worries multiplying. Harry had to ask, even if he didn't know how, "Does he... hurt you?"

She shifted, obviously delaying her reply to an uncomfortable question, "He slaps me around sometimes, but nothing more."  
>"Asshole." Harry whispered under his breath. "If he ever does anything to you, Nelly, come to us, tell the Sons. We'll protect you." I will protect you, was really what he meant.<p>

"Maybe you and Jax would, but I'm not so sure about the Sons..."

"What do you mean?" There was clearly something she wasn't telling him.

"It's Simon." After a moment of hesitation, she added. "He beats my aunt all the time."

That didn't compute. Piney told him often enough that a real man would never hit a woman, and Harry knew very well that his dad never laid a hand on his mother, even during the worst of their fights. He knew that the Sons had a strict moral code against harming women and children. It was one of the reasons he respected his father and so strongly believed in the club. But things like that did happen and he had no doubt that Nelly was telling the truth. "Does anyone in the club know?"  
>"I don't think so. My aunt doesn't talk about it, I think she's afraid."<p>

He felt at a loss, not sure what to say, and Nelly must have noticed.  
>"Listen, I'm not expecting you to fix this, Harry." She gave him a comforting shadow of a smile. "They're big boys and girls, have to work it our for themselves."<p>

He nodded, unsettled by the fact that there wasn't anything he could do. At least he could vouch for himself. "I hope you don't think we're all like that, the Sons."  
>"I don't think you're like that, Harry." She replied seriously and Harry felt a weight lifted off his shoulders.<p>

"That's good enough for me."

Just then she looked at her Swatch and swore. "Crap. I can't believe it's so late."

"How late?" He asked her. Buried in their conversation, they had completely lost track of time.

"Almost midnight. Tara and I have first aid class tomorrow morning."  
>"We better get back." Harry said, but his body refused to get up, move from here and now.<p>

"Thanks for sharing this spot with me," She smiled at him, still sitting down, still enveloped in his hoodie. "And the talk."

He smiled back, looking into her bright green eyes, encouraged by her warmth. "Maybe we can do it again sometime?" The hope he had fought so hard to extinguish flickered back to life.  
>"I'd like that," said Nelly, and without knowing, set it on fire.<p>

+0+

As Nelly and Harry returned, Tara and Jax were cuddling by the dying bonfire, half-asleep.  
>"Time to go," Nelly said as she started gathering their stuff.<p>

"What's the rush?" Asked her friend, reluctantly tearing herself away from Jax.

"Harry's boring you?" Jax winked at his friend.

"Actually, because of you two sucking face, I had Harry all to myself. Which was a nice change." Nelly spoke her mind without thinking and immediately regretted her cursed tongue. She noticed Harry's face flame up, so she distracted everyone with a disbelieving look at Tara. "Don't tell me you forgot, we have CPR re-cert tomorrow at nine."

She did forget, which honestly surprised Nelly, as her dark-haired friend was always on top of her game. Jax was totally messing with her priorities.

"Paging Dr. Knowles." Jax teased.

"Laugh all you want, Teller, but give me a few years and I'll be patching up you and your biker buddies." Tara punched his bicep and then kissed him, their love/hate relationship on full display.

"Fine, let's get going." Jax stretched and got up, then gave Tara a hand.

Nel remembered about Harry's hoodie and started talking it off. He stopped her by putting a hand on her arm, "Keep it for now, at least until we get you home."

She smiled at him gratefully, although a little voice in the back of her head kept questioning his intentions. Surely, a teenaged boy could not be so thoughtful and considerate without a reason.

* * *

><p><em>(I realize Harry is a love-sick puppy, and this may seem out of character in comparison to Opie we all know, but Harry's heart hasn't been broken yet, and he holds a romantic and idealistic notion of love – he is not quite seventeen after all, and in many ways innocent and hopeful.)<em>


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 – Edge of Seventeen I **

Nelly didn't remember to return Harry's hoodie until well after they dropped her off and she was getting ready for bed. She went to sleep wearing it that night, thinking of the boy it belonged to. Nel spent Saturday with Tara at the CPR re-certification and Sunday at Donna's house. She returned Harry's shirt to him on Monday at lunch, freshly washed and neatly folded.

"What? You're doing Harry's laundry for him now?" Jax teased, and got swiftly rewarded by his best friend with a look that could kill.

"Don't you be getting any ideas, Teller," laughed Tara, "I'm not the domestic kind. But you know, maybe I could be persuaded if you'd do me a favour."

She gave him her trademark winning smile, the one she used on Nelly before the fair, and Jax smelled a rat, "Oh, no, I won't..."

"Come on, just hear me out." The smile was gone as Tara's eyebrows knotted in frustration.

"I am not taking you to this goddamned dance." Jax said with finality, his lips in a tight line.

The Homecoming-slash-Halloween dance was happening on the coming weekend and Tara's been working Jax relentlessly, but without success.

"Seriously, all you have to do is show up."

"Yeah, and then you'll make me dance, and fetch you punch, and take pictures..." Jax looked so miserable just talking about it, that Nel had to suppress a giggle. She exchanged a look with Harry, who was not as discrete and openly laughing at his friend.

"Harry's going, " Tara said boldly, and kicked him under the table. "You're taking Nelly, right?"

"No." Harry and Nelly replied in unison, a little too quickly.

"There!" Jax smiled, convinced he won this round. "If they're not going, neither am I."

Tara gave Nel a hard look, the one that said, back me up here. Nel sighed and said half-heartedly, "I'm thinking of going with Tara."

"You can, I'm not gonna stop you, but there's no way Harry and I are going to be there."

"Fine, I'll just ask someone else." Tara said coldly, as she got up to go.

"Oh yeah? Who?" Jax asked, defiance and a hint of anxiety in his voice.

"None of your business, Teller. If your macho biker ass won't take me, then I'm sure I'll find someone who will."  
>"Fine." Jax huffed and also got up. Then the two of them stomped off in opposite directions, leaving Harry and Nel still sitting at the table.<p>

"Here we go again," Harry rolled his eyes and got up to follow Jax. Then, as if on second thought he sat down again, wanting to say something. Nelly waited. "Listen, Nelly... If you want to go to that dance, then... You know, I could..." He wouldn't finish, his face turning pink.

"Oh, no worries, Harry." Nel finally got the drift. She didn't want him to make that sacrifice, although it tickled her that he offered, "I'll probably be Tara's date, if I'll end up going at all." And she really didn't want to. He nodded with a relieved smile, and left.

+0+

Tara was in a nasty, cranky mood for the rest of the day. She kept mumbling about fucking Teller ruining her life.  
>"How goes finding a date for the dance?" Nelly couldn't help poking at her in their math class.<p>

"It doesn't. It's too late, only complete rejects remain."

"You could always ask Cliff. I don't think he's got a date yet." She gave Tara a crooked smile.

"Cliff. Goth nerd Cliff. Who likes boys." Her friend gave her a levelled look.

Well, that surprised Nelly. Although, now that she thought about it and the way he never paid attention to any girls, maybe it wasn't so surprising. "OK, maybe not."

"You know, I still have one more option. I could drag you along."

Yeah, Nelly kind of expected that. "Please don't make me."

"Hey, you did say you were thinking about it."  
>"I was being supportive. I'm not ditching Donna for another weekend."<p>

"Then bring her along." Tara shrugged, like this was the most obvious solution. "I'll finally get to meet her."

After school, Nelly and Tara took a road trip to Donna's house, where they've managed to persuade Sue Parker to let her daughter attend the dance. For some reason, Sue was more willing to agree once she found out the boys weren't part of the picture. Tara promised to pick up Donna along with Nelly and then drop her off at home after the dance. Then the girls spent an unreasonable amount of time going through Donna's closet and deciding what they were going to wear.

+0+

An awkward vacuum was created between the boys and the girls while Tara ignored Jax for the remainder of the week and, by extension, Nelly and Harry weren't able to hang out together. As the the weekend neared, Nelly thought that maybe Jax would cave in and do what Tara wanted, but he was as stubborn as a mule. So, when came Saturday, the three girls piled into Impala in their fancy dresses: Tara in a short, sleeveless black velvet number; Nelly in a long and flowing, blue-green vintage dress; and Donna in her pink knee-length meringue-like confection. They were buzzing with excitement. "We are going to have so much fun, just us girls," Tara prophesied as she weaved through the traffic, but her eyes were sullen, "Who needs boys anyway?"

By the time they got to the dance at Kennedy High gym, the place was packed and vibrating with music. Fake spiderwebs covered every surface and a gigantic paper spider loomed over the dance floor as though trying to herd everyone into its lair. The girls hit the dance floor right away and Nelly had to admit that she didn't expect to enjoy herself as much as she did. There was something so exhilarating in dancing with her girlfriends, letting go of the craptastic series of unlucky breaks that were her life. As long as the bass boomed and the lights kept flashing, she felt novacained and removed from it all, and it felt good.

Spent and out of breath, the girls took a break on the sidelines of the dance floor, while Tara got them a couple of plastic cups filled with soft drinks. One smelled of alcohol, so Tara shrugged and took it, "Relax, it's just a bit of booze. It won't kill ya." The other cup seemed fine, but Donna didn't like the taste, so Nel drunk most of it before they went back to dancing. Within minutes, the strobe lights blinded Nel and she felt like she was floating. She staggered and grasped Tara's arm for balance, hoping that her head would stop spinning, but it only got worse as black holes twirled in front of her eyes even when she closed them.

Tara quickly realized something was not right. "Shit, I think there was more in those drinks than just booze."

Donna stood by helplessly, her eyes widened in a panicked expression, while both Nelly and Tara started showing signs of intoxication, "Let's get out of here." She pleaded, "I'll call my mom, she'll know what to do."

"We'd be in deep shit if your mom would see us right now." Tara replied coldly.

"It wasn't our fault."

"It doesn't matter, Donna." Nelly weighed in feebly. They promised Sue it would be all right, and now it wasn't.

As if they weren't in enough trouble, Nelly watched in horror as the Rednecks advanced on them, purposefully pushing in their direction through the crowd. A group of half a dozen of them, including Alex and Brett, had the girls surrounded in a matter of moments.

"Enjoyed your drinks, bitches?" Alex asked dangerously, groping Tara.

"Get out of my face," she pushed him away, but he hardly moved. Then she realized what he meant. "You spiked our drinks? SAMCRO will go medieval on your ass."

"Not before I go medieval on yours." The tall guy licked Tara's cheek as he pressed himself to her.

"We owe you for last time, red," sneered Brett at Nelly, reminding her of the time she came to Cliff's defence, and Harry to hers. "Where's your boyfriend now, huh?"

Someone pulled on Brett's shoulder roughly, made him turn around.

"Do you mean me?" Asked Harry before he shoved the Redneck away. As if in some time loop – or maybe the guy had an incredible, innate sense of timing - Harry came to her rescue again. "I told you to stay away from her."

Brett gave a caveman-like yell and lunged at Harry, shoulders first. Harry sidestepped, but couldn't avoid the collision entirely, and the two of them fell to the floor, disbursing alarmed dancers. People around them started chanting "fight, fight, fight" as the two guys went at each other on the floor. Harry soon gained an upper hand by rolling on top of Brett, but in a split second, two more Rednecks were on top of Harry, pulling him off, while the others ganged up on Jax. As soon as they attacked, Tara went at them with her fists, shrieking like she was possessed.

"Get out of here, Nelly," shouted Harry, as he threw punches left and right, blood dripping from his nose. While Donna was pulling her away frantically, Nelly was torn between staying – an insane thought of helping Harry occurred to her – and following her best friend. She saw the chaperone teachers, lead by Mr. Atkins, moving quickly towards the chaos of their little cluster. She felt Donna's pull on her arm again as the world teetered dangerously to and fro, and the still-working, rational part of her brain had convinced Nel that leaving right now was a very good idea indeed.

Nelly lead Donna to a payphone by the principal's office, while committing all of her energy to not falling asleep on her feet. She so wished she could lie down. Anywhere. Right now. But she couldn't abandon Donna who was completely freaked out by the scene she had just witnessed. Her best friend was so sheltered, so wrapped up in a protective cocoon of normal life, that she was never exposed to any violence, and this completely unhinged her. She cried on the phone as she explained what happened and asked Sue to pick her up as soon as possible. It was beyond Nelly's limited abilities to intervene.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 – Edge of Seventeen II**

While Donna was talking to Sue, Nelly felt the world blink in and out of existence. She thought she saw Jax and Tara pass by, arguing. Jax had a purple bruise squeezing his eye shut and Tara was completely dishevelled.

"What are you doing here?" Snippets of Tara's voice travelled to Nelly through the fog.

"Harry convinced me to come. And good thing he did. What the hell were you doing with the Rednecks?"

"Oh, you mean as if I had a choice?" Tara yelled in anger, "They ruffied our drinks and then you saw what happened."

"I let you out of my sight for one minute and you get into massive trouble." Spat Jax, but then he seemed to notice her uneven gait. "Are you drunk, Tara?"

"I just told you, it wasn't on purpose!" She replied defiantly, a bit unsteady on her feet. "Besides, this is all your fault."  
>"So, this is my fault now? My fault, Harry and I got our asses kicked? My fault, we'll be getting suspended by Monday? You should have stayed home!"<p>

"You can't order me around, Jackson Teller, I'm not your old lady!"

"God help me if I ever get saddled with you for an old lady!" He huffed impatiently, and then his voice changed, was laced with pleading, "For god's sake, Tara, why are you being so reckless? Just to get my attention? I'm crazy about you as it is, don't you see that?"

"If you are so crazy about me, then why didn't you take me to this dance?" Tara pushed open the front door of the school and they disappeared, still arguing.

While Nelly's attention was consumed by that little circus, she failed to register Harry coming to stand right next to her. She turned her head and there he was, bruised and bloody. She let out a startled little squeak. It seemed as if everything around them was being swallowed up by a black hole, until it was just she and Harry, looking into each other's eyes. She felt completely disconnected, free-floating in space, so she grounded herself by reaching out her hand to his battered face and touching it gently. "Oh, Harry... What happened to you?"

+0+

Harry took in the state of Nelly: her glossy, unfocused eyes; the stooped posture that made her look like a wilting flower; the desperate confusion. He laid his hand over Nelly's, hoping to plug her back into reality. "It was the Rednecks, Nelly. Don't you remember?" His lovely friend just gave him a bewildered look.

Donna's voice brought him back. "I've got to get outside, my mom told me to wait in front of the school." The petite girl seemed to be in shock, genuinely terrified.

"I'm Harry, Nelly's friend. You must be Donna." The girl only nodded in reply. Having a parent involved at this point in time would get both girls in a load of trouble, so he continued, "Listen, there's no need for your mom to come. Nelly and I can take you home."

"She's already on her way. Besides, I'm not in the habit of getting rides with strangers." Donna's eyes filled with tears, as her body started to shiver.

Harry wasn't sure if he wanted to hug her or shake her. He could only imagine the shitstorm that was coming. Yet, the only reasonable, responsible thing to do would be to dutifully wait with Donna for her mother. So he settled the girl he just met on the school's front steps, Nelly between them, and waited. They could hear the echo of music blasting from the gym, kids brushing past them, cars coming and going. Donna was completely still and quiet, while Nelly leaned on his arm and seemed to be falling asleep.

Soon a wood-panelled station waggon pulled up swiftly to the curb. Donna got up and run to the woman who came out of it, she started to cry as they hugged. The mother deposited her child in the back seat and then walked up to Nelly and Harry, still sitting on the steps. Her eyes were angry, her mouth in a grim line, arms crossed tightly around her middle.

"Oh, Nelly..." She whispered. There were equal parts of concern and disappointment in her voice. "I trusted you."

Nelly lifted her head with difficulty, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm so sorry, Sue. Mrs. Parker..."

"It wasn't their fault, Mrs. Parker, their drinks got spiked."

Sue's eyes turned to Harry in dismay, "And who are you?"

"I'm Harry Winston, Nelly's friend."

"With friends like these, who needs enemies." Sue said bitterly.

"You're being unfair." Nel managed to stand, by pushing herself up on Harry's knee. "He didn't get us in trouble."

"Nelly, it's ok." Harry touched her hand briefly with his – she was in no state to reason or explain.

"It's not ok!" Sue Parker exploded, "She brought my daughter here, she is responsible!" Then she turned to the girl, "You don't know what's best for you right now, Nelly. You're coming with us." Sue took her by the arm and pulled her towards the car.

"No! I'm staying right here." Nelly raised her voice, yanking her arm out of Sue's grip. She took a couple of steps back. "I trust Harry, I'm safe with him."

It was the first outburst Harry ever witnessed from Nelly, who was always so soft-spoken and mild-mannered. Even in a drugged daze, she took his side and made him feel so grateful. She either had feelings for him, or it was just the result of whatever was in that drink.

"Fine, have it your way." Sue's face darkened as she turned to go.

"I'm sorry, Sue. I didn't mean for this to happen." Nelly called after her, tears streaming down her face, but she wasn't sober enough to plead her case. She collapses on the step with a sob. This exaggerated emotional response had to be caused by the drugs, because she was far from a drama queen. All Harry could do is sit next to her, quiet and still.

"I just wanted her to meet my friends." Says Nelly tearfully, her face in her hands. It broke his heart to see her this ways, so he shifted closer, literally offered his shoulder to lean on. She accepted it without hesitation.

He tried to cheer her up, "It seems bad now, but it'll be ok."

"I think I just lost my oldest and best friend." She looked at him with hurt eyes, brimming with tears. "I don't think it'll ever be OK again."

"She's not your only friend, Nelly."

Even in her aggrieved state, Nelly seemed to understand what he really meant, because she smiled at him through the tears, and whispered, "Thank you, Harry."

There was no point in sitting here any longer. "Come on, Nel, I'll take you home."

That made her cry again. "I don't know where home is, Harry. I've got nowhere to go."

It was a heartbreaking admission. This rootlessness was something she was so good at hiding every day. Nelly rested her head on her knees as she cried, her thin frame folded into a trembling ball. Propelled by the same protective instinct he felt on the Ferris Wheel, Harry put his arm around her and huddled over her, as if he could shelter her from all the misery with the broad curve of his back. He didn't know what to do or say, so he just held her in silence and she seemed to settle down. She sat up and curled into his side, her words slow and slurred, "You are so sweet, Harry..." She looked up at him, her eyes soft and unfocused, reached up and touched his lips with the tips of her fingers, planted a soft kiss where her fingers just were. And then promptly passed out.

The warmth of Nelly's lips still lingered on his when Tara and Jax showed up, their argument apparently forgotten.

"What's wrong with Nelly?" Asked Tara anxiously.

"I think she passed out." Harry felt like he was stating the obvious, but then realized that maybe there was something wrong with her after all. "Do you think she overdosed? Maybe we should take her to the ER?"

Tara leaned over the sleeping girl swiftly and pressed fingers to the side of her neck. "Her pulse is pretty steady and strong. I think she's just out."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief, while Jax stared thoughtfully at Nelly, "What are we going to do with her?"

"We can't drop her off in this state at her old man's or her aunt's." Tara frowned, thinking of alternatives.

"She said she had nowhere to go..." Harry said quietly, using his free hand to brush hair from Nelly's face. She looked so fragile and peaceful while asleep, he didn't want to move and disturb her.

"Let's take her to my house." offered Tara, "My mom can check Nel out, make sure she's ok. Then sleeping beauty can crash in my room for the night."

"Good idea." Harry agreed quickly, while Jax helped him hoist Nelly off the ground. As soon as he was on his feet, Harry easily scooped up Nelly in his arms and carried her to his pick-up. In that moment he understood that he would do anything for this girl for as long as he breathed.

+0+

Nelly woke up heavy-headed and disoriented. She did not recognize the place or the bed, and cold panic gripped her while she struggled to lift her head from a soft pillow. As soon as she sat up, Nel was overwhelmed by a wave of nausea and a sledge-hammer pounding in her head. It was lucky Tara walked in just then.

"Hey, you finally decided to grace us with your presence."

"Where am I?" Nelly asked, swallowing hard.

"My room, my folks' house, in Charming, California, United States of America..."  
>"OK, OK..." Nelly shut her up with a wave of a hand. "What happened last night?"<p>

"What do you remember?" Asked Tara, her eyebrows knotted in concern.

Nelly thought hard. Disconnected images, scared with strong and unpleasant emotions, flashed through her brain: Donna's fear, Harry's battered face, Sue's anger. Nelly hid her face in her hands, willing to make it stop.

"Just bits and pieces. I think I had a fight with Donna and Sue. Oh my god, what have I done?"

"You've done nothing wrong, Nel."

"Did Harry get into a fight?" Nelly felt her stomach clench, thinking of blood on his face. Tara nodded and confirmed her fears.

"But why?"

"Oh, you know, the old ruffies in our drinks kind of trouble. Jax and Harry gallantly showed up just in time to save our pretty little asses."

"You mean the date-rape drug?" Nelly couldn't believe her luck. Then again, luck had nothing to do with it.

"Yes, generously provided by the Rednecks."

Nelly took a few deep breaths, fighting the gagging reflex and a headache that wouldn't go away, her body instantly covered in cold sweat. She felt weak, like she had run a marathon without breakfast. "I feel like crap."

"And you will for the next couple of days, so my mom says." Tara smiled at her sympathetically as she handed Nelly a glass of water. Then she filled Nel in on all the gory details of last night. At the end, her friend added thoughtfully, "Maybe you should stay here for the time being."  
>"I've got to call my aunt..."<p>

"Taken care of." Tara interrupted, soothingly.

"And Harry."

"That, you'll have to do yourself." Tara smiled, "He called a couple of times already, asking about you."

"Where's the phone?" Asked Nelly and called to appeased her aunt. She was too weak to deal with the fall out of Donna and Sue. Then she took a deep breath and dialled Harry's number. After a few rings, his voice announced, "Winston's."

+0+

"Harry, it's Nelly." He heard a breathless voice on the other end of the wire and felt overwhelmed with relief. For some reason now that he knew she was alive and well, all he could think about was that brief, drunken kiss.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine. Not great, but OK." She took a big breath before she continued, "Tara's mom said I'll feel like I've got a flu for the next couple of days. Actually, it feels a lot worse."

"I'm sorry, Nel."

There was a prolonged silence, while he listened to her short, clipped breaths. Then Nelly continued, "I don't remember much from yesterday, but I do remember that you were hurt. Are you OK?"

It thrilled him to no end that she cared enough to ask. "Yeah, fine, nothing that won't heal in a few days."

"I'm sorry, I feel like it was my fault."  
>"Not your fault we've got Rednecks in our school."<p>

"It seems I always get you in trouble, and you get me out of it."

"It's no trouble." He shrugged, knowing he'd gladly do it all again.

"Thanks for taking care of me, Harry." Nel said softly. She sounded like she was running out of steam, literally. "I'm sorry, but I've got to go. I feel exhausted."

"Nel..." He hesitated, not sure how to ask, so he gave up, "Feel better."

Harry could hear her smile when she replied, "I'll try. I owe you, Harry. Again." And then hanged up.

It seemed she didn't remember after all.


	16. Chapter 16

Hello everyone (who's still reading) - I'm sorry it's been so long since my last update, but I've finally started my creative writing course and that kept me really busy! I'm very excited about it, and most of all, I'm hoping it'll help me write better fan fic! I promise, I'll try to get my next update as soon as possible. And as always, thank you for reading & reviewing! xo

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 16 - Everybody hurts (REM)<strong>

It's been two days since the dance, and Harry still didn't know what to make of Nelly's kiss. Even if she didn't remember, he did very well. He replayed that kiss over and over in his mind, endlessly. There was no denying that it happened, so maybe there was something to it. But when he saw her at school on Monday, she behaved like any other day. Sure, she was warm and easy-going as always, but not a girl who was head-over-heels in love. He watched her walk up the main hall, her porcelain-white skin even paler than usual, her face tired with dark circles under her eyes, and all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her, pull her close and kiss her again, for real. Instead, they smiled at each other as she approached him. Then she seemed to take in the damage to his face and her perfect forehead creased, her beautiful green eyes narrowed, "Oh, Harry, it's worse than I thought. I'm so sorry."

"It's OK." He said, rubbing his bruised mouth self-consciously. "How are you feeling?"  
>"Not great, but better."<p>

Jax appeared from behind his locker's door. "He was nothing to look at before, but now he's hopeless."

"I wouldn't talk if I were you, Jax." Nelly gave him a crooked smile. His eye was swollen shut and covered in a black bruise.

"Chicks dig battle wounds." Jax laughed, as he slammed the locker shut.

Nelly just rolled her eyes, and turned back to Harry, her face creased with concern. "Have you been called to see Principal Rush?"

"Not yet, probably in first period."

"Listen, I was thinking about it, and maybe Tara and I could tell him what really happened and why you and Jax got involved. Maybe you wouldn't get suspended then."

"I don't want to get you mixed up in this, Nelly." Harry knew what he was doing when he threw the first punch and he wouldn't have her make excuses for it.

"If you haven't noticed, I am right in the middle of it." She gave him a shadow of a crooked smile. "I've got to get to class, but I'll see you later."

She cared, he was almost sure of that. If only he had enough courage to do something about this desperate longing he felt for this girl, he would know the answer. But he couldn't face a very real possibility of being rejected. Being her friend, hoping and yearning, would have to be enough. It was better than flat out refusal.

As Harry predicted, he and Jax were called to see Principal Rush during their first class, fully expecting to be suspended over the fight on Saturday. They were surprised to find Nel and Tara walking out of the principal's office. Nelly looked at Harry with a hopeful spark in her eye and managed to whisper as she left, "It'll be all right." And sure enough, while the principal scolded them for getting into a "physical confrontation" and tried to sell them on "alternative methods of conflict resolution", he did not suspend them. The boys were free to return to class.

While waiting for girls to join them at lunch, the boys were debating plans for the weekend. Every Saturday, unless they played a football game, was spent at the Teller-Morrow garage. Tara was also busy, having picked up a volunteering job at St. Thomas, and Nelly usually had an odd babysitting job during the day. That only left them with Sundays, and even then, most parents demanded some family time. Any time they found for R&R was precious and always planned carefully. As soon as they had come up with a plan, Harry got lost in a fantasy of sitting next to Nelly in a dark theatre, their knees bumping into each other accidentally, their elbows touching on the arm rest. He could smell the scent of oranges in her hair, long wisps of it tickling his face every time he leaned over to whisper something in her ear about the movie. His body began to respond to the images in his head: the hair on his arms tingling from her imaginary closeness, the back of his neck burning, his jeans getting tighter.

And just then she sat down across from him, in the flesh, only a cafeteria table between them. She put a chocolate pudding cup in front of him. "I know it's not a banana split, but it'll have to do for now." Nelly's smile melted his bones, down to the core. Harry tried to do what he could to get his body to behave, for his face not to betray his thoughts, but this was hopeless. He thanked her as he blushed fiercely.

"Where's mine?" Jax complained, "I get no thank you, nothing?"  
>"For what?" Tara shoved him a little, "You should be thanking us. Besides, if it weren't for Harry, you wouldn't even come!"<p>

"That's a minor detail." Jax spoke around a big bite of apple. "What matters is, I showed up."

"My hero." Tara said breathlessly and gave him an exaggerated kiss. "There. Better?"

"A little." Jax smiled at her and pulled her closer, planted a real kiss on her lips and made his girl laugh.

+0+

Nelly watched Harry cringe uncomfortably. She wished that Jax and Tara would hold back a bit sometimes. Watching their PDA was beyond awkward. All she could do was to change the course of the conversation and hopefully, distract them. "So what happened in the principal's office?"  
>"Oh, we were told to behave, and not get into trouble." Jax mimicked Mr. Rush's voice.<p>

"But Alex and Brett got suspended," added Harry. "For what they did to you."

Tara smirked, "I guess they'll be happy with this little vacation."

"We should thank you for getting us out of trouble." Said Harry, as he looked into Nelly's eyes, then asked cautiously, "How are things with Donna?"

It hurt just to think about it, but she knew he asked, because he cared. She felt her eyes water. "I've called a few times, but they keep hanging up on me."

"Oh, Nelly..." Tara was next to her in a flash, her arm around Nel's shoulders. "That's so mean..."

"Maybe they'll cool off with time. You know, forgive and forget," added Jax hopefully.

"Maybe." Nel agreed feebly, grateful for her friends' efforts to cheer her up, but she knew better. Sue was unforgiving and overprotective. And Donna listened to her mother.

"You've got us, Nel. If they can't at least listen to what you've got to say, then you don't need friends like them." Tara argued fiercely.

Nel was touched by her sentiment, but Harry echoed her true thoughts on the whole mess when he said, "Easier said than done, Tara."

"I'll be OK," Nel reassured them, but had a hard time believing her own words. "Time heals all wounds, and all that..."

Jax and Tara bought it swiftly, but she could see in Harry's eyes as they met hers that he wasn't fooled. Regardless, the subject was closed. She would move on, in time. She might as well start now. "I guess we should celebrate the non-suspension. Any ideas?"

Jax and Harry exchanged a scheming look, as the blonde guy offered, "Folsom Lake?"

"Nah, too cold." objected Tara as she stretched up her arms, "I'd rather go bowling."

"How about that new Stallone movie at the AMC in Lodi?" Harry suggested.

Jax agreed a little too eagerly, "Yeah, awesome idea."

The boys high-fived while the girls made a face.

"Not another action flick," groaned Tara.

"It's only fair to let them pick. After all they almost got suspended."Nelly shrugged at Tara, who only huffed in resignation.

"It could be worse, I suppose."

"So, Sunday?" Jax asked his friends as he looked around the table.

They all agreed and disbursed to their afternoon classes.

+0+

In the next few days the boys' bruises, and Nelly's heartache over her rift with the Parkers, had just began to fade. Sunday was a beautiful day, clear and bright, kind of a day that made you feel like the wet North Cal winter would never come. Nel thought it was a shame their little collective had decided to spend it indoors at the movies. Well, maybe it won't be a total waste, thought Nelly, since the new theatre in Lodi had removable arm-rests. A picture of her snuggling up to Harry in the dark theatre flashed clearly in Nel's head. It was gone as quickly as it came, but it covered her body with goosebumps. Was that what she wanted? Was that how she truly felt about him when she wasn't paying attention? The certainty of it hit her like a lighting bolt, and Nel knew that she wanted to tell him. That she had to tell him.

Excited and nervous, Nelly waited impatiently for the gang to pick her up. They were running very late. In itself, it wasn't unusual, but out of all days, today she really wanted to make it in time for the show. She dialled Tara's number with nimble fingers. There was unusual urgency in Tara's voice as she picked up the phone, "Oh my God, Nelly, didn't you hear? I was sure Harry had called you."

"No, what about?" The anxiety made her stomach clench. "What's going on?"

"Jax's dad died in a bike accident, Nel. Cops just told him and his mom."

Nelly was struck mute as all the gut-wrenching feelings from long ago flooded her again. The white patrol car, the khaki uniforms of the cops that came with the news, the empty house since that day.

"I'm just leaving for the Teller's house." Tara's shaky voice brought her back. "Please come with me, Nelly."

As much as Nelly didn't want to witness Jax's grief, didn't want to relive her own, she felt that maybe she could be of some help, and agreed.

As the girls drove up to Teller's large house, they found the boys sitting on its front steps, Jax leaning on Harry. Tara parked and ran to them. Jax stood up and went to her blindly, his face streaked with tears, and burst into sobs as soon as she hugged him. Nelly walked over and hugged the both of them, smoothing Jax's back. "I'm so sorry, Jax." After a few moments, she left the couple alone, and joined Harry. For a moment, neither one of them was sure what was the appropriate thing to do, so they half-hugged awkwardly. When Nel pulled away, she asked, "Where's Mrs. Teller?"

"I think she's in the kitchen." Harry gave her a careful look, "Are you sure you want to do this, Nelly?"

Nel just nodded as she headed into the house.

She found Gemma sitting by the table in the kitchen, with a ashtray full of cigarette butts and lighting up another. Nelly sat down next to her and touched her hand. "I'm sorry about your husband, Mrs. Teller."

"Oh, sweetheart..." Gemma sighed and her eyes filled with tears. "It comes with the life."  
>"Still, it's not easy." Nelly was painfully reminded of her mother's death, all the feelings that came with it. "We'll take care of Jax, Mrs. Teller. He won't be alone in this."<p>

"Thank you, baby. He's got good friends." Gemma smiled at her sadly.

"If there's anything I can do for you..."

The woman shook her head. "Just be there for Jax. I can take care of myself."

There was a knock on the back door, and Clay Morrow came into the kitchen. His eyes were tired, his face grim. Without a word, Gemma gravitated towards him, and big, bad V.P. Clay embraced her tenderly. In the meantime, Nelly slipped out unnoticed.

Nelly returned to the front porch, hoping she would be of more use there. Jax was devastated, just sitting there and crying, flanked by Tara on one side and Harry on the other. "He didn't even try to stop. The cops said there were no skid marks. He just crashed right under that tractor trailer. He didn't break..."

It really wasn't a place for her. Jax had his girl and his best friend to comfort him, there was nothing else she could do. Except she was the only only one who knew what he was feeling right now. That was the reason why she decided to come.

Nelly knelt in front of Jax and covered his hands, crossed over his knees, with hers. "I know it hurts like hell right now, Jax, but it'll get better. With time, it won't hurt so much." Jax looked up at her, his eyes tearfully and full of grief, but said nothing. She knew he wouldn't believe her. So Nel gave him a hug and and left him in the hands of his closest friends. She glanced at Harry and whispered, "I have to go."

He nodded in comprehension, but his eyes were concerned as he asked, "Are you going to be OK?"

She forced a smile as she nodded.

She was walking away when Tara called her back, then threw her keys to the Impala. "I'll cal you," said her dark-haired friend.

As Nelly drove herself home, she felt grateful that they all understood each other so well.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 – Lay My Burden Down**

The secret affection she held for Harry was burning a hole in Nelly's heart. It needed to get out, to be confessed, announced, shared. With him. But now was not the time. Grief, whether her own or of others, wasn't something she processed easily. It was a force that would drive her into a shell she wouldn't leave until the storm of loss had passed. Still, the hopeful little flame was a blessing in disguise. As she moved through the motions, this secret she harboured was all Nelly could think about. It helped her get through all of the next week, the heartache of the funeral and the wake, the grief of her friends. It numbed her to the real pain of what Jax and everyone around him was going through. Nelly wasn't planning on attending, but Harry called and said it would mean a lot to them if she'd come. She couldn't say no to Harry.

The arrangements for John Teller's funeral were made quickly, which was a small miracle. It was a huge SAMCRO affair with every chapter of Sons of Anarchy represented and joined by many unaffiliated Sons, called Nomads. Nelly got there with Linda just in time to witness the caravan with John's casket rolling in through the elaborate iron gates of the cemetery, escorted by dozens bikers on their motorcycles. The procession was lead by Piney with Clay and Bobby on their bikes, and then followed by a sea of kuttes and their beasts. The roar of engines was a deafening tribute to their fallen leader. They were blessed with a beautiful, breezy Thursday, sun high in the cloudless sky. Because he served his country in Vietnam, John Teller was being laid to rest in the section of the cemetery reserved for veterans, where the white headstones were set on lush green lawn in perfectly straight rows and columns, like soldiers at attention. This order was completely at odds with the haphazard gathering of bikers, their old ladies and families, and quite a few civilian friends JT and the club had made over the years.

As usual, it was easy to spot Harry in the crowd. He was standing behind Jax and Gemma with his family. Tara was right next to Jax, her hand tightly intertwined with his. Nelly went to stand with Linda, across from them. In between, dividing them like a canyon, was JT's black coffin draped in his kutte. Harry found Nel in the cluster right away and gave her a small smile, then a slight nod of the head, beckoning her over. She shook her head in a silent reply. She'd be staying right where she was. Away from the spotlight, away from the tears and the pain. Nel wondered how Jax did it, how he could be so brave and composed and proud, while his father was being put in the ground? His face, usually so animated and bright, was a blank mask. Not a tear, not a frown. Once the service was over, Nelly wanted to escape, but aunt Linda insisted they'd give their condolences to Gemma and Jax. She had known JT for years and respected him. The club would never be the same, she told Nelly as the two of them lined up with other mourners for their turn with the grieving widow.

Linda and Gemma exchanged a stiff embrace, but from the tears in their eyes, it was clear that both women were emotional. Nelly hugged both Jax and Gemma, as if on autopilot, and said all the right things. As they were walking away, Harry caught up and addressed her aunt, "Ma'am, will you and Nelly be at the wake?"

"I'm not going, Harry, but Nelly can if she wants to." Her aunt sounded resigned and tired. She gave up that fight the day Nelly went to Gamma's dinner.

Harry looked at Nel hopefully, and she caved in. "Sure."

"I'll drive her home." Harry assured Linda before she left them. "Is that OK, Nelly?"

She just nodded in reply. It seemed there was no way she was getting out of it.  
>Nelly walked silently by Harry's side through the rows of white gravestones. He took in a big breath and asked her quietly, "Are you all right, Nel? You seem shaken."<p>

"Yeah, fine. I mean, I hate funerals, but who doesn't?" She smiled at him weakly, surrendering to the fact that her shell would have to wait. "Maybe Jax will take comfort in us being there together."

Harry nodded in reply. They continued silently, until they got to the Winston's pick up, where his mother was waiting impatiently.

"Harry, where did you disappear to? We'll be the last ones there."

Nelly remembered her from the SAMCRO dinner at the Teller's house.

"I had to find my friend Nelly," He pointed with his hand, while he unlocked passenger door. "You've met her at Gemma's."

Nelly smiled at Harry's mother and said, "Hello."

The middle-aged, heavy-set woman gave her a once over, eyes squinting in recognition, and answered, "I can't be expected to remember every girl that shows up at Gamma's table."

She stepped into the truck and Harry slammed the door behind her, a little too hard.

"Easy!" his mother exclaimed.

Nelly could see Harry seething. He lead Nelly to the driver side, "I'm afraid you'll have to sit in the middle."

What followed was an awkward, mostly silent ride. The hostility between mother and son was electrifying the air, Nelly acting as a week insulator, barely holding it back from exploding. She felt awful for Harry, as his mother would give him back-seat driver advice all the way to the clubhouse. To his credit, Harry only gritted his teeth, muscles in his jaw tensing, and gripped the steering wheel so tight, Nelly thought he's break it in half. But they've arrived safe and sound, without an eruption of tempers or a car accident. Once Harry turned off the engine, Mary got out promptly and disappeared into the clubhouse. Harry sat back and gave a big sigh, his eyes closing. He seemed weary and worn out.

Nelly wanted to soothe him, and stopped herself short of reaching out and caressing his face,

"I think I see what you'd meant about your mom."

"You got her on good behaviour." Harry's lips turned up weakly for a moment, but quickly became serious. "I'm sorry she was so awful to you."

"We've only seen each other once." Nelly just shrugged, "She was much worse to you."

Their attention was called by a large pack of bikes entering the compound, escorting a black limousine, which carried Gemma and Jax. In a silent agreement, they climbed out of the truck and went to meet them.

Now that the service was over and the wake began, the dignity Jax was holding onto had dissolved, leaving him visibly shaken and dazed. It was excruciating to see the exuberant, confident Jax so grief-stricken and beaten down. He held on to Tara's hand constantly, as if tethering himself to something concrete in this new surreal world, but his girlfriend seemed bewildered by the sudden weight of someone else's pain thrust on her shoulders. Nelly watched Harry become the one to shoulder Jax's grief, being the strong and silent crutch for his brother. Harry would chaperone Jax through the milling crowd, which was getting progressively louder and more jovial, as more liquor was poured. He'd greet common friends when Jax became overwhelmed. And in dealing with all this, he found time to stop by and check on Nel, making her feel like she was never abandoned to the sea of sorrow surrounding her.

The wake was far from over, when Tara found Nelly in a quiet corner and offered her a ride home. Her dark-haired friend seemed wound up and rough around the edges, more than ready to leave. Nelly remembered Harry promised her aunt he'd take her home. Nel had hoped this would be their chance to talk, but she noticed him and Jax, along with Piney and Bobby, disappearing into the club's "chapel", a quiet dark meeting room. The wake was becoming more of a party, and Nelly couldn't stand being here another minute. She peaked into the chapel and found the two boys and two men huddled together at a large wooden table, SAMCRO reaper carved in its surface. It was obvious none of them would be going anywhere for a while. Nelly caught Harry's eye just by stepping in the door, and he came to meet her. He was so close, right in her personal space, but she didn't shrink back. If anything she reached out on tiptoes, as she whispered to him, "I didn't mean to interrupt, Harry."  
>"It's fine." His eyes were intent on hers, as if searching for answers. "Do you want me to take you home?"<p>

"No worries, Tara offered me a ride. Just wanted to let you know we were leaving."

"I made a promise to your aunt." Harry's brow creased.

Nel smiled at him, expecting this reply. "Stay with Jax. I'll be fine."

There was nothing left to say, but his gaze held her in place. She longed to take his hand, lead him off to the side and tell him, _I think I love you. _But how could she do it amidst everything that was going on?

"Goodbye, Harry." She smiled weakly.

"I'll see you." He nodded back and watched her leave.

The flame remained inside and hidden; eager to break out, but consuming her instead.

+0+

When Harry got home close to midnight, found the house turned upside down, clothes pulled out of closets, half-packed boxes littering every room. He watched as his mother folded sweaters and pants and piled them into suitcases. It gave him an uneasy feeling at the back of his neck, made his stomach tingle with anxiety.

"What's going on, mom?"

"Oh, nothing, just clearing out some stuff." She replied carelessly. "Your father wanted to talk to you, but he ain't here yet. God knows when he'll drag his sorry ass home."

"Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Me? Not telling you?" There was a mean glint in her mother's eye. "Fine, then. I'm taking you to visit Gramps Maurice for Thanksgiving. Pack a few things, we're leaving Saturday morning."

"For how long?" Harry asked, the uncomfortable tingling gripping his spine not easing.

"A week, ten days tops."

"With dad?"  
>"He ain't coming." She said with finality.<p>

Harry went to his room without another word. He didn't like his mother's dad, his Gramps Maurice, who, without a doubt was the source of her winning personality. Harry wished his dad was home, so he could plead his case for staying in Charming for the holidays. The wake wouldn't end until the early hours of the morning, and Piney would probably not make it home until tomorrow afternoon. Harry fell asleep in a matter of minutes, hoping that that Piney could be convinced. To distract himself, he thought of the hiking trip to Folsom Park he planned with Jax and the girls, which led him to Nelly's beautiful eyes, full and soft mouth, the touch of her hands on his skin...

He was woken up by a rough hand on his shoulder. "Son, we've got to talk." Harry's eyes opened to a dark room and Piney hovering by his bed. "Come on, get up, Opie."

Harry sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He looked at the red numbers on his digital clock. 4:17, it read. He had exactly three and a half hours of sleep. And he'd have to be back at school at nine. Groaning, he pulled on a pair of sweats and went looking for his father.

He found him in the backyard, sitting in one of the plastic lawn chairs standing around a mismatched glass table. The early morning was cool and foggy, sun's rays barely peaking over the horizon, and Harry wished he thought of pull on a sweatshirt over his A-shirt. Instead, he sat down in a chair next to his dad and rubbed his hands over his naked arms. Piney reeked of beer and cigarette smoke, but his eyes were clear.

"Your mother and I are separating," said Piney without a preamble. "She wants to go back to her family. She is taking you with her."

"What?" Harry tried to make sense of what he heard, sleep still fogging his brain. "I thought we were going only for Thanksgiving."

"I don't know what your mother told you, but this is a permanent move."

Harry thought about it for a moment, enraged by his mother's lies, baffled that his father wouldn't stand up for him, would order him like a child. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Of course I don't want you go to, Opie," Piney put his arm over his son's shoulder, and continued, trying to convince him. "I love you, you'll always be my boy."

"Then I'm not leaving." Harry said evenly, determined.

Piney removed his arm and sat back, his lips pressed in a grim line. "It's been decided, Harry. Whatever differences Mary and I have, she's still your mother. This is what she wants."

"Pops..." Harry was lost for words. "Dad, please. Jax is a mess, and there's this girl... I need to stay in Charming."

His father's eyes softened, as he leaned his elbows on the table.

"Son, I've made plenty of mistakes in my life. I wasn't the best husband and maybe I wasn't always there for you as a dad, but now is the time for me to do something right." Piney's brows knotted, as if he had doubts. He continued slowly, but deliberately, "With J.T. dead, things just won't be the same around here. Maybe this is your chance to have a different start, do something else with your life. You don't have to follow in your old man's footsteps."

"But pops, you know this is what I've always wanted."

"I know, but give living with your mother an honest try, son, if only for a few months."

Harry knew that he wouldn't convince his dad, and a desperate emptiness replaced the anxiety. The decision had been made. He was leaving for Santa Rosa, and he would be leaving everything he cared for behind.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18 – Be Here Now**

Nelly was surprised to see Jax and Harry at school the next day, a rainy Friday. They both looked somber and dejected, but they were there. When she bumped into Tara in the hallway and asked her about it, she told Nelly that Jax insisted, like a madman, on getting back to normal life. That his mother encouraged it, as something his father would have wanted. That and the boys had final game of the football season tonight. It would kept their minds off the pain, Tara said. But Jax and Harry seemed preoccupied and distant. Something was not right, Nel could feel it in her bones.

The rain intensified in the afternoon, and Nelly decided to take a long way home after school, under the rafters. The football team was filing out for their last practice. There was a home game to be played later today, one she would miss, thanks to a babysitting job she had lined up. Jax zoomed by, cursing "Fucking morons... in this goddamned rain..." Nelly couldn't help smiling as she nodded her head in agreement. She was surprised she hasn't seen Harry yet. Most of the boys were already on the field, getting drenched, when he caught up to her at the end of the group. They exchanged greetings and he fell into step beside her.

"My mother is taking me to her family in Santa Rosa for Thanksgiving."

Nelly felt a pang of disappointment and a tiny deflated "Oh," escaped her lips. She despised loneliness of the holidays and was only looking forward to it, because the four of them made plans to spend the long weekend together. "When will you be back?"

"That's the thing, I don't know when." Harry's voice was quiet, but filled with intensity. He took a moment before he continued. "Mother and pop are divorcing. She's leaving Charming and taking me with her."

Nelly stopped and turned to him, the meaning of his words finally sinking in. She looked up into his sad eyes, noticed the crease on his forehead, the one he got when he was upset. His entire body was tense and trembling. In that moment, everything was intensified: the rain drumming on the wooden planks above them, the raindrops hanging on his eye lashes, the warmth of his skin radiating towards her. That can't be, thought Nelly, and she blurted out the only thing on her mind, "Don't go."

Before Harry replied, he was interrupted by the coach calling him on the field, as the other boys began to jeer. He took a hold of her hand and looked into her eyes, scanning them as if trying to convey a message. It seemed that he wanted to tell her something, but in the end all he said was, "I'm sorry, I've got to go...", and then he ran off to join his teammates in the rain.

She didn't know if he meant now or away. It didn't matter, either way it was just as devastating. Nelly had to take a few moments to gather herself before she could start moving again. The weight of knowledge that Harry would soon be gone nearly pushed her to the ground and a chest-crushing pain made each breath a challenge. She tried to regain control over her emotions and her body, while her brain was working out a solution. Maybe this could still be turned around, maybe things would work out so he wouldn't have to leave? Maybe he would change his mind once she told him how she felt? In any case, she would surely have a chance to talk to him. Soon.

The rain was still coming down hard and the air was chilly with fog when Harry stopped by the Tellers house early next morning. Jax came out on the wrap-around porch, and Harry blurted out, "We're leaving in an hour. I came to say goodbye, brother."

Their usual macho posturing fell away and the boys embraced fiercely.

"This is fucked up, Opie." Jax swore as he let go, his eyes full of tears. "What the hell is wrong with your parents?"  
>"Everyone knew it was coming, Jax," Harry shook his head, resigned. "It was just a matter of time."<p>

"But why can't you stay here with Piney?"

"He wants to do this my mother's way."

"Traitor!" Jax punched a wooden column of the porch, his tears spilling over.

"I think it's his way of making amends." Harry tried to justify Piney's decision, more to himself than to Jax. "He told me to give it a few months."

"A lot can happen in a few months, Opie." Jax looked up at him with anxious, sad eyes. "You get your ass back here as soon as you can, you hear?"

Harry felt the same way, like he was being torn away from his conjoined twin. "As soon as I can, bro. Believe me, this is not what I want."

Jax wiped his tears with a sleeve of his sweatshirt and changed tracks, "I saw you talking to Nel at practice yesterday. How is she taking it?"  
>"She said, don't go." Harry's heart raced as he thought of powerful emotions that one phrase stirred in him.<p>

"Have you gone to her, to say goodbye?"

"No. That was it." Harry replied shortly, pushing his hands into his pockets, wishing to end this conversation and to stop thinking about Nelly.

"Are you crazy?" Jax exploded, "This is your chance to tell her how you feel!"

Harry shook his head. "I can't. No point now that I'm leaving."

"There's always a point, you dumb-ass! How long is it you've been in love with her?"

Jax's words broke something inside Harry, the damper he put on how he felt about Nel, about this mess of his parents' divorce and being taken away from everything he cared about.

"I can't, Jax! I can't trust myself with saying anything to her, to you, to my dad." Harry's voice trembled, his body gave out and he sat down heavily on the porch steps. He wiped away tears suddenly running down his face and took a deep breath to compose himself.

Jax sat down next to him and put a comforting arm over his brother's shoulder. They watched the rain in silence for a few moments and then he whispered, "Just do everything you can to come back. We'll be waiting for you. All of us."

Harry left without seeing Nelly again. She wasn't prepared for the doubts and yearning that came after, the way she missed Harry's endearing ways, the awkward and oddly comforting familiarity of their little group. She blamed herself for not telling him sooner, for taking such a long damn time to figure things out for herself. And now it was too late. Days had passed, and she hasn't heard from him at all, although she knew he spoke with Jax. Tara always took it upon herself to ask about Harry for Nel's benefit, but Jax would answer directly to Nelly as he told them how much Harry hated being in Santa Rosa and living with his mother.

"He said he's thinking about you." He told Nel quietly.

"Then why won't he call and tell me?" Nelly struggled to keep her tears in check.

"Because he's a dumb macho biker bastard, who doesn't talk about his feeling." Jax replied with an angry note in his voice, but a smirk curled up his lips. Nelly smiled through her tears and believed him. Then the boy's smile faded and he added seriously, "And because it would hurt too much."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 – Tomorrow Is a Long Time

A couple of days later, Tara called Nelly out of the blue, "Turn to Q92, now." It was _the_ hard-rock station all kids in their high-school were listening to. "Do you hear that song?"

Nelly turned on the radio. It was Nirvana's All Apologies.

"Yeah, so?" She didn't care much for Nirvana.

"Just listen to the end, will you?" Tara replied impatiently, but stayed on the line.

Nelly rolled her eyes, she did not understand the point of this exercise. The song finished soon enough and the DJ's voice boomed from her radio, pleading comically. "_Once again, this is from Harry to Nelly. Come on, Nelly, whatever it is he did, he's very. Very. Sorry." _Then the DJ swiftly moved on to a contest for RHCP tickets.

It felt to Nel as if someone had pressed a pause button. Harry wouldn't pick up the phone, but he went through the trouble of communicating this way. The little flame she held on to in her aching heart, flickered and grew stronger.

Tara's voice brought her back to reality, "What are you going to do about it? Because we both know you're hooked on the boy."

"We're just friends." Nelly objected weakly, not wanting to over-share.

"Is that what you call this dysfunctional thing you and him have, Nel?" She had a gift for getting to the heart of the matter, however painful. "Are you really that blind or just in plain denial?"

Then she actually stopped to give Nel opportunity to respond.

It was hard enough to figure it out for herself without having to explain it to someone else. And there was this new and raw uncertainty of whether Harry felt the same way about her. "What do you want me to do? Yes, he's sorry, but he's gone and he's not talking to me. What am I supposed to think about that, Tara? I can't just assume that he likes me."

"Can't assume he likes you? Are you for real? The boy's been pining for you since day one. Did you forget the damned Ferris wheel, the fucking mess at the dance? Or that stupid big grin on his face every time he saw you?"

Nelly was silent as she recalled the powerful cocktail of memories: the warmth of Harry's hand, the softness of his hoodie, his smiling eyes.

Tara continued relentlessly, "What do you think that song was, Nel? He's reaching out to you, in the best way a teenaged moron can."

"How do you know this?"

"I've got eyes! Besides, do you think that necking is all Jax and I do? He talks to me, he tells me stuff," She huffed, then took a big breath and continued more calmly. "I know a lot has happened and the circumstances have been far from romantic, but you better give Harry some hope or cut him loose real soon. It's time the two of you finally got your shit together."

"But he's gone, Tara."

"Omigod, it's not like he's checked out or moved to China. Who knows, if you'll give him a sign, maybe he'll come back." Tara ventured, sparking a new wave of hope in Nelly. "Listen, let me give you his number in Santa Rosa. What you do with it, is your business."

The funny thing was that deep in her heart, Nel didn't doubt that Harry cared about her, but it hurt to have him so suddenly, so completely, torn out of her life. The gaping hole his absence created was impossible to fill. There was only one thing to do.

+0+

Whenever she rehearsed this conversation in her mind, the moment of telling Harry how she felt about him, she never imagined it being done on the phone. Nel wanted to see his face when she told him, to be able to gauge his response from his eyes, to taste the kiss that she hoped would follow. But everything had changed, and when she dialled Harry's number in Santa Rosa, the one Tara gave her, she wasn't sure what she was going to say.

A cracked, snarly voice of an elderly man answered, "Hello?"

"Hello, my name is Nelly." She twirled the telephone cord nervously around her finger. "I'm Harry's friend. Could I speak to him, please?"

"Harry?" The man growled, as if confused by the name. "He's got no friends, and he ain't here." That was the end of it - he hanged up on her.

Nel was determined, she couldn't give up now. She redialled quickly.

The same old voice picked up, "Hello?"

"I think we got disconnected." Nelly said pleasantly, remembering that flies like honey. "I'm trying to reach Harry."

"Are you deaf and dumb, girl? He. Ain't. Here." The old man articulated slowly. "Now quit calling."

He hanged up again, and Nelly stared in disbelief at the phone receiver she was holding.

She dialled Jax. "Hey, listen, do you ever get through to Harry?"

"Not really. His gramps is sort of senile. He always tells me Opie's not there. If he's around at the time, he'll take the phone from the old man. I guess gramps is telling the truth." He gave a sigh, as Nelly silently contemplated this information, and then added, "It's usually Harry calling me, late at night. Try again later, Nel."

She paced nervously for the next half an hour, trying to distract herself with a book and watching TV, but she couldn't take the wait. She dialled Harry again. This time a woman picked up, and Nelly recognized the voice just from the greeting.

"Hello Mrs. Winston..."  
>The woman cut her off, "I'm not Mrs. Winston anymore."<p>

Well, that wasn't a very good start, thought Nel and tried again, "It's Nelly, from Charming. I'd like to speak with Harry."  
>"And I would like a million dollars. We don't always get what we want."<p>

Nelly had no idea how to reply, and even if she did, Mary didn't give her a chance, "Don't call again. He's happy here, doesn't need Charming filth dragging him down." Then she hanged up.

Nel was loosing hope fast. At that rate, she'd never get through to Harry. It reminded her of the way Donna's family kept pushing her away. The most important relationships in her life have fallen apart, people she cared most about were keeping her at arm's length. Nel pushed the pain of it out of her mind as she tried to reason it out: was Harry there and refusing to take her calls or had he no idea she was calling? The uncertainty of it made made her feel stupid for even trying. This pathetic, desperate attempt to get in touch with him got her nothing but a heartache, and it had to stop.

Instead of thinking about it, Nelly started cleaning her room furiously, folding clothes, sorting books, vacuuming and dusting. When her room was done and her anxious, restless energy still not spent, she moved on to cleaning the kitchen, and then the rest of aunt Linda's house. A couple of hours later she was exhausted, but still overwrought with the same weariness and doubts. She tried to sleep, but she couldn't. To keep her fingers busy, while her mind tried to untangle this emotional mess, Nel started stringing endless bead bracelets. She made a loop after loop of colourful tiny glass spheres well into the night, the phone sitting by her side, a silent companion. Jax's word came back to her, _he calls me late at night._ Nelly glanced at her old-fashioned, round alarm clock. It was half past midnight. Acting on impulse, she reached out and dialled again.

This time, she heard a familiar, low voice, "Hello?"  
>"Harry?" Relieved breath swished out of her, almost making her giggle. She couldn't believe her luck.<p>

"Nelly?" He asked disbelieving, his voice awake.

"Yes, it's me." She smiled, closing her eyes, soaking in his elusive presence.

The silence stretched and a lead ball formed in Nel's stomach. She was right, calling Harry was a mistake. Nel felt gutted and ready to hang up. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called..."

"No, please don't think that," he interrupted her quickly, words tumbling out. "It's good to hear your voice... I'm the one who's sorry... I didn't think you'd want to talk to me, after the way I left..."

"Of course I'd want to talk to you. I'm sure you had your reasons... I'm calling because there's something I wanted to tell you, something I should have said before you left..." Nelly stopped herself. She remembered what Jax said about it hurting too much, but she wanted – needed - to understand Harry before she continued. "Why did you leave this way, Harry?"

She heard him take a deep breath, as if preparing for a lengthy explanation, "I didn't want to drag it out, saying goodbye, Nel. I don't know if I'd be able to go otherwise. You are...", but before he got a chance to say more, the other extension clicked in.

It was his mother. "Harry? What are you doing on the phone at this ungodly hour?"

"I'm talking to a friend," he was clearly annoyed, but making an effort to be polite, "Please get off, mom."

"Who is it? Jax?"

"Yes, Jax. Now get off."

"Not so fast. So how is your mother, Jackson?"  
>"Fine, it's not Jax." Harry's voice slowed down to an angry growl.<p>

"Oh, it's that girl... I told her to quit calling."

"She called before?" Harry was outraged.  
>"I'm going to show you who wears the pants in this house, boy," said Mary and hanged up.<p>

"I'm sorry, Nel..." Was all Harry managed to say before the line went dead. Nelly redialled right away, and kept trying for the next hour, but there was only a busy signal. Harry was unreachable. It's been a long time since Nelly felt so alone and lonely. The tears came unabated and she all she could do is hug her pillow and cry, while her heart shattered into a thousand little pieces.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 – Lost Together**

Nelly's sleep was feverish and dreamless, so when an insistent ringing of the phone woke her up, she was grateful. It was just past six o'clock in the morning. She picked up the receiver quickly, before the early call pissed off Simon and aunt Linda. They were going through a rough patch already, there was no need to add to it.

"Hello?" She asked, half-asleep.

"Nelly, it's me," the voice she heard was an instant wake up call, "It's Harry."

"Harry? Are you ok? What happened?" She was siting up by the time those words left her lips. It was such a relief to hear his voice again.

"Yeah, fine. My mother was so pissed off, she ripped the telephone wire out of the wall. She didn't know she was doing me a favour."

"Where are you calling from?"  
>"A payphone. Listen, I want you to know that I didn't want to leave Charming, Nel. And I want to say something to you before I run out of quarters."<p>

He paused, waiting for her reply, permission to speak.

"I'm listening, Harry," She braced herself for whatever came next, rain or sunshine.

"I should have maned up, talked to you before I left, but I didn't know how to say goodbye to you, Nel. I was afraid I'd unglue in front of you and make a fool of myself."

She wouldn't have cared, but she was sure he would. This was exactly why they should be having this conversation in person – she wanted to reach out to Harry, feel his hand in hers, make him believe that none of it mattered. For her own sake as much as for his.

He continued quickly, maybe afraid his money would run out, or maybe because he didn't want to stop the flow of his words now. "I don't know what's worse, Nelly, being away from you or thinking that you might never talk to me again. You are an amazing girl, the only girl I've ever cared about... I was being stupid and I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"

In all the time she's known Harry, he never lied to her. Nel was sure of it. She believed him now.

"I'm down to the last quarter, Nel..."

It was clearly her cue. Nelly thought back to what Tara told her, give in or cut him loose. She was done being cautious, there was only one way she wanted this to go.

"I got your message, the song... I really care about you, Harry, more than just a friend. I've been wanting to tell you for a while."

"Oh, thank god," she heard Harry's relieved whisper, then he continued breathlessly, "Are we ok?"

"We're ok." She smiled, encouraged, "I wish you were back, I wish I could see you."

"Nel, I'll do everything I can to be back in Charming by Christmas."

That was five days away.

"I'll be waiting. And Harry..." She wanted to say those three little words that meant so much, but held them back like a treasure, "Take care of yourself, OK?"

The conversation was cut off as soon as she said the words. It seemed that Harry's money had finally run out.

It didn't matter. Now Nelly knew he cared about her, that he'd be back. They both said what needed to be said. Maybe not entirely, but enough. Nel smiled blissfully as she snuggled back in her bed. All she had to do now is wait for him. There were no more doubts, no more worries, just yearning. It was a sweet pain she could take. Nel was grateful that it was Sunday morning and she could go back to sleep. She fell asleep quickly, for a long restful time.

+0+

When Tara called later on Sunday, Nelly couldn't contain herself and told her of the conversation with Harry. The shrieks of joy on the other end of the line send Nel's ear ringing.

"Finally! Nel and Harry sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..."

"Not so fast, Tara," She laughed along with her friend, "He's not back yet. He said he'll try to be here by Christmas."  
>"Aw, that's soon! Jax said his mom wants to have the Sons over for Christmas, asked Piney if Harry would be coming. Piney said he'd be staying with his mother, but hey, that was before you two lovebirds talked."<p>

Nelly believed that Harry wanted to see her just as soon as she wanted to see him. They both could have the best intentions, but the timing was beyond their control. As much as he disliked his mother, Harry respected his father's decisions, even if he didn't agree with them.

"Sooner or later, Harry'll make it happen. I know he will. I just have to be patient."

When Nelly met up with Tara and Jax at school on Monday, they were cheerful and hopeful, teasing her about Harry. Now that she knew he was planning to come back, the two of them were a constant and painful reminder that a part of their foursome was still missing. Harry's absence was a throbbing phantom limb, and Nel was looking for distractions to make it more bearable. In the past couple of weeks she gravitated to Cliff and they've started spending more time together. They were always fond of each other, two odd kids. With his quick, insightful brain and infinite capacity for listening, he became her sounding board. Jax and Tara got in the habit of joining Cliffy and Nel at lunch. At first, conversations were awkward and halting, Cliff being clearly uncomfortable with this new arrangement, but he warmed up to it quickly, laughing at Jax's lame jokes a little too hard and staring a little too long. There was a foursome again, but nothing was the same.

The holidays were coming fast, and this time, in addition to the anxiety of where she would be spending them, Nelly also kept a vigil for Harry. Since her father had no interest in celebrating the holidays, she used to visit Parkers on Christmas Eve and spend Christmas Day with aunt Linda. Now that Donna was out of the picture, she'd be spending them with Linda and Simon. Still, it was a lonely, miserable time for Nel, even if the people who cared about her tried to make it special. On Christmas Eve, Nelly got a gift she didn't quite expect.

Donna called, her voice hushed and hurried, "Nelly, I'm so sorry about what happened."

"Me too, I hope you know how much." Nelly was so glad her best friend finally got in touch with her. "Does this mean we are friends again?"

"You'll always be my best friend, Nelly." Donna's voice broke as she said that, and Nelly heard her cry. "But my mom doesn't want me to talk to you anymore. She won't let me see you."

"What did I do wrong, Donna?" Nelly felt her eyes fill with tears. "What can I do to make things better?"

Donna seemed to calm down a bit, as she continued, "My mom is so mad at you, she says the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That she trusted you when she shouldn't. I think she's hurt, because you didn't come with us."  
>"Your mom was being so unfair, Donna, to me and to Harry." Nelly remembered the hurt she felt as Sue tried to take her away that night. "I was safe with him. He and Tara took care of me. They are good friends."<p>

"And I'm not, right?" Donna prickled. "I've been your friend long before they came along, Nel."

"Please, Donna, let's not fight. It's not how I feel, but with you gone, they are the only friends I've got."

"I know..." Donna sounded defeated. "I had to call you, Nel. I wish you were here."  
>"Yeah, I know. I do too, Donna. Merry Christmas."<p>

The girl that was her best friend close to nine years had hanged up. At least she still cared enough to call, thought Nel. She wished things were back to normal between them, back to the cozy closeness they've had before that damn dance, before she moved to Kennedy High. Somehow Nel knew it was only a pipe-dream, that she had to make peace with it. As much as it hurt, she had to make a conscious decision to move on. She had a lot to look forward to. Except Harry didn't make it back home for Christmas, but he did call again from a payphone, explained that his monster of a mother wouldn't let him out of her sight. She was afraid that he'd deflect to Charming and his dad asked him to stay in Santa Rosa for the holidays. He sounded upset and dejected, and promised he'd be there soon. All Nel could do is reassure him, that this delay didn't change the way she felt about him, and keep waiting.

On Boxing Day, Tara came to Nel with four RHCP tickets in her hand, for the special event hosted by Q92 at a converted warehouse in Sacramento. These were nearly impossible to get, only given out by the radio station in a contest. The concert was tonight.

"Gemma just gave these to me." Tara said, perplexed. "She said, that Jax could use some cheering up, and you know how crazy he is for the Chilli Peppers."

"Are you sure it's a good idea?"

"You've got another one? He's been withdrawn and brooding, hell, nearly suicidal, since his dad died. Harry leaving didn't help. At least it'll help him take his mind off things."

Nelly nodded in understanding. It was worth trying. "Why won't Jax invite Harry too?"

"Don't you think Jax tried?"

Nel's heart fell, then she had an idea, "How about Cliff? We could take him along."

"Are you insane?" Tara exploded, "Do you have any idea about Cliff?"

Nelly was infuriated by Tara's question, "He likes boys, I know. Is that a problem?"

"It wouldn't normally be, but he likes one particular boy." Tara nodded her head, as if willing Nelly to catch on.

Than Nel did, and the realization knocked the wind out of her. "Jax?"  
>"Yeah, Jax. Not only for the girls." Tara's eyes were soft with sadness. "Haven't you ever liked a boy, tried to be his friend just to be ignored?"<p>

It sounded like a rhetorical question. She never cared for a boy enough for that, not until Harry, and he never made her feel ignored. Not even now.

"Well, taking Cliffy with us would be too cruel, Nel. Believe me, it's better this way." Tara bit her bottom lip, and then added sincerely. "I'm sorry."

Once Nel changed into a pair of jeans and a warm, bulky sweater, the girls drove to SAMCRO's clubhouse, and then three of them got on the way to Sacramento in Jax's Mustang. Nelly sat quietly in the empty and spacious back seat, remembering how snug it felt with Harry by her side. They passed unfamiliar landscape, while in front of her Jax and Tara studied the map and argued. Some things never changed, thought Nelly with a crooked smile.

"We just have to make a pit stop, Nel. Won't be a minute." Jax called over his shoulder. Nel didn't care, she was too lost in her thoughts.  
>They stopped in front of a wide bungalow, with most of its lights off. Tara opened the door and said, "Long time no see, Harry. Hop in," then got out of the car to let him into the back seat. Nelly's heart hammered in her chest, as she watched Harry appear in the door. Their eyes met and they both froze. From the wide-eyed look on Harry's face, it was clear that he was as surprised as she was. And then his face lit up with the biggest smile she's ever seen.<p>

+0+

Harry couldn't believe his eyes. The confused mixture of emotions took his breath away. Jax said Nel couldn't come. He was beyond ecstatic to see her, but he couldn't stop the worry and guilt that was gnawing at his gut. He watched Nelly's face transform from surprise into a blinding smile, her eyes brimming with tears as she said his name, and he knew he was wrong to doubt her. Eagerly, he climbed in next to her, and as soon as he did, Nel's arms sneaked around his neck and she hugged him tight.

"Oh, Harry, I didn't know when I'd see you again." She whispered, her tears warm on his skin.

She felt so small in his embrace, smelled of Christmas, of cinnamon and oranges. Being so close to her again was intoxicating, but his mind was clear, "I've missed you so much, Nelly." More than she'd ever know. His lips brushed her temple as she pulled away, and her eyes were on his, still wet with happy tears.

"I'm so glad you're here." Nel whispered breathlessly.

"Nelly, I want to talk to you, but..." He stopped, watched her eyes so intent on his, waiting patiently for him to finish. He wanted to tell her everything, exactly how he felt, but the silence filling the car was an obvious sign they were being watched very closely from the front seats. He didn't want it to happen like this.

When it was clear that he couldn't continue, Nelly smiled at him warmly and said, "I want to talk to you too."  
>"Later?" He asked hopefully, and as she nodded in agreement, he could see it in her yes that she understood. Harry wrapped his arm around Nel and she snuggled into his side, still holding on to his hand as if unwilling to let go of him, as if taking ownership. It felt so good, being wanted.<p>

Then she turned to their friends and complained with a simile on her lips, "You guys are beyond cruel!"

"Beyond." Harry confirmed.

Tara turned to them in the front seat, her eye shining, "Yeah, like the two of you didn't like the surprise."

"We got you good." Jax smiled. "About damn time too."  
>"Yeah, about damn time." Harry smiled back. Waiting for it made him appreciate just how precious here and now was.<p>

Nelly held his hand all the way to the concert and Harry was completely content just being near her, while the four of them exchanged updates on his life with Mary and new happenings in Charming. Once they got there and Harry managed to climb out of the Mustang, he extended his hand to help Nelly as he always did. She took it gladly, but this time, unlike all the times before, she didn't let it go. Instead, Harry felt her fingers interlacing with his and he looked down on Nel in surprise. The smile she gave him was full of promise, full of things they left unsaid, and Harry couldn't help grinning back. And for the first time, he didn't have to wonder how it felt to walk hand in hand, as they followed Tara and Jax all the way to the entrance.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21 – Under the Bridge**

The music was loud, reverberating from the metal walls of the warehouse, almost shaking its foundations. The stage was all the way at the back wall and they had to push their way to the stage through the lively crowd. Harry held on to her hand, as if not wanting to loose her, while he lead the way, his tall, powerful body easily parting the mass ahead. The strong grip of his hand on hers made Nelly feel safe and protected, warm from inside out.

When they finally stopped, about half way down to the stage, and RHCP opened with Give It Away, the frantic energy around them was unbelievable. Nelly had never been to a concert before. The mass of bodies around them moving to the music as one – it made her feel like she was being carried by a current of an ocean, swept up in its chaos and frenzy. It reminded her of the cheering crowd at a football game, but this was totally different. Here, people didn't just watch, passive witnesses to the action on the field - here, everyone was part of the action, everyone lived the music with the band. It was an incredible experience. Soon, body-surfing began: boys jumping off the stage, their backs turned to the crowd behind them, hands outstretched. They looked like they would take a dive and start flying, but instead, they were carried forward, above everyone's heads, by dozens of hands underneath. It was an amazing phenomenon, unlike anything Nelly had ever witnessed, this complete trust granted to strangers.

"Man, I wanna try that!" yelled Jax over the roar, his eyes glistening mischievously and Harry replied with an equally eager grin. "But first thing's first."

Jax pulled out a spliff and lit it up. It was unexpected. Nelly remembered him making fun of the pot-heads in their high-school, but she also noticed the dark downward spiral he was sucked into after his dad's death, the drinking and drugs that came with it. Jax was escaping often, no longer interested in things he loved to do, like playing football and fixing his Mustang or working on bikes.

Tara gave him a look, "Come on, Jax, what's with a gateway drug?" but when Jax offered it to her, she took a drag and then passed it to Harry. He said nothing and took a puff too. Nelly refused, already choking on the fumes around them.

Before the spliff was finished, a couple of good-looking guys bumped into Tara and started hitting on her. And Tara, being Tara, of course was happy to comply. Nelly wondered why she enjoyed pushing Jax's buttons so much. The blonde guy's possessive instincts kicked in as soon as he saw them. He shoved the guy closer to Tara and told them to get lost. They grumbled, but walked away, threatening to get him back.

"You're not the boss of me, Jax Teller!" Tara screamed at him and stomped on his foot.

It was easy to see the pain in Jax's eyes, "You're my girl and I was protecting you!"

"Did it look like I needed protection? They were harmless!"

Nelly could feel Harry tensing next to her.

"Come on, guys, you really want to do this now?" He said to both of them, then turned to Jax, "You need to cool off."

"Yeah, come on. I need to score some weed, anyway."

Jax stomped off, angry, and it was obvious that Harry felt compelled to follow. Nel could see the hesitation in Harry's eyes as he told her, "I better go with him, watch his back. We'll meet you back here. Are you going to be OK?"

Nel gave him a weak smile and nodded. Harry was right to go with Jax, but this was not turning out the way she hopped.

Instead of enjoying herself, Nelly had spent the rest of the concert looking out for Harry and Jax, while Tara partied away. The music stopped, but there was still no sight of the the boys. The warehouse was emptying out and Tara was furious, "Jax Teller will be lucky if I ever speak to him again."

"Maybe it's just taking time for them to get back here." Nelly looked around, searching for their friends in the thinning crowd. She wasn't sure about Jax, but she was sure Harry would keep his word. Anxiety tickled her spine, making fine hair on the back of her neck raise. "Something must have happened. Harry said he'd come back here."  
>"Of course he did." Tara let out an angry huff, and added, "Well, I'm done waiting. Are you coming with me or waiting for them to show up?"<p>

Nelly, thought about it for a moment, hoping they'd run into them on their way out. Feeling worried, she gave in, "Fine, let's go."

"Now we need to figure out a way to get home."

+0+

They went straight to Jax's car, hoping the boys would be waiting there. Tara might have had the bravado going, but her eyes kept searching the emptying parking lot as much as Nelly's. They didn't find Jax or Harry, but Nelly noticed two SAMCRO kuttes heading for their bikes. She would rather rely on the devil she knew than complete strangers.

She pointed them out to Tara, "We should catch up to them, see if they can help us out."

"Better than calling the 'rents," agreed Tara, as they headed in the bikers' direction.

Nelly noticed that the two were newly patched Sons in their late twenties, the reapers on their backs clean and fresh.

The girls caught up to them at their bikes, and as usual, Tara took the lead.

"Hey guys," she put on a confident smile, but Nelly saw the strained anxiety behind it. "Feel like helping out two Charming girls ditched by their boyfriends?"

Internally, Nelly felt awkward about the term "boyfriend", but didn't bother to correct her.

"What? Who'd be idiot enough to leave the likes of you?" The taller one, with two Joker-like scars on his face, asked in a thick accent. The way he pronounced "eejit" made Nelly think of her favourite Irish movie, The Commitments. His crooked smile and a mischievous glint in his eye almost made up for the scars.

"Two morons called Jax Teller and Harry Winston." Tara used the names like a secret password. A glance of recognition passed between the two bikers.

"Morons indeed." The other one confirmed while he took in the girls from their heads to their toes. He had a large, hooked nose that belonged on the Wicked Witch of the West and beady, cruel eyes. Between the two of them, Nelly definitely liked the tall foreigner better. "I'm Tig, and this ugly bastard is Chibs."

"I'm Jax's girlfriend, Tara. And this is our friend, Nelly." Her dark-haired friend made the introductions.

"We'd be honoured to assist," the one called Chibs gave a little bow.

"And then whup their asses," added Tig.

"Oh, I've got dibs on the ass-whupping." Tara hissed, which made the bikers burst with laughter.

"Spunky. I like that." Said Tig, as he handed Tara his helmet. "You, sweetie, are riding with me."

"I guess you're stuck with me then, lovey." Chibs flashed his smile at Nelly.

"Maybe it's for the better." Nelly whispered to herself, as she followed the man to his bike. They were about to climb on when, in an afterthought, he asked, "Have you ridden before?"

Nelly took a big breath and decided to tell the truth. "No, never." She always thought it would be Harry taking her for that first bike ride.

"Ah, a bike virgin." The man winked at her, but somehow didn't make it sound dirty. "Right then, this beast may look fast and dangerous, but she's as steady as an ox. You get on behind me, lock your arms around my waist, and just hold on. If there's a problem, yell. And be glad you're wearing trousers."

"Ok." Nelly took another shaky breath, her face blanching as she fumbled with the helmet buckle. Chibs reached out and gently pushed her hands away, closing it with ease.

"It'll be all right." He reassured her quietly with a warm smile and confident eye. She wasn't sure if he was talking about her missing friends or the bike ride, still she found it comforting. Within moments Nelly was sitting behind him, her face pressed to the reaper patch, and they were off.

They pulled into the Teller-Morrow garage parking lot in the dead of night, but the club was far from being deserted. A few bikes were parked up front, the lights were on in the bar, and the sounds of Creedence were drifting on the cool winter's night air. The girls got off the bikes and thanked the guys who brought them there.

"So, love, how are you getting home?" Chibs asked Nelly, his fingers lingering on hers as she handed back the helmet. Nelly found it creepy and thrilling at the same time.

"Tara will give me a lift."

"Two pretty, fresh things like you shouldn't be out alone at night." Tig leered at Tara. "We'll take you home."

"I think we should tell someone about Jax and Harry." Nelly said, looking for support in Tara and Chibs.

"They'll be fine, probably caught some tail at the concert." Tig laughed, but Chibs punched him in the ribs and shut him up.

"They may be fine, or they may not be." Chibs replied cryptically. He thought about it, as he studied Nelly's face. "Let's talk to Bobby."

"Speak of the devil," Said Tig and gestured with his head to a short, portly man with a wild mane of hair and a bushy beard, who was barrelling towards them.

Before he even acknowledged the girls, he positioned himself protectively in front of them and growled at the men, "Knock it off, Romeos, these girls go to school with Jax and Harry."  
>"Yeah, we know," said Chibs as he smiled at Nelly, a little naughty, a little too familiar.<p>

"Hasn't stopped me before." Tig took a step towards Tara, as she cringed in disgust, but was pushed back by Bobby.

The stubby guy turned to the girls and smiled, "Tara and Nelly, right? I remember you two from the funeral. I'm Bobby."

The girls nodded and said hello.

"Don't pay any attention to them," he stuck his thumb at the guys behind him, "These hounds are all bark and no bite."

"Oh, I'd love to bite, believe me." Tig wouldn't give up.

"Listen, Bobby," Chibs cut in, "The reason we brought them here is 'cause Jax and Harry disappeared on them at the concert. Lucky we happened to be there."

"What do you mean, disappeared?"

"Well, we got here together, but then Jax and I had a fight, and then the guys went off looking for weed and didn't come back." Tara shrugged.

"Maybe it was an honest mistake and you guys just missed each other?" Bobby asked, studying the girls' faces.

"Maybe, but I don't think they'd take off like that." Nelly shook her head. She was sure that even if Jax was pissed off with Tara, both boys were too responsible to leave them to their own devices so far from home.

"OK, listen, I'm sure Gemma's still up. Why won't you go over to her house and she'll figure out what to do? I'll give her a call, tell her you're on your way. You're good with that?"

It sounded like a reasonable idea, and with quick goodbyes, Nelly and Tara headed for the Impala. As the were walking away, they heard Bobby scolding the guys "Which part of under-age don't you understand, morons?"

"Oh, but they were lovely, Bobby." Nelly heard Chibs' drawl.

"And ripe for picking." Tig added lewdly.

"They are kids!" Said Bobby gruffly. "Stay the hell away or I'll break your heads in."

+0+

"Creepy old bastards," said Tara once they got into the car. She shrugged her shoulders in disgust.

"They're not that old." Nelly replied, grateful for Chib's intervention and totally irritated by Tara's lack of concern for Jax and Harry.

"Still, too old. Like they'd ever have a chance in hell. Just wait till I tell Jax. If his mom finds out, she'll get them skinned."

"So you are going to talk to him again?"

"Jackson Teller is a rat bastard!" Tara said fiercely. Nelly could almost see the steam coming out of her ears. "I should have stayed away from him, fucking macho biker."

"What happened to 'they might be biker kids, but they are good guys'?" Nel felt betrayed as she reminded Tara of what she told her at the fair.

"Jax may be a catch and I'd be a fool to let him loose now, but it's not like I'm planning to be with him for the rest of my life." Tara scoffed. "I won't be around long enough for the kutte and the patch."

"Then why are you with him? You know how serious he is about the M.C." Nel asked earnestly. She cared for them both and didn't want to see their relationship fizzle out in anger.

"For the same reasons you've been keeping Harry at arm's length," Tara zeroed in on the painful truth, "Bad boy fantasy. Chivalry is not dead, it's just transformed into a knight in leather armour on a steel horse. As much as you're trying to deny it, Nel, you are falling for it too. You are sharp enough to know that the M.C. is as much part of Harry as it is of Jax. If you wanted to stay away from the club, you should have stayed the hell away from him too. But you can't, can you?"

Nelly didn't respond as she seethed, shocked into silence by Tara's outspoken rant.

"If you wanna be an old lady when you grow up, then be my guest. You've got your biker boyfriend covered." Tara gave a big sigh, her voice softer as she continued, "Sure, I love being around Jax, but I've got a plan, Nelly. And it doesn't include Charming or SAMCRO."

They drove the rest of the way to Mrs. Teller's house in silence. By the time Gemma opened the door in her bathrobe, Tara was back to her love-sick self and Nelly was anxious to find Harry. The girls explained the situation and Gemma lit up a cigarette as she listened, another as she thought about what to do. And that was when the phone rang. Nelly and Tara only heard one side of the conversation, but it was clear that the call was from Jax, that Harry was in trouble, and that Mr. Winston and Gemma needed to get to Mercy General Hospital in Sacramento on the double. She hanged up the phone and gave the girls a choice of either going home or coming with her. Then, while she changed into a pair of jeans and a black, leather jacket, Tara called her mom and Nelly called her aunt to let them know why they'd be away for the rest of the night. There was no way of contacting Piney, but Gemma asked Clay to find him. Nelly and Tara didn't hesitate as they rushed after Gemma and climbed into the back seat of her boat of a Caddie.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 – Diamonds & Pearls**

"Bro, you gave us all such a scare, and it's all my fault." Jax stood at the feet of Harry's hospital bed.

"What happened, Jax? I mean after those two numbnuts tried to kick our asses."

His best friend smirked at Harry, obviously reminded of the fight the two of them had with the assholes who hit on Tara. Yeah, so they got knocked around, but they came ahead, until they've decided to accept a spliff as a sign of truce. Jax and Harry shared it pretty equally, but for some reason, Harry reacted to it in a way they didn't expect. With rash, puking, and not breathing.

"You had an allergic reaction to opiates."

"Opiates? But how..?" Harry felt disjointed, literally. His body seemed to be made out of jello, his head full of rocks.

"Hard drugs. Like heroin. That joint they gave us was laced with the stuff. They had to pump you full of meds to bring you down, wash out the drugs out of your system. The doc said it would have killed you if you weren't such a big s.o.b." Jax looked sombre and ashamed. "I'm sorry, brother, I was being an idiot and you got hurt."

"Yeah, you're an idiot," Harry said, then smiled at him, "but I forgive you."

Jax smiled at him, "Everyone was so worried about you, Nelly the worst. I think she really likes you."

Harry perked up when he heard that. Somehow, it made him feel much better. "Is she here?"

"Yeah, in the waiting room with Tara and my mom." Jax gave a big sigh, and then gave him the worst news. "We had to call your dad. He's on his way and beyond pissed. He said he'll make you sweep the garage for the rest of your life to pay the medical bills."

"That sounds good, cause it means I'm staying in Charming." Harry wasn't too worried. His dad was tough, but fair. He was sure they'd work something out. His mind was elsewhere, "Do you think she wants to see me?"

"I don't know, she's pretty upset." Jax shook his head with a smirk, "She keeps swinging from being furious, at you and me and those asswipes, to crying. Then back again."

Harry felt awful about ditching Nel and putting her through this, accidentally or not. Still, it was good to know she cared enough to be here and worry.

He smiled at his best friend, "I seriously thought I was gonna die without ever kissing her."  
>Jax burst out laughing. "You barely lived, and this was your biggest worry? You're a jerk, Harry."<p>

"Asshole." Responded Harry fondly.

The boys exchanged a fist bump and Jax said. "I'll go get your Juliet."

The first thing he noticed about Nelly when she walked in were her eyes, still red and wet with tears. She was obviously crying, and it made Harry's heart ache.

"How are you?" She asked quietly, as she stopped a few steps away from the gurney.

"It seems I'll live." replied Harry lightly, not wanting to worry her more.

"I thought you were going to die..." Her tears burst forward again and Harry felt awful, literally felt the hurt of causing her pain. He tried to sit up, but was too weak.

"I'm so sorry, Nelly. I didn't mean for this to happen." He finally understood that he could have gotten hurt, or worse. His apology was sincere, and Nelly must have sensed that, because she walked up to him and took his hand in hers, interlacing their fingers.

There was one more thing he needed to clear up, "I'm sorry for leaving you stranded."

"Trust me, that was the least of my worries." Nelly's face relaxed, although fresh tears were still in her eyes. "You are in enough trouble already. I hear your dad is on his way."

"Awesome." Harry sighed, but he was glad to be back in her good graces.

"He's here because he cares, Harry." Nelly scolded him with a smile that touched her eyes.

"Yeah, I know..." He smiled back.

"Just please, don't disappear again." Her eyes earnest and concerned on his.

For a moment Harry had a feeling that she was talking about him leaving Charming. Either way, he had no intentions of leaving her again.

"I won't, I promise." He said seriously, and squeezed her hand. Looking at her, he felt frozen in a happy moment and wishing it would never end.

Her hand reached up and touched the side of his face, smoothed back hair from his temple. Then Harry watched in shock and awe as her lovely face neared his. He was sure that in a moment Nel's lips would touch his, and he closed his eyes in anticipation. He could already smell her, feel her warmth. At that precise moment, Piney burst into the room. Nelly jumped back, startled, and moved out of the way as the big man came barrelling down towards him. Harry reeled back, certain Piney was going to hit him, but was surprised when his dad embraced him fiercely instead.

"Thank god you're OK, son." Was all Piney said as he hugged Harry to his chest. Then he pulled away and looked at his son with hard eyes, "Now, don't let this happen again."

"Yes, sir." Responded Harry and smiled gratefully. He knew it would be all right. Except by now, Nelly had disappeared from the room.

+0+

To Harry's surprise, Nelly came back a few hours later with a batch of chicken noodle soup she made for him. He couldn't be more grateful. "I was getting so sick of hospital food."

Nelly smiled at him, as she sat down on the gurney and opened a thermos. "I made sure you're allowed, so I won't get you in trouble. Or sick again."

Harry blushed, embarrassed by her kindness. "Thanks, Nelly."

She watched him eat in silence for a few moments, while he struggled to keep his hands from trembling.

"How are you feeling?" she asked when he was done.

"Like I've been hit by a ton of bricks." Harry replied honestly. "Still too weak to get up."

"It'll probably be a little while before all the drugs get out of your system. You'll feel better in a few days."

"I can't wait to get out of here."

"The nurse said they are keeping you for observation until tomorrow, but the doctor is sure there's no organ damage." He could see a shiver run down her back. "You were so lucky, Harry."

His eyes met hers, tired and distressed, and he said seriously, "I am lucky, Nel." And he meant all of it: her, being alive, his Charming family and friends.

Nelly must have understood, because a blush crept over her cheeks. She reached out , touched his hand, and he took hold of hers.

"So what now?" she asked.

For a moment a thousand different replies whirled through Harry's head. _Kiss me. Stay with me a while. Or forever. I love you._ It took real effort to come back from his daydream and stick to real life, "My mother is sending me back to dad. She said I need a firm hand."

"You're coming back to Charming?" Nelly's smile lit up the room.

"Yeah, as soon as I'm out of here."

"Finally some good news," She beamed at him, "You know, you still owe me for ditching us at the concert."

"Anything you want." Harry said gladly and totally meant it. The possibilities were endless, but he didn't expect what she asked for.

"How about taking me back to that rock on the lake?"

He was reminded of the full moon the two of them watched together while they talked about their futures. "My thinking rock?"

"That's the one."

"As soon as I'll get out of here."

"How about as soon as you're well enough?" She smiled at him and he nodded in agreement.

"Fine, you've got yourself a deal."

They fell silent, and Harry could feel the current running between them.

"I'm just so glad you're ok." Nelly whispered relieved, overwhelmed by tears again.

Harry sat up slowly and pulled her into a hug.

"Yeah, I'm ok." He whispered, soothing. "I'm back and I'm not going anywhere."

Sheltering this girl in his arms, feeling Nel's closeness and the tickle of her breath on his skin, made for a volatile combination. Before Harry realized what he was doing, his lips were on Nelly's, and he lost himself in a soft, sweet kiss that seemed to last forever. She still smelled of Christmas and tasted of cinnamon.

A crackling p.a. system came to life and interrupted them, their lips disconnecting. The visitor hours were over.

He wasn't letting go and she wasn't pulling away.

"I better get going, before the nurses will throw me out." She whispered against his shoulder, and he released her reluctantly.

His hands lingered on her waist. "I wish you could stay."  
>"Me too." She smiled at him shyly. "Sleep well, Harry. I'll come by your dad's house tomorrow when you get home."<p>

She left in a flash, like some kind of a magical creature disappearing at twilight. And the only proof he had that she had been there at all, was the taste of her lip-gloss.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23 – More Than Words**

Even though she hardly got any sleep in the last 48 hours, Nelly was on cloud nine. Harry kissed her. And he was coming back to Charming. Well, they weren't exactly boyfriend-girlfriend, but the details didn't matter. She knew for sure he cared about her. About _her_. Nel couldn't remember the last time she felt so happy. Even the fact that her aunt Linda asked her to move back with her dad, while she and Simon were having their issues, didn't put a damper on Nel's happiness.

As soon as she got enough sleep, Nelly went straight to the Winston's house on early Monday afternoon. She heard from Jax that Piney brought Harry home in the morning. Judging by the way Harry looked at the hospital last night, Nel was sure he still felt terrible. She needed to check on him and she did promise to visit him after all.

Nel knocked on the door of a deep, old-fashioned bungalow, but there was no answer. She rung the doorbell and still nothing. Then tried the door and found it locked. It puzzled her, but after a couple of minutes she decided to give up and got as far as the gate of their front yard, when she heard the door creak open and Harry's voice calling her name.

She beamed at him as she rushed back. When she reached the door, Harry was leaning on the door frame, his face blanched and covered with a fine layer of sweat. He was obviously making an effort to stand.

"Come on, Harry, let me help you sit down." Nel didn't think twice as she wrapped his arm around her shoulders and slowly lead him to the couch nearby. Harry sat down heavily, with a relieved sigh. "I'm sorry I made you get up."

"I'm sorry I'm so slow." Harry smiled sheepishly.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, sitting down next to him.

"Not great, but better than yesterday." He didn't look well, although his face was slowly returning to its normal colour. Still, there were dark circles under his eyes and his shoulders were slumping.

"Are you on your own?"  
>"Yeah, pop's been gone since morning."<p>

Nelly heard Harry's stomach rumble.

"Did you eat anything?"

"No, not hungry."  
>"I think you are now." She watched him blush, then had an idea. "Let me see what's in the fridge and I'll fix you something."<br>"It's ok, Nelly. I'm good." Harry's macho posturing was back.

"You've got to get your strength back if you want to take me back to Folsom Lake." Nelly knew he needed motivation and that was the only way she could think of.

"Fine." Harry gave her a crooked smile. There was no fooling him.

Nelly inspected contents of the fridge and found them wanting. There were eggs nearing their expiration date, some cheese, and a stale loaf of bread. Within minutes, she brought him a plate of cheese omelet and toast with a cup of hot, sweet tea. She watched him dig in gratefully and devour it.

"No, not hungry at all," she giggled, and he only smiled in reply.

"It seems you know your way around the kitchen." He said between bites, sounding impressed. "Where did you learn how to cook?"

"I've been feeding my dad for years. Besides, it's not that difficult." She waved him off. It really wasn't a big deal.

"This was good, Nel. Thanks."

"Just wait 'till I make dinner."

"You don't have to do that..." Clearly, he was being polite, but it was obvious that Piney was making do on his limited cooking skills and mostly take out.

"I want to, and don't worry, I won't work my fingers to the bone. I promise."

Harry nodded and then suddenly yawned, "I'm tired all the time. Do you mind if I lie down?"

Nel shook her head and he started stretching out on the couch. It was a small one, a love seat really, and there was no way he would be comfortable.

"Maybe you should go to bed, Harry." Nelly suggested.

"I would, except I'm not sure I'd be able to get there." His forehead creased, his cheeks coloured in embarrassment.

Nelly remembered the effort it took him to get to the front door, a few steps away, and looked down the long hallway to the bedrooms in the back of the house. She weighed the options, then decided, "Let's try together." She reached out his hand to him, yet he hesitated. "Come on."

After another moment, he grasped it and pulled himself up. As she got his arm around her shoulders, Nelly was thankful she was tall enough to support his weight. It was slow going, with Harry resting on Nel and reaching out to random furniture and walls along the way, but they arrived at his bedroom a couple of minutes later. It was at the very end of the hallway, a large and mostly empty room with furniture consisting of a carved double bed with a Harley poster above it, a night stand, and a book shelf with a few comics, sports trophies, Star Wars videos, and a tiny TV set. The walls were wallpapered in light blue and white stripes with a boarder of teddy bears. This must have been his nursery many years ago and it had never gotten an update. In some strange and twisted way, it was sweet and suited his personality, but the room had a vacant, un-lived-in quality, as if someone had moved out of it. It reminded Nel painfully of the time he was away, but then she felt Harry's arm around her, his breath coming fast and shallow as he laboured on, and the past didn't matter anymore.

She deposited Harry on his bed and went back to the kitchen. She found cans of beans and tomatoes in the pantry, a pound of hamburger meat and some veggies in the freezer. It seemed that Mary was quite the cook, because in a cupboard Nelly discovered all the spices she needed to make chili. She got a pot going and soon had food simmering on the stove. Then she went back to check on Harry, who was stretched out on his bed and soundly asleep. Nel reached for a blanket at the feet of the bed and pulled it over him. His face looked so relaxed, so boyish. It must have been the way he looked as a child, Nelly thought as her gaze lingered. But then she noticed the curve of his full lips, the slight stubble covering his angular jaw, and saw the man he was. As if against her will, her hand reached out and touched his face. Harry woke up with a start. It startled her a bit, and she withdrew quickly. But he was quicker, taking her hand in his. He held it lightly as he said, "It's OK, Nel." She recognized it as a gesture intended to calm her and sat down next to him, her hand returning to his face, her fingers smoothing away hair from his forehead, their eyes studying each other. Suddenly, he asked "Nel, did you mean all those things you said before? That you care about me?"

His voice was laced with anxiety, his eyes naked and hopeful. After everything they've been through, it was a wonder he had to ask. It seemed that he needed to confirm it, in no uncertain terms.

"Yes, I care about you, Harry." It was the truth. She thought she felt more, but was afraid to say it. "I don't want to loose you again."

She watched his eyes relax a little, then he asked, "Do you want to be my girl?"

Nelly felt her heart skip a beat, her head swam with giddy happiness.

"Yeah, I do." She whispered without hesitation. Finally admitting it felt so good.

Harry pulled her down to him gently and kissed her. His lips were soft, they parted and kissed her top lip and then the bottom. The sweet sensation made her dizzy. She had to break the kiss to come up for air.

Harry moved over on the bed, making space for her and said, "Come here."

For a moment Nelly thought this was an invitation to something more, but the way he said it, the way his eyes shined, made her feel that she didn't need to be afraid. Nel laid down next to Harry, her tall, slender body melting into his long, muscled frame. Her head rested on his shoulder and she draped her arm over his chest. She felt Harry put his arm around her gently, like she was a porcelain figurine and he was afraid to break her.

"You are one of a kind, Harry." She whispered, closing her eyes and enjoying the closeness. His body began to relax, give into the shape of hers. He pulled her a little closer and kissed the top of her head, his nose in her hair while he breathed in deeply. Realizing that they were cuddling, Nelly sighed and said before thinking, "This is so nice."

"I hope it's enough, because I can't do much else." Harry laughed.  
>"Nah, this is perfect." Nelly yawned, relaxed and happy. "Let's watch Star Wars."<p>

Harry's dad got home later that evening, while Nelly and Harry were on Return of the Jedi. They didn't bother disentangling when he walked in. He smiled at what he saw. "So is this official? You two finally got it together?"  
>Harry and Nelly smiled at each other. "Yeah," they said at the same time. Then Nelly pulled herself away from Harry and sat up, "I made some chili for you and Harry, Mr. Winston. Would you like me to get you some?"<p>

"Thanks, Nelly, but I can serve myself. It seems you're comfortable here." He smiled at her, then winked at his son. "What did you do to charm this girl?"

"Must be my Star Wars videos. I told you they weren't a total waste."

"Yeah, I couldn't resist that." Nelly teased, and then realized that since Mr. Winston was home, it must be pretty late. "I should be going."

"Let me give you a lift, doll." Said Piney and left.

Nelly turned to Harry. "You take it easy, big guy, ok? And call me if you need anything.

"You got it." He pulled her closer and planted a brief kiss on her lips. "Thanks for everything."

"I better treat you right, now that you're my boyfriend." Nelly winked at him. She waited a long time to say that word, and it tasted as sweet as honey on her tongue.

She was rewarded with Harry's goofy grin, as he said, "You're my girl."

+0+

Piney and Nelly drove up to the Hathaway's house to find Darby leaving with a beer in his hand. Nel got off Mr. Winston's bike and watched the skinhead stumble down the porch stairs, then walk up unsteadily to them at the curb. It was obvious that he already had one too many.

"Hey, sweetheart... I see you got yourself a fully patched sugar daddy," Darby slurred in greeting.

"Who is this clown, Nelly?" Piney's eyes narrowed dangerously as stepped up next to her.

"My dad's friend." Nelly says quietly.

"Nice company your father keeps." The biker said as he raised his eyebrow.

Nel hoped it would end there, but Darby closed the distance between them in a few swift steps and pressed her body against his hardness. The man's breath was hot and sour in her ear as he whispered, "Are you ready for me? Cause I'm ready for you."

In that one, brief moment, he made his old threat alive again. Nelly's heart was gripped in an iron vice, fear turning her blood into ice.

It happened in a split moment, but Piney reacted quickly. He punched Darby in the shoulder and pushed him away from Nelly, "Get your hands off her, you Nord bitch."

"Jealous one, isn't he?" Darby asked sarcastically, as he stumbled back.

"Shut the fuck up and get out of here before I do you some real damage."

That was when Troy joined them unsteadily on the lawn. "Why are you harassing my friend here?"

"Because he's harassing your daughter!" Mr Winston's voice was hard and angry.

Nel's father shrugged carelessly, "No harm done."

"This is your kid you're talking about. Are you gonna let this shit-head treat her like that?"  
>Darby riled, ready to pounce on Winston, but Nel's father held him back, "No need to get in hot water over this. Go on, get out of here."<p>

The strapping, bold man spat at the ground and walked away into the night, while Troy turned on Nel, "I hardly see you around the house since you started running those damn bikers! You get back to your chores, girl, or I'll give you something to cry about."

"Give her a break, all right?" Piney tried to smooth things over. "She's a good kid."

"What is it to you, old man?" Troy's balance wavered, but he stood his ground.

Nelly looked at Mr. Winston pleadingly, hoping he wouldn't spill her secret. Piney seemed to understand as he told her father, "Nelly was hanging with her friends, she didn't get into any trouble, didn't come home drunk. So what's your problem?"

"Drunk, eh?" Troy zeroed in on the one word that seemed to chaff him. "What's wrong with having a drink?"

Piney gave him a long, disgusted look. "Nothing, as long as you can handle it and don't take it out on your kid."

"Yeah, she's my kid, so fuck off." Then he grabbed Nelly's arm and pulled her roughly towards the house.

"Hey, easy!" Piney called in warning, as she stumbled and fell. "Don't you hurt her!"

"Or what?" Troy turned back to Piney, took a few steps in his direction.

"I'll hurt you back."

Troy gave him a long measured look, "Get out of here, biker scum."

"And that coming from the Nord's bitch."

"What did you say?"

"You head me."

Troy ran at Piney, beer bottle brandished in one hand as a weapon. Piney sent one well aimed right hook to his jaw, and the drunk man sprawled, senseless, on the grass.

"Come on, Nelly." Piney reached out to her. "You can't stay here. Hop on."

"I don't want to cause trouble, Mr. Winston."

"You're not the one causing trouble, sweetheart."

"We can't just leave him here." Nelly was still in shock, both at her father's behaviour and Piney's protection. Harry's father groaned in frustration, but hoisted Troy up and over his shoulder. They brought him into the house and Mr. Winston deposited him unceremoniously on the couch. Then he asked, "We need to get you out of here, Nelly. Where do you wanna go? Back to my house?"

As much as she loved that idea, she had only one option, "Aunt Linda's."


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24 – Patience**

The wrath of Troy did not come. He either didn't remember what happened, or was too much of a coward to retaliate. He didn't even bother showing up at Linda's house. Nelly was relieved, but decided not to tempt faith and stayed as far away from her father as possible. It wasn't hard, since she spent as much time as she could with Harry, while he got better. Mr. Winston told her there was an extra bedroom in their house if she ever needed a place to stay, and she was grateful for his offer. It was clear where Harry got his protective instincts and learned how to administer justice. Piney didn't keep what happened a secret, and Harry was livid with her father. Her boyfriend pleaded with Nel never to return to her Troy's house, promised to take care of her and to keep her safe. And deep in her bones, Nelly knew he meant it. She had no intentions of living with her father again, but truthfully, aunt Linda could get in trouble with Simon at any time, and then Nel would have no choice. Living with Donna's family was no longer an option, and she wasn't close enough with Tara to impose on her. Staying with Harry and Piney was a refuge she wasn't ready to accept yet. Nelly lived with a constant, gnawing fear of her father and his unpredictable moods, afraid that one day all the imagined infractions of hers would push Troy over the edge, that he would explode like a volcano and his rage would engulf and consume her.

+0+

It took Harry nearly a week to get back to feeling like himself again. Nelly came over often, and he was glad to have her near, keep her out of harm's way. Harry was seething when Piney told him what happened at Troy's house, ready to beat old Hathaway to a pulp, but his rage evaporated as soon as Nel touched his face and told him to let go of the anger. She fed him delicious food she cooked for him, kept him company with quiet conversation and her kind, loving presence. And he wouldn't admit it, but he loved it, he totally enjoyed being pampered. It was probably the best time of his life and Harry soaked up every second of it. Every memory of their time together was like a treasure he'd put away, to be revisited and turned around like precious jewels whenever she was away.

Once they returned to school, things remained the same - they would hold hands while walking down the school hallways and sneak kisses when no one was watching. At lunch, instead of sitting opposite each other, across the table, Nel would slide in next to him, and he wouldn't hesitate to put his arm around her narrow back and pull her closer to his side. Jax and Tara teased, while Cliffy – who was now a regular in their little circle of social misfits - pretended to be disgusted by this new PDA between them. Harry didn't care - he was happy and ready to shout it out to the world. But most of all, for the first time in his life, Harry felt like he could talk to someone, that he could share his thoughts and his feelings without being ridiculed or judged. That Nel cared for him unconditionally. He had worshipped Nelly from a distance for a long time, dreaming of getting to know her, but he never expected that their paths would cross and that he'd fall for her so completely. Harry never imagined that Nel would become so much more than his girlfriend, that she would be a friend who would listen and care.

+0+

Two weeks had passed before they were able to get back to Harry's thinking rock. They've made the trek with Nel's hand securely in Harry's, and sat down next to each other on top of the outcrop. Cool wind whipped around them, sending a spray of stray drops of lake water up over the edge of the rock.

He leaned into her side and teased, "Last time we were here, I wanted to share my shirt and you wouldn't take it."

"I was being silly." Nel remembered those early conversations they had here, the planting of a seed. So much has happened since then, but she wasn't above teasing, "This time I didn't forget my jacket."

"Now you don't need a jacket, cause you've got me." He moved to sit behind her, enveloped her in a cocoon of his long arms and legs, and she leaned against his broad chest. Nel felt encased in a protective shell that no Darby, no Troy, no misery and pain would ever penetrate.

It was just as he said, Nel wasn't alone anymore, she had Harry now. And although she didn't say it, Nelly felt like she belonged to him too.

She watched the sky colour with grey, sheets of rain coming down and hitting the surface of the lake, creeping closer with every wave. "The rain is coming," she whispered.

Nel felt his chest rumble and warm breath in her ear, as he chuckled, "Damn, we just got here."

They stayed as long as they could, which was a mistake, and then had to hurry back to his pick-up while the rain came down hard. By the time they got to the truck, they were dripping wet and soaked to the bone. They climbed in quickly, while they laughed and shivered. Harry turned on the car's engine and cranked up the heating. The stale air blowing out of the vents was cool to start with, but warmed up quickly. The windows of the cab fogged up instantly, enclosing them in tiny bubble of their own universe, while and the raindrops thundered on the windshield and daylight ebbed away.

They both stripped off their jackets, but the clothes underneath were just as wet. Nelly rung out water out of her long hair, making a puddle on the floor, then have done the same with the front of her t-shirt, but it made no difference.

"You're going to catch wet death here." Harry joked, as he wiped rain-drops from her face. Then he reached under the seat bench and pulled out a scruffy, old blanket. He unfolded it and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Here, get under this."

"Wait," Nel stopped him. "We'll only get the blanket wet." There was no other way of avoiding it other than stripping down to their underwear. Harry seemed to have come to the same conclusion and they exchanged a charged, apprehensive glance. There was a moment when Nelly wanted to hold back, anxious and excited at a thought of where this could lead them, but a warm light in Harry's eyes calmed her. She pulled on the hem of her shirt, struggling to wiggle out of it as it clung to her body, while Harry gracefully striped his off in one fast swoop.

"Let me help," he offered, and when she didn't object, he pulled off Nel's shirt, leaving her only in a bra and rain-soaked pair of jeans.

The action pushed them closer together. Nelly could feel the heat radiating from Harry's naked chest, as hers accidentally brushed against it. This brief contact with his skin, still moist with rain, sent a spark that started a fire. As he pulled her gently towards him, she saw that he felt it too. The kisses that followed were urgent and luscious, made Nelly's body tingle and her head swim. Nel's hands sneaked up his neck and into his hair, tugging and smoothing in turns, as her lips melted with Harry's. His hands skimmed over her body, caressed her in broad strokes. She felt the tips of his fingers dance on the edges of her breast, then follow the band of her bra, until they reached the closure at the back. Harry broke the kiss and his eyes silently asked for permission. All she had to do is give a slight nod of a head and his fingers released the hooks.

Nelly shivered when her naked chest touched the heat of his, the warmth of his skin burning the coolness of hers. Harry engulfed her in an embrace and lowered her to the car bench. He bent over her and trailed soft kisses down her neck, reaching her collar bone, but travelling no further. Then he lied down next to Nel, containing her, the right side of his body resting on top of hers, his thick arm making a pillow for her head. Nelly's fingers traced the outline of his bicep, caressed his smooth chest, as their lips met again.

"You are so beautiful..." Harry whispered, while his eyes took her in, his hand sweeping up from her waist, delicately stroking the curve of her breast. Nelly held her breath as Harry explored, while her body was becoming heavy with sudden warmth.

Within moments, Nelly felt Harry's hardness against her, and cold dread flooded her at the memory of Darby's body so recently pressed against hers. The yearning stirring deep within her drained instantly, leaving her cold and rigid.

Harry noticed the change just as quickly. "What's wrong, Nelly?" He moved to the side, but still held her close. His warm, gentle hand moved away from her body and up to her face. His tenderness, so unexpected, broke her heart. He didn't deserve this, but she couldn't shake the fear that gripped her.

"It's happening so fast, Harry... Can you wait?"

"Yeah... we can wait." There was a naughty spark in his eyes. "I'm burning for you, Nel, but I want you to feel ready. Otherwise, it wouldn't be... right."

It wasn't fair to Harry, this kind of teasing, even if unintentional. Nelly felt that letting him go was only reasonable. "Listen, Harry, I'll understand if you want to break up with me because of this..."  
>Harry's eyes narrowed, hurt and surprised. "Do you think that's all I care about?"<p>

His reaction confirmed to Nelly that he was being sincere. "I'm sorry, Harry, I know you're not like that, but most boys are..." She pulled his face to hers, kissed his lips. "Forgive me. It's just that you say all the right things."

"I mean everything I say, Nel. I'd never do anything to hurt you." Harry said, his eyes intent and serious on hers. Then he reassured her with a long, sweet kiss. He wasn't forceful, just affectionate, and convinced Nelly that he meant it.

Then he asked quietly. "Is it because of what my dad saw? The way that skinhead got to you?"

Nel just nodded, suppressing tears. Harry pulled her closer, tucking her head under his chin, his arms cradling her. "It's OK, Nel, we'll take it slow."

Nelly felt crushed. Why couldn't she enjoy the closeness and tenderness of this wonderful guy? Instead, she was filled with anxiety and heartache. Tears overwhelmed her as she told him, "I'm sorry I'm so messed up."

"You're not, you're perfect." Harry whispered as he kissed her temple, "You are everything to me, Nel. I love you."

She sobbed against this chest in reply, cursing herself for being so guarded and withdrawn, feeling that she didn't deserve Harry and his love. And all he did was hold her until the trembling stopped and the tears subsided.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25 - Change **

That evening at Folsom Lake, their tenderness in the rain, had brought Harry and Nelly closer together. It made him understand her better, it made her trust him more. Despite Nelly's anxiety and cautiousness, it was hard work keeping her hands off Harry. The opportunities to exercise her self-control were plentiful. It didn't take much, really. It would be enough to sit down next to him at lunch, their thighs touching under the table, or the way Harry put his arm around Nel when he'd drive home after school in his pick-up. It was the hungry look in his eyes as they met hers across a classroom, or a sly little smile he'd give her just before they kissed. Any little thing Harry did would send a shiver down Nelly's spine and feed the little flame inside her. But best of all was going to drive-in movies, whether it was just the two of them or they went with Jax and Tara. Nelly could feel Harry holding back if they were out with their friends, painfully aware of their company. Harry's best friend and his girl had been together for so long and had such a messed up relationship, that they hardly ever made out at the movies. But for Harry and Nelly, it was all brand new, and they lost themselves in the heat. It would always start innocently enough. They would hold hands, then Harry would pull her closer or she'd lean into him while his arms encircled her. On cool evenings, they'd cuddle under a blanket and, after a while, both would loose interest in the movie. Kisses would be exchanged, first small and accidental, then more persistent and drawn out. Hands would sneak under clothing, each touch begging for another. They would drive each other to the brink of their restraint, but no further. Somehow, whether by Nel shying away or Harry pulling back, they'd always manage to stop before they completely lost their heads. In a way, this teasing was agonising and cruel to Nel and Harry alike, but it was made bearable by sweet promise of things to come.

Harry told Nel often that since he returned to Charming, everything in his life was settling just the way he wished, and that he believed it was all because of her. It pleased her to no end that he thought so, because with every passing day, she was falling deeper in love with Harry. It seemed there was no end to this up-swing they were on. One Sunday afternoon in early March, about three months before his seventeenth birthday, Harry pulled Nel excitedly to the garage on the side of his house. Then he introduced her to an old beat-up bike, half taken apart, its parts lying on the tarp spread under it.

"An early birthday gift from my dad. I'm rebuilding it." He beamed proudly, as he caressed a rusted fender. "It'll be mine to ride when I'm done."  
>One step closer, thought Nelly with mixed feelings, but she couldn't help being happy for him. She knew how much having a bike meant to him, how he waited for it. And Piney didn't make it easy for his son – the bike seemed like an ancient wreck, but apparently, that was its appeal. Nelly spent a countless afternoons lounging in front of the garage in a beach chair with a book, while Harry worked on the bike skeleton and gave her frequent updates on the progress of his labour of love.<p>

Jax would come by sometimes to help Harry work on the bike. Nelly, while motionless and practically invisible, was not out of earshot and would often hear snippets of their conversations. Jax was becoming more serious about the club and about its purpose. Since his father's death, he became more entrenched in SAMCRO philosophy, became more of a protector and enforcer at school, like he was trying to prove something and honour his father's memory. Harry's mind was on Nel and his bike, and he didn't seem as committed, but Jax was still his brother and Harry did whatever he could to always have his back. Nelly was aware that the conflict between SOA boys and the Rednecks escalated. Sure, there was bad blood between them, made worse by what happened at the dance, but there were good reasons for it. The Rednecks were relentless in picking on Cliff and other weaker kids, in their brutal ways with the girls who wouldn't return their attention. As long as they saw what was happening, Jax and Harry would not stand by and let it happen. Inevitably, they got in trouble more often, because the shit-disturbers banked on their bad-boy biker reputation. More often than not, Jax and Harry ended up being blamed for starting the trouble, more so than being acknowledged for trying to intervene and prevent it. They were frequent guests in the Principal Rush's office, whose patience and tolerance met its end, and he would send the boys to a counsellor to discuss their "family issues at the root of their acting out". Nelly felt a strong sense of injustice at the blame her friends were getting for all the wrong reasons. Jax's and Harry's lives weren't simple or conventional, but that didn't turn them into bullies – if anything, whatever hardship they lived through, made them into better people. Principal Rush's misguided attention only fuelled their desire to become part of SAMCRO and to practice their own brand of justice.

+0+

It was the first day of spring and the school grounds had finally began coming up in lush green. Nelly and Harry were walking out of the school front door, with Jax and Tara right behind them. They were already making plans for the weekend, a hike at Folsom Lake, when they've noticed a gathering on a large roundabout in front of the school. Standing on top of the stairs, they had a good view of Cliff getting beaten up by Alex and Brett. It was bad enough that their friend was getting hurt again, but this clearly was a set up, bait for Harry and Jax. This time, the Rednecks had a large audience, which seemed to cheer on and encourage them. With only a fleeting glance between them, Harry and Jax ran down the steps and pushed their way through the gathered crowd, stepped into the circle where Cliffy was being played with like a mouse. Without exchanging a word, Nelly and Tara followed. They got there just in time to see Jax push Cliff in their direction and out of the centre of the fight.

"Get out of here, Cliffy," Jax told him, his voice tense but steady. He squared off against Alex, and Harry againt Brett.

This is when all of them saw Alex pull out a hunting knife. Nelly's heart froze, like it was immersed in a block of ice. Fear was constricting her lungs, making her breaths quick and shallow. She reached out to Cliff and pulled him by his arm, trying to get him out of the way, but he was undeterred and she let go.

"Just leave it alone, Jax," he pleaded, but didn't move away, "They'll get us all in trouble."

"It's our problem now," Jax said quickly, then added sharply, "Go."

Alex gave Jax a nasty smile as he twirled the knife in his hand, "Not so brave now, are you, Teller?"

"You should put away that knife before someone gets hurt."

"That's the idea, biker boy."

"Don't be a dumb-ass." Jax's eyes narrowed dangerously. "We can settle it with our fists."

David Hale stepped up to the front of the circle, "Listen to Teller, Alex. This is assault with a weapon and you'll end up in juvie."

"Mind your own business, Baby Hale," spat Alex without taking off his eyes from Jax.

Hale gave the Redneck a hard look, but backed down as he told them, "I'm calling the cops!"

"Enough of this bullshit," grunted Brett as he lunged at Harry. He was unarmed, but looked powerful and dangerous. His fists aimed at Harry's head, but Nel's boyfriend dodged the blow easily and instead attacked Brett from behind.

Taking advantage of the distraction, Alex launched at Jax with a knife. Just as the long, curved blade was making its way in Jax's direction, Cliffy stepped in front of it. The knife sunk into his chest. He staggered backwards into Jax, who caught him, and the two boys fell to their knees.

The silence was unbearable, as if a moment was frozen in time. Then everyone realised what happened. Girls started screaming, bodies pushed and pulled frantically as everyone tried to get out of the way, and the Rednecks ran. Nelly and Tara pushed their way against the retreating crowd to get to the boys. Shock froze them in place when they reached Jax and Cliff. The dark-haired boy's head and torso was resting in Jax's lap, as he cradled Cliff's thin frame. Nelly felt completely lost, unable to move, while Tara acted quickly. First aid training was paying off. She took Cliff out of Jax's hands and positioned him on the ground, then stripped off her jacket and folded it into a makeshift compress, pressing it around the knife still logged in Cliff's chest. Jax was dazed, blood covering his hands and the front of his t-shirt, but Harry had the presence of mind to get to Hale, frozen in mid-step, and shake him, "Get an ambulance, quick."

The blood was everywhere. Nelly knelt down helplessly next to Cliffy and reached for the knife, thinking how much it must hurt, wanting to pull it out.

"No!" Tara's voice was sharp, but barely controlled. "It'll make the bleeding worse."

So Nelly took Cliff's hand and held it, as dark puddle pooled around her knees, soaking her jeans. The boy struggled to breathe, blood bubbling on his lips.

"Shh, it's OK, don't talk. The ambulance will be here soon." Tara soothed, but Cliffy looked into Nelly's eyes as his lips moved. He was trying to tell her something.

Nel leaned down and heard him whisper, "Tell my mom I love her." Cliff held on to her hand for a few more moments, and then his grip slackened, his eyes drifted to the sky, and the bubbles on his lips grew still. Nelly watched Tara reached out to his neck, feeling for the pulse.

"He's gone," she whispered numbly.

It was all too much for Nelly. She felt her insides twist, her sobs spill forward, her pain not to be contained. She leaned over Cliffy and keened with grief. She felt strong arms surround her and lift her from the ground. Someone hugged her to his side and she was being walked away from Cliff's body. She recognized it was Harry's arms supporting her, his chest propping her up, and she held on to him as if afraid to drown. They sat together on the grass, a few feet away from where Tara and Jax were still kneeling by their friend's body. Nelly felt numb and detached. She felt Harry's solid presence next to her, his warm arm around her shoulders, but nothing else felt real.

They sat there in silence until police and the ambulance arrived. Jax had a hard time letting go of Cliff, but Tara's deft, insistent hands took his and moved him to the side, as the EMTs attended to their friend's body. Soon, Cliff's dad arrived in his patrol car, and they witness the grief of a father collapsing over his dead son. Chief Unser gave him a minute and then pulled him away with a couple of deputies, who were obviously his friends. Then the Chief proceeded to interviewed them all, while the other cops secured the crime scene, and the ambulance workers gave way to the coroner's van. There were only a few witnesses left at the scene and that group was small, consisting of the four of them and David Hale. Each told Chief Unser in turn what they saw and Hale confirmed that Jax and Harry didn't start the fight, that they tried to stop it. It was obvious that he wasn't doing it out of the goodness of his heart, but as his civic duty. Still, he was here, backing them up.

Then it was Jax's turn. "I told him to put away the knife, sir." He told the Chief, swallowing back his tears. "That's what the Sons do, we try to stop the trouble before it happens."

"I knew your father, Jax, he was a good man." The cop replied, as he laid a comforting hand on Jax's shoulder. "You did all you could, son."

Tara spoke with tears in her eyes, "You have to find the two bastards who killed Cliff. You know who they are."

"You can rest assured, Tara, that this is our top priority. Every cop in the county will be looking for them. They won't get far."

When the interviews were over, Jax sat on the curb next to Nelly and Harry, while Tara kept pacing in front of them. She lashed out at Jax, quiet rage in her voice. "So this is the toll it takes? Innocent people die, because you have to be some kind of hero?"  
>"I only did what any Son would do," Jax responded passionately, "I was trying to protect him!"<br>"And now he's dead. What good is your biker logic?"

"Why? Why would he do that?" Jax asked, as if he didn't hear Tara at all.

She reacted to his wallowing with hostility. "Because he was in love with you, you idiot!"

Jax looked like someone had slapped him. "I didn't know, Tara, I swear, I wouldn't have risked it..."

He got up slowly and reached out his hand to her, offering comfort, seeking it, but she pushed him away in anger.

"Don't touch me. I can't look at you right now."

She ran to her car and left them all stunned and speechless in the school parking lot. Harry pulled himself to his feet, and then helped Nelly get up. Nel put a comforting hand on Jax's arm, unsure what else to do. "She didn't mean that, Jax, you're not to blame."

"She's right." He said bitterly, then walked away to his Mustang and disappeared down the road.

Harry sighed and ran his hand through his hair in distress. Then he turned to Nelly and took her hand. "Come on, Nelly, let's get out of here."

"I don't want to go home." Nelly said, reacting on instinct, her brain numb and her mind foggy.  
>"You should at least change your clothes."<br>She looked down on her bloody pants, her stained t-shirt, as though seeing them for the first time. "Oh, god, you're right."

She got into the Harry's pick-up, and then remembered. "Cliffy asked me to deliver a message to his mom. I've got to tell her."

"Nelly, today is not the time. You'll do that later."  
>"No, I must tell her now."<p>

"No, Nelly. You can't." Harry repeated patiently, his eyes sad and concerned.

"I have to," She persisted frantically, "Harry, I promised."  
>That was when Harry took her by her shoulders and gave her a gentle shake, raised his voice as he spoke, "Nel, listen to me. You can't fix it, honey, you can't bring him back."<p>

Those words had finally drove home the heart-breaking reality. She collapsed into his chest, crying again, the sobs heaving her body while Harry held her close, "You'll tell her, just not today."

Harry felt as numb as Nelly was distressed. Never in his life did he expect this bickering between them and the Rednecks to get so out of hand. It was never meant to get this serious and fucked up. No one else was supposed to get hurt, most of all not someone innocent, who they meant to protect. No one was supposed to die. Harry swallowed hard while the reality hit him, clenching his stomach and knocking the wind out of him. Their friend was dead, and he couldn't help but think that it was somehow their fault. That it happened because of the stupid tit for tat they had going with Alex and his gang. That Jax and he had fuelled the fire. He knew Nelly loved him well enough not to think that way and be forgiving, but Tara's words rang in his ear as he held on to his sobbing girlfriend. Were he and Jax on a slippery slope? Would it only get steeper and more slippery once they got patched in as Sons? Harry hated the doubts that spread in his mind like roots of a weed, that made him question everything he believed in. He pushed them to the background, determined to face them one day, but now was not the time.

Now, he had to make sure Nelly got out of these bloody clothes, that she had a quiet place to put herself back together. Harry had no idea where Jax went, but he had to let Piney know what had happened and find out if there was anything SAMCROW could do to help set things right. _Nothing you do can set this right_, a persistent voice in his head whispered, but Harry shook it off as he turned on the ignition and headed for home.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26 – Wonderwall  
><strong>

Harry brought Nelly to his house, and lead her straight to the bathroom. He turned on a shower and let her get cleaned up, while he looked for some clothes that would fit her. A thorough search of his mother's old closet revealed a pair of tights and an old sweatshirt. He laid them on the sink through a crack in the door and then went looking for Piney.

His dad wasn't at home and he wasn't at the club when Harry called. Then Harry dialled the Tellers and was glad to hear Jax's voice on the line.

"I told my mom. She told Clay," Jax said quietly, "Your dad is out there with him and the others, looking for those fucking Rednecks. I'd be out there with them if my mother wasn't watching me like a hawk."

Harry didn't reply. He had his misgivings about wisdom of revenge and it chilled his blood to hear Jax talk about it, the way his best friend spoke like a seasoned Son.  
>"What? You don't approve?" Jax's temper flared up, but then his tone turned sombre, almost pleading, "Cliff died saving <em>my<em> life. Mine. You have no idea what kind of weight it puts on me. Retaliation is the only way, Opie."

"It's vigilante justice."

"If you haven't noticed, SAMCRO is an outlaw biker gang. That's what we do." There was a long pause, then Jax added. "What do you think will happen when the cops find them? Those assholes will plead self-defence, or some other bullshit, and will get off with a juvie record and probation. I just hope SAMCRO will get to them first."

Deep down, Harry knew Jax was right. Hell, wasn't he looking for Pops for the same reasons?

Harry decided to switch tracks. In the end, this was why he called, "How are you doing, brother?"

He heard a long intake of breath, and then a drawn out sigh. "Better, now that something is being done."

"Are you gonna be at the garage tomorrow?" It was Friday night, the weekend was coming and their Saturday shift as grease monkeys.

"Where else? I've got to get my mind off things." Jax sighed again, "I think Folsom Lake is out."

"Yeah. I'm sorry." Harry remembered Tara's anger and felt lucky to have Nelly. They all dealt with what happened differently, and he thought he should say something to Jax. "Listen, bro, Tara wanted someone to blame for what happened, and you were the closest punching bag. You know she cares about you."

"I'm not so sure about that anymore, but thanks for trying."

"Yeah... I'll see you tomorrow. And listen, let me know if you get a word."

"For sure."

As Harry put the phone receiver back in its cradle, he heard the shower being shut off. He could think of one sure way to make Nelly feel better, so he went to the kitchen and made a pot of hot, sweet tea.

A mug of it was ready and steaming by the time she walked out of the bathroom. Her hair was curling out of control in long, moist springs, and she was wearing his mother's oversized old clothes, but she was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

Nel gravitated towards him and Harry hugged her tightly to his chest.

"Thank you, Harry." She whispered against him, as he rested his lips on top of her head.

"Come on, sugar, I made you tea. Just the way you like it, hot and sweet. Like me." He was glad to coax a small smile out of her.

"My sweet, big guy." She kissed his lips softly as the smile disappeared, and then sat down at the kitchen table and wrapped her hands round the steaming mug. Harry could tell by the way she closed her eyes as the mug warmed her hands that she took comfort in this simple, little thing. He sat down next to her and watched her relax, while she sipped the hot liquid.

Harry continued, "I called Jax. He got home okay."

Nelly nodded relieved, but her mind seemed to be elsewhere. She stared into the cup, preoccupied with thoughts in her head.

They sat quietly at the table for a long moment, while Harry wrestled with a decision. Should he tell her or not? Any way he turned it, he still came to the same conclusion. He wanted to be honest with her, so he told her, "Sons are looking for Alex and Brett."

Nelly considered it thoughtfully, then asked, "What will happen if they'll find them?"

"Revenge."

Shock was clear on her face, "You mean they won't take them to the cops? It'll be eye for an eye?"

Harry just nodded. Dread started coiling in the pit of his stomach. It dawned on him that this, right here, could pushed her away from him, that it could be the price to pay for being a Son's son. And he was not willing to give her up, but he wasn't going to lie to her either.

"Do you think that's the way it should be?" Nelly asked.

"That's the SAMCRO way. We try to protect our loved ones, but if we can't, we make things right."

Nel sat there stunned, her eyes far away. Then she said quietly, Harry felt more to herself than to him, "This is why I tried to stay away... I was afraid of it all along... That someone I care about would get hurt or worse... It happened, because I was expecting it, because everyone told me it would. It's like some kind of horrible, self-fulfilling prophecy."

"Nel, don't think that Cliff died because of your choices. Because you and I are together," Harry pleaded.

Her teary eyes turned to his and the pain they contained was breaking his heart, "I just don't want you to be next. I don't want one day to get the call that something happened to you, Harry."

"It won't be me." He promised her, as he smoothed away curls from her face. But could he really make that promise?

Nelly hardly payed attention to what he said, her words gushing out, as if whatever dam controlling them was broken, "It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from. I can still smell his blood, see Cliffy's face... He didn't deserve to die, Harry... I know revenge is wrong, that it will only make things worse and won't bring him back, but I want Alex to suffer for what he's done, I want him to feel the fear and a cold blade."

Nel covered her mouth with her hand, as if trying to stop the unchecked flow, while her eyes teared up. She whispered, "I don't even know where this came from..."

"Nel, it's okay..." Harry tried to soothe her, rubbing her shoulders with his hands, but she just continued.

"It comforts me to know that the MC is hunting them down, that those animals won't go unpunished. I should feel awful for thinking this way, but I don't." Nel burst into sobs again, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and he embraced her hungrily. She whispered, "I'm so grateful I have you, Harry. So grateful you're in my life."

The dread ebbed away as suddenly as it seized Harry. He'd never seen that side of his quiet, gentle girlfriend, but at heart, Nel and his SAMCRO family were more alike than he realised. And he was grateful for _that_. The idea took hold of him, and he just blurted it out, "Nelly, stay here tonight."

She pulled away to give him a sharp look and he rushed to explain, "I just don't want you to go through this alone. Cliff meant a lot to you."

It was still quite early, not even nine in the evening, but they were both exhausted and in a silent agreement headed to Harry's bedroom. They laid down as they were, in their clothes, and only bothered to pull a blanket over themselves. They were facing each other, their hands intertwined and resting on the pillow between them. There was nothing but the dark and the soft whoosh of their breaths.

Nel whispered, "Will you and Jax..."

She wouldn't finish, but Harry knew what she meant to ask. They could talk about it all they wanted, but that's all it was, talk. "No. Even if we wanted to. My dad and Clay wouldn't let us. Jax's mother would skin us alive."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay." and soon drifted off.

Harry hardly slept, his mind too busy to rest. Nel's sleep was restless. She'd toss and turn, and every time she'd wake, she would reach out to Harry's solid warmth next to her and curl around him. He'd shift and pull her closer, and she'd fall asleep again. Every time, Nelly could count on his comforting presence and his strong arms around her, and being there for her gave Harry peace.

The boys spent Saturday at the Teller-Morrow garage, while Nelly tidied up the Winston's house, and then went to her babysitting job. She couldn't very well get out of it, and she definitely needed to do something positive and productive. Nel thought of going to see Tara, knowing well it was her turn to shake up her friend, to talk some sense into her. She owed Tara – and Jax - that much. But she couldn't face it. Just not yet. And Nel convinced herself that Tara too needed more time to deal with what they've lived through.

On Sunday morning, Nelly got a call from Harry at her aunt's house. Jax just called him. Chief Unser was at the Tellers', he had something to tell them and asked they all meet him there. They decided to swing by Tara's house on the way and pick her up. Harry stayed in the truck while Nel went to get her. Tara took time getting to the door, and when she did, she wasn't willing to come.

Nel tried to reason with her, "Tara, we've all been through a lot. Jax is a mess, the guilt is eating him up. At least come with us, hear what Chief Unser has to say." To her surprise Tara did not retaliate, only listened. So encouraged, Nel continued, "Don't be mad at Jax, but at those damn Rednecks who killed Cliff. They are the problem, not the club or Jax or what he believes in."

"I told him to lay off, I told him it will end badly," Tara replied with tears in her eyes. "I can't believe I was right."

Nelly pulled her into a long hug while Tara wept on her shoulder. She whispered to her dark-haired friend, "Sometimes bad things happen without a reason. It's just the way life is, Tara."

"I'm sorry, Nelly." Tara cried, "I just don't know how to handle this."  
>"We're all hurting," Nel soothed, still holding her friend. "It's still not too late, you can be there for Jax. He's going to need you."<p>

"OK. I'm coming." Tara whispered into her hair, then broke away and headed for Harry's truck.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27 – Tears in Heaven**

When they arrived at the Tellers house, the front door was unlocked and, as they've always done, they came in without knocking. Nelly followed Harry's lead as she held his hand, and they could already hear voices in the back of the house.

"Jax, now I need to know if you had anything to do with this," said Chief Unser, "Not to prosecute you, but so I can protect you."

"No, he was here the whole night. I made sure, Wayne."

Within seconds, they've reached Jax, his mother, and the cop - all standing in the kitchen – and interrupted the conversation.

"What's going on?" asked Harry, his forehead creased dangerously.

"Alex and Brett were found shot in the heads, execution style, in the woods." Chief reported, "I wanted to tell you in person. It's over."

Nelly felt overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions. Knowing that justice had been served didn't make her loss any lighter, it didn't suddenly lift that weight she's been carrying, but somewhere in the depths of her soul she felt more at peace. She heard Harry's relieved sight and felt his body relax next to her.

Tara asked Jax hopefully, "Tell me that you weren't involved? Please tell me the truth."  
>He walked up to her and took her hands in his, looked her in the eye as he said, "I didn't do it, Tara."<p>

She embraced him gratefully, sobbing, and he returned the embrace, while they all watched in silence. It didn't even occur to Nelly that Harry could have done it. She knew he didn't. She slept in his bed and remembered him being next to her all night. Nel didn't care how it happened, just that it was done and that it was over.

"Well, my job is done here." Chief Unser sighed heavily and after exchanging a somber glance with Gemma, left.

"It's over." Jax's mum said with finality as she looked each of them in the eye. Then, completely switching tracks, as if forcing them to move on with their lives, she added with a determined cheerfulness, "You kids must be starving. Let me fix you up some breakfast. Who knows how to work a toaster?"

Rich food and hot coffee did their magic, and not quite an hour later, having just finished a meal they all pitched in to prepare, Nel felt a bit more normal, a bit more like herself. Suddenly, the heartache and the tears of the last two days seemed very far away. Count your blessings, the saying goes, and Nelly's were the relaxed faces of her friends around the table.

+0+

It didn't take long for Principal Rush to organise a memorial for Cliff. It was obvious that the teachers were scrambling to make the best of the horrific situation and this was a well-intended, knee-jerk reaction. Cliff was being raised on a pedestal, while no one would even mention the bastards responsible for his death. Rush called in Nelly to his office and shared the idea of a gathering in the gym planned for the next day. Mrs and Mr Calico, Cliff's parents, were invited as guests of honour and he wanted to make it special and personal. Since she was Cliff's closest friend, Nel would be the best person in the student body to say a few things about their departed friend, he told her. She was made speechless by the sheer stupidity of the idea. It's not like Cliffy was a captain of the football team, or a beloved cheerleader. Most people in Kennedy High didn't even know he existed. Still, Nel agreed quickly, because she couldn't let down her friend and Rush was right, no one else could do this.

The ideas about what to say about Cliffy had started tumbling in Nelly's head as soon as she walked out of Rush's office. She spent the rest of the day making notes in the back of her notebook, and then spent the evening rewriting them. Her friends, and especially Harry, thought it was a very bad idea. Jax was so pissed off, he refused to attend, as did Tara, but Harry was probably the most vocal in trying to persuade her. Nel knew he had good intentions, not wanting her to go through the pain again, but she could see it in his eyes as she explained why she had to do it, that he understood.

The next day, gym was packed to the brim with students and staff, filled with murmurs of conversations and scent of flowers. There was even a cameraman and a female reporter from a San Diego news channel. Their attention was focused on on Cliff's mom and dad, who sat in the front row, looking lost and dejected.

Everyone in the seats was holding pastel coloured tulips, apparently a symbol of a young life snuffed out too soon. It was exactly as Nel imagined, down to every last revolting detail. This circus was the very reason she decided to speak today. To speak out, to speak her mind. Nel waited on the sidelines with Harry until Principal Rush walked her out to the center of the gym floor and a mic stand adorned with more tulips.

Rush sombrely welcomed Cliff's parents to the school, expressed his deepest and most drawn out condolences, but said nothing about how the school and its teachers failed the boy who died. He then introduced Nelly and turned the mic over to her.

At first, the hundreds of faces waited unexpectedly for Nelly to say something scared the living daylights out of her. Her throat dried up instantly and her hands got clammy. She was ready to bolt, to run and hide, but then her eyes connected with Harry's and he gave her one encouraging nod. Nel couldn't fall silent now.

She cleared her throat, and started, "Today, we gather to I mourn the loss of my friend Cliff Calico. Unlike most of you here, I've been doing that since the moment he left us. He was a sweet guy, gentle and kind, and so brilliant. For all these reasons he didn't have an easy life here in Kennedy High. I remember walking with him the first day of school last September, and hardly any of you even noticed his existed. Only bullies did. Bullies like Alex and Brett." Nel searched the faces in the crowd, hoping to find one genuine tear, and only found them in the eyes of her friends' mother. This gave her the push to continue, "But today, all of you here, everyone who shunned and ignored him, have come with tears in your eyes and flowers in your hands. How many of you knew the boy you're mourning today? How many of you knew him well enough to know what you've lost? That he wanted to work for NASA? Or that he loved strawberry ice cream? Where were you when he got picked on by the animal who killed him?" Nelly's tears were threatening to burst forward, while the auditorium was deathly quiet. She saw Harry in the front, his eyes narrow and intent, but shining proudly. She would finish what she started. "So wipe away your crocodile tears. Cliffy doesn't need them. He had few friends here, but those of us who cared for him, loved him well. We will miss him, so much."

Her voice broke and Nel had to stop. She kept her head low as she headed for the gym's exit, where Harry met her. He took her hand and said, "You did great." She smiled weakly, holding back tears. The heavy gym door clung behind them, but soon someone followed, called Nel by name. It was Mrs Calico, Cliff's mom. Nelly has met her in passing a few times, but never exchanged more than a few casual words with the woman. But her dark hair and the bright eyes reminded Nel so much of Cliff.

"Thank you, Nelly," She said as she neared them, "You still are a true friend to my boy.""

"I'm sorry if it wasn't appropriate." Nel suddenly worried she overstepped some invisible boundary of good taste.

"What you said was true." The older woman's eyes watered, and she dabbed at them with a tissue. She turned her to Harry, "You must be Harry."

The towering boy just nodded silently.

"Cliffy talked about you often. You both and Jackson. He thought the world of you all."

Nel remembered what a wreck Jax was because of Cliff's death. "Jax couldn't be here today, he's taking it pretty hard. Feels guilty."

"Please, tell him it wasn't his fault," she assured them intensely, "I know you all did everything you could to protect Cliffy."

"Not enough," whispered Harry.

"More than most," she replied quickly, "He could only count on you. Even me and his dad couldn't do more..."

It was time. Time to deliver Cliffy's last message to his mom, "Mrs Calico, I was with Cliffy after he got stabbed. He said, tell my mom I love her. These were his last words."

Their friend's mom blindly reached out to the wall and collapsed against it with a sob. Nel felt terrible for making this happen, but she had to tell her. This was Cliff's last wish. She reached out to Mrs. Calico, touched her arm trying to comfort her. Cliff's mom leaned into Nelly and hugged her tight. They stood like this, the older woman's tears wetting Nel's shoulder, until she calmed down and pulled away, "Thank you, Nelly. For everything. Make sure your friend Jax knows he did no wrong." And with that, she returned to the gym.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28 – Trouble Me**

Nelly and the rest of her foursome were already social outcasts, but now they've become the untouchables, treated by the rest of the school as if they've suddenly developed pox or became lepers. Kids would point and whisper as they passed them in the hallways, and everyone steered clear of their little corner of the lunchroom. Even the teachers were giving Nelly a cold shoulder. She came to a conclusion that she was more comfortable being ignored, still it never made her regret speaking out at the memorial. The people she cared about were still her friends, and she couldn't care less about everyone else. Nel just grit her teeth and grasped Harry's hand a little tighter as they walked between classes, and was glad that the school year would be out in three months. Twelve long weeks. It seemed like forever, and even if she'd have to work through the entire summer, she'd still take it gladly over pointing and whispers. There were times when an insane wish took hold of her, to be back in her old school with Donna, but all Nel needed was one of Harry's beaming smiles and life made sense again.

As to Donna, she didn't call again, but Nelly still missed her fiercely. So much, that Nel decided to call her and find out what was new with her oldest, best friend. Loosing Cliff just reminded Nelly how precious the few friends she had were. She didn't want to loose Donna completely. Nel dialled the number and was relieved to hear the girl's voice on the other end.

"Oh, Donna, thank God it's you." Nel said breathlessly.

"Hi Nel," Donna's voice was guarded, and Nel's heart fell.

"How have you been? Is everything OK? "

"No, nothing is OK, not since that stupid dance, Nel. Everything is totally crappy. I haven't seen you in weeks!" Her friend whispered hotly, and Nelly breathed a sigh of relief, "I hate this distance between us, but my parents are so stubborn."

"Maybe I could come over and explain, talk to them. Do you think they'd listen?"

Donna must have been considering Nel's suggestion, then said, "Maybe it's worth a try. What's the worst that can happen..?"  
>"Yeah, can't get much worse than this," agreed Nelly with a crooked smile.<p>

"Let me work on them, Nel. It might take a few days, but I think there's hope!" Donna's voice squeaked excitedly. "I would love to get back to our weekends together. I've missed you so much, Nelly."

Nel thought of how she spent here weekends in Donna's absence, about babysitting jobs and staying at the Winston's. "I have so much to tell you, Donna, so much has happened. It'll take us hours to catch up when we meet."

"I'm dying to hear all about it! But tell me the most important stuff now."  
>"Remember my friend, Cliff, the goth kid I met the first day at Kennedy?"<br>"The little genius?"

"Yeah. Well, he died." It's been weeks, but Nelly still had to hold back tears before she continued, "He was killed, stabbed by one of the guys who harassed us at the dance."

"Oh my God, that's terrible."  
>"It was terrible." Nel just couldn't bring herself to share the details. "He was really special and I miss him."<p>

"I'm so sorry, Nel." There was a brief silence, and then Donna asked, "How about the biker kids? You're still friends with them?"  
>"Yes." Nelly couldn't help smiling, "Remember Harry, the big guy? You asked me to tell you if anything changed between me and him. Well, he's my boyfriend, since Christmas."<p>

Donna's reaction was hard to gauge, but when she spoke, she didn't sound excited, "That's good, if that's what you want. What's he like?"  
>"He is amazing," gushed Nelly, ignoring her friend lukewarm response, "so considerate and sweet, gentle and protective, and we can talk about anything. He's everything I could ever wish for. "<p>

"Sounds like a regular prince charming."

"As close as it can get in real life." She couldn't help admitting, "I love him so much, Donna."

"I'm happy for you, Nel, you deserve the best," said Donna earnestly, and Nel was sure she meant it.

"How about you? Is there someone you like?"  
>"Even if I do, my family is very good at chasing them away. I'm loosing hope, Nel."<p>

"Be patient. I'll be worth it. And when you find him, I hope he's just like Harry."

"If you say so," giggled Donna, and then abruptly all the sound stopped, then her voice returned, quick and urgent, "Crap, Nel, my mom is back from shopping, I better run. I'll call you once my parents are ready. I can't wait to see you!" And with that, she was gone. Nelly smiled, hoping that soon they would start mending bridges.

+0+

Even with brief spots of hope and sunshine, it was a long and difficult spring, as bad as the winter and in drastic contrast to their careless fall. Nel and the others tried to convince Jax that Cliff's death wasn't his fault, but it was as if their words bounced off of him like rubber balls. After his dad's death and everything that happened, Jax had shut himself away to grieve, only allowing Tara in. After all the heartache they've caused each other, she was still the only person he let inside. It was unhealthy, like a bad habit or an addiction, but Nel figured that's what desperate love was like. Instead of hanging out with each other, they all were spending most of their free time working. Nelly was getting more babysitting referrals, but whenever she wasn't working, she spent that time with Harry. The boys were at the garage every day and Tara doubled up on her volunteering at the hospital. By accident or design, they didn't have a lot of time together as a foursome, and in the weeks that followed Cliffy's death, life had changed them. The innocence of their youth had been shattered by random violence in their lives. With a sense of real loss and renewed grief, Nelly realized that instead of bringing them together, it was slowly tearing them apart. But Harry was always there. He was her one and only constant.

Inevitably, with Harry, came SAMCRO family. Nelly had become a fixture in life of the Winstons. Piney practically treated her like his own kid, and both father and son insisted that Nelly join them for Gemma's dinners. Jax's mother always welcomed her warmly and eagerly, she seemed to like her, and Nel felt lucky to be in her good graces. It seemed whatever force was guiding Nel's fate, had brought her and Harry together at a good time. Aunt Linda and Simon were fighting more often then not, and Troy was in the wind, running illegal errands for the Nords. The Winstons and their house had become a heaven she didn't expect, but was so grateful to have.

+0+

But the Winstons had their own problems. Mary would make frequent surprise visits, under the pretence of collecting alimony payments, but mainly to push Piney's buttons. Most times, Harry and Nel would manage to avoid her entirely. Piney wasn't nearly as lucky. On a Saturday evening in late April, Nelly and Harry arrived at the Winston's house to find Mary's car in the driveway. They were stopping there briefly so Harry could shower and change after a day in the garage and before they joined everyone at Gemma's for dinner.

Harry's reaction was instant, "Shit. Do you think you can stand being around her while I get ready? Promise I'll be quick."

"Yeah, piece of cake." Nelly replied confidently, but her stomach clenched with anxiety. Her last conversation with Mary was over the phone and it didn't go very well. Clearly, Harry's mother didn't like her, and the feeling was mutual.

Mary was sitting at the kitchen table and gave them an icy look as they walked in, "Well, look what the cat dragged in."

"Nice to see you too, mother." Harry said through clenched teeth and with a quick look at Nelly, and finding reassurance, he headed for the bathroom.

While Harry washed and changed, Nelly put away groceries they picked up for Piney. She could feel Mary's eyes studying her, but tried to ignore it. After a few moments of silence, Mary said in a voice dripping with malice, "So, you're the famous Nelly. How did he dazzle you, that ungrateful thug..? With his daddy's bike?"

Nelly paused and turned to the woman, confused and insulted on Harry's behalf. "Harry's not a thug." Why would his mother say something so terrible about him?

"He'll grow up to be another biker with a chip on his shoulder and a taste for women, just like his father. You should get the hell away while you still can."

At that moment Harry returned. "Leave her alone, mother. Nelly doesn't have to listen to your bullshit."

"Oh, she better listen, listen and learn, so she doesn't end up like me. With a gangster for a husband and a bully for a son."

Nelly's fury had risen to the surface. Through the months she had known Harry and his dad, they showed her more kindness than her own father. "If you think Harry is a bully, then you obviously don't know your son." She took a step forward, her face flushed with anger, "Harry's got so much good in him. He may be big, but he doesn't use it against others. He protects the weak, he's kind, and he's learned it from his dad. You should be proud of your son and thankful he's nothing like you."

For a moment, both mother and son were speechless, each for different reasons. Harry looked at Nelly with a mix of surprise and affection in his eyes. Mary just stared in shock, then said, "You are one sassy girl. But who else would want him?"

Nelly's anger turned into cold rage. She turned to her boyfriend, "You're right, Harry. She's horrible."

"Oh, am I now?" Mary mocked them, with a sour smile. "Just wait a few years. You'll cry bitter tears and understand why I'm so horrible."

"Come on, Nelly." Harry put his arm firmly around Nelly's shoulder and lead her to the door as the girl was about to respond. "It's not worth it."

+0+

They got into his pick-up and Harry put the keys in the ignition, but didn't start the car. He just sat there quietly, staring ahead. Nelly noticed tears forming in his eyes as Harry whispered, "Why does she hate me so much?"

"I know she's your mother, but that woman is a nasty piece of work," said Nelly, unable to keep the venom out of her voice, "You didn't deserve that."

Harry leaned his head on his arms resting on the steering wheel and a silent sob shook his body.

Nelly's eyes clouded with tears as she watched her boyfriend's pain, "Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry."

She had never seen him so devastated. All Nelly wanted to do was take away his pain, make it her own, do anything so he'd stop hurting. She slid over to him on the car bench and put her arms over his shaking shoulders, her hand smoothing his short hair, "Don't listen to her, Harry. I know you, and you're a good, decent person."

He turned to Nelly, his face streaked with tears, guilt and shame clear in his eyes, "Maybe I am, but even if I'm not, isn't she supposed to love me anyway? The good and the bad?"

I'm the wrong person to ask, Nelly thought darkly, but this pain of his wrecked her heart and all she said was, "Yes, she should. It's her loss that she doesn't."

As Harry sat back, she watched his face harden. He rubbed away the tears angrily, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have unglued like this." His hand reached for the keys in the ignition, but Nel stopped it mid-air.

"Harry..." She whispered, leaned over and kissed his lips softly, tasted the salt of his heartache. At first he resisted, but soon he surrendered to Nelly and pulled her into his lap, his lip parting and allowing her in. By the time they broke the kiss, they were both breathless, their foreheads resting against each other.

"My sweet, big guy," Nel's hand caressed his face, "I hope you know that I love you."

"I know." He smiled as he gave a happy sigh, "Then I'm very lucky."

"No, I'm the lucky one." Nel said and kissed him again.

+0+

The drive to the Tellers didn't take long. They walked into a house full of fragrant smells of barbeque. Sounds of animated conversations and laughter welcomed Harry and Nel as they entered the dinning room. Steaming dishes brimming with food were just set on the table.

"Well, look who finally decided to show up!" Gemma called over from the head of the table. It was her birthday and she was donning a glittery plastic crown.

"I can imagine why they're late," Tig shouted from the back end and most people, already well into the drink, roared with laughter.

"If you imagined my mother, then you'd be right." Harry called back, unabashed, and Piney gave him a sharp look. "She'll be waiting for you, Pops."

"Forget her, Piney," Gemma laid a hand on Piney's arm, "The Birthday Queen commands you to enjoy the party."

"Hear, hear..." Mr. Winston replied and poured two fingers of scotch down his throat.

"Come on, kids, squeeze in next to Jax and Tara, as far away as possible from Tiggy here. He's been naughty and can't be trusted around pretty girls."

"Oh, no worries, we can handle Tiggy," Jax said while he exchanged a wink with Harry, "Wouldn't let any harm come to our girls."

"He'd have to go through me first." Harry gave Tig a menacing look, while Tig shook his fist in reply, and then both burst out laughing.

"Stop showing off and sit down." Gemma said, "Everyone, dig in. Dinner's getting cold."

Harry and Nel heaped food on each other's plates and then chatted with people around them while filling up. As on all her previous visits to club dinners, Nel was struck with a sense of warmth and well-being while in the company of Sons and their families. She turned to Harry and inclined her lips to his ear. She said over the ding of the conversations around them, "This is your family, Harry. And there's plenty of love here."

His eyes smiled at Nel. Harry gave her a brief, soft kiss on the lips and said, "You're here, that's all that matters."


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29 - Live to Tell**

That get-together for Gemma's birthday, or maybe all the things Nel said to Harry in the truck, seemed to have made a difference. Harry relaxed a bit, smiled more often, worked on his bike with renewed energy. It seems like the perpetual veil of sadness that covered them since John Teller's death had finally lifted off of them all. Nel was hoping to hear from Donna soon. She hasn't yet, but she kept reminding herself to be patient. She felt certain Donna would come through, and her friend did warn her that it might take some time before her parents were convinced. Even Jax and Tara stopped fighting, and the four of them started planning their weekends together again. Nel returned to aunt Linda's house, happy to be back.

It was a warm Saturday in early May, made rare by the fact that Nelly didn't have to work that day. She was packing up for an afternoon at the beach with Tara, when she heard Simon come home and then the raised voices in the kitchen. Simon must have been drunk out of his mind and pissed off, and taking it out on her aunt. He was accusing her of cheating on him with Chibs, which Linda denied it vehemently. Nel had never seen the charming young biker around her aunt, but Simon was rarely reasonable or coherent.

It was clear that he was hitting her aunt every time he heard an answer he didn't like. Nelly was afraid, but couldn't let it go on and stepped out of her room to intervene. She saw Linda collapsed in a heap against the kitchen cupboards and crying, her face was beaten and bloody. Simon's heavy foot swiftly connected with Linda's torso, and Nelly yelled horrified, "Stop it!"

Simon turned away from her and moved towards Nelly, backed her into a wall. The smell liquor on his breath, and his wild, blood-shot eyes were a clear indication that he was out of his mind with drink.

"And you, princess, have been teasing me for weeks, in your skin-tight jeans and see-through shirts that barely cover your tits." Simon was getting dangerously close to her, cornering her. "Why did I bother with this old hag, when I had fresh meat right under my nose all along." He said, as he reached for her breast and squeezed hard.

She pushed his hand away, "Don't touch me." The man slapped Nelly swiftly across the face. She tasted blood, lost her balance and fell to the ground.

Linda called out feebly for Simon to leave Nelly alone, but he ignored her and was on top of Nelly in a moment, tearing open her shirt, while his hips pushed her down. Then with one quick movement, he grabbed both of Nelly's wrists with one hand and pulled them high above her head. His other hand unzipped her jeans and pushed its way into her panties. She felt his fingers explore roughly, while she kicked and tried to get free. He retracted his hand from her pants and slapped the girl again, this time clouding her vision. The cold fear and the dark knowledge that there was nothing she could do seized Nelly. At that moment, she saw her aunt heave a frying pan over Simon's head and slam it down hard.

He stopped dazed, and before he had time to react Linda hit him again, and again, and again. This time his eyes fluttered, disoriented, and Nelly took the advantage of the moment, pushed him off. She reached out for Linda, but her aunt was too weak. "Go Nelly, get out of here."

"He'll kill you!" Nelly was so afraid.

"Just go! Run!" Linda pushed her out with the last of her strength. Nelly ran out the front door of the house. The hot, abrasive concrete under her bare feet made her move faster. She could feel her face swelling up where the numbness was turning into stinging pain. Nel pulled her ripped blouse together, crossing her arms protectively around herself. Not knowing where to turn, she moved in the direction of the corner convenience store and more people. Once she'd get there, she'd call someone. As she was nearing it, Tara's car swung around the corner and stopped with screeching of breaks by her side. She called through the open window, "Nelly, what the hell...?"

Nel felt overwhelmed with shock and relief, and all she could respond with was sobbing. She managed to get the words out, "It was Simon, he beat my aunt and then..."

Suddenly, they saw Simon barrelling down the street, yelling incoherently.

"Oh my God, Nel... Quick, get in the car." Tara pulled her into the front seat, and then took off at top speed, rushing past Simon, almost clipping him.

"Tara, we can't leave my aunt behind... I don't know what he'll do to her!"

"What do you think he'd do to us? No way, let me get you somewhere safe, and then we'll get help for your aunt."

Every fibre in Nel's being fought against that idea, but the primal part of her brain, the bit fighting for her self-preservation, agreed with Tara's reasoning. It was the only thing to do.

"Nel, what the hell happened? Did he... you know...?" Tara asked, her voice gentle, her eyes disturbed.

"He tried, got close." Nelly couldn't say more. She could still feel pressure of Simon's cruel hands lingering on her body.

"Oh my God, what are we going to do? Maybe we should go to Chief Unser?"

Nel shook her head. "No. SAMCRO will take care of this, like they did with Cliffy."

Tara looked at her, surprised. "Are you sure? This is one of their own we're talking about, Nel."

It made Nelly hesitate. She didn't consider it, but all of her instincts insisted this was the right decision. "Trust me, Tara, it's better that way."

Her friend pressed the car harder as she said, "I'm taking you to Mrs. Teller. She'll know what to do."

+0+

Nelly sat at Mrs. Teller's dinning room table, bruised and ashamed, while Gemma applied cold compress to her battered face with one hand and smoothed her hair with the other. The girl gave into her motherly care gratefully and was soothed by the attention. Still, the fear she felt was raw and barely under the surface.

"Nelly, you've got to tell Clay about what happened. The Sons have to know. They are the only ones who can stop Simon from doing that to you again."

Nelly shook her head, determined. "No, Mrs. Teller. If I rat, he'll hurt my aunt again, probably me too."

"He'll do that and more if you won't tell, honey." Gemma's voice was serious, intent. "Clay has to know. The Sons will make sure justice is done, Nelly. They won't let you down, I promise."

Nelly looked into Gemma's earnest eyes and believed her.

"Fine. But not Harry, not Jax."  
>"We've got to tell them the truth, Nelly. They'd find out anyway." Tara said and got a nod of agreement from Gemma.<p>

Nelly's eyes watered and her breath caught. "I don't want to create all this drama. I don't want Harry and Jax to do something stupid and get hurt."

"You know, there's nothing we can do to stop them from getting stupid ideas," Gemma smiled at her a little and Nelly echoed her smile through tears. "But whether you like it or not, Harry has every right to be pissed off and want to defend you. Tara's right. They'll find out one way or another. Better if they'll hear it from us. "

"OK." Nelly relented after a moment, knowing the two women were right.

"I'll go make the call." Said Gemma, and with last comforting pat on Nelly's bruised face, left the girls at the table.

Clay was away on a business run, so Bobby showed up in Gemma's kitchen to deal with the situation. "What's going on, Gemma? You said it was an emergency."

"Simon had beaten up Linda pretty bad, and he attacked Nelly. She said he would have raped her if Linda didn't smash his head with a pan. I called Unser and he got an ambulance and a patrol car to Linda's. She's already at St. Thomas. Stable, but with a concussion and some internal damage. No sign of Simon."

Bobby swore under his breath and made his way to the two girls at the table. He stopped a couple of paces away from Nelly, taking in her cut lip, her bruised cheekbone. He had to hear it for himself, and asked her kindly, "Who did this to you, sweetheart?"

Nelly hesitated, but she saw Gemma give her an encouraging nod, so she continued. "It was my aunt Linda's boyfriend, Simon."

"Simon? Simon Says Moriarty?" Bobby asked grimly. Nelly just nodded. Bobby turned to Tara, "What happen?"

"By the time I got there she was staggering barefoot down the street with Simon on her tail. Good thing I got there when I did. He looked like he was ready to kill her." Tara's eyes were scared as she held Nelly's hand.

"Has he tried anything like that before?"

"He hit my aunt before, but not me. This came out of the blue." Nelly shook her head. She didn't care to understand.

Bobby looked at the two girls, shaken and anxious, and said in a slow, reassuring way. "Ok, we'll take care of this," then lead Gemma back to the kitchen and out of the girls' earshot. "For fuck's sake, Simon Says? His drinking must be getting out of hand. Clay will have a fit."

"You think?" She was well aware how much Clay relied on Simon for the ugly side of the SAMCRO's business. "You can't let Simon get away with it. If you let him loose, he'll do it to Linda again and worse, kick the shit out of Nelly too. You know what a brutal prick he is."

Bobby nodded. "I'll talk to Clay as soon as he gets back. I have a feeling we'll need a vote on Simon."

"Make sure it goes the way it should. She is Opie's girl, Jax's friend. Piney treats her like his own. The boys will be pissed. If you won't do anything, they might." Gemma gave him a level look. "Where's Simon now?"

"Fuck knows. In the wind."

"Make sure you find him before he finds Nelly or Linda. In the meantime, I'll take the girl to the clubhouse."

"I'll leave a couple of guys at the club and at the hospital. They'll keep the women safe in case Simon shows up. One way or another, we'll deal with him."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30 – Shelter**

It was past five in the afternoon by the time Gemma's Caddie crossed the gates of SAMCRO compound. Nelly was in the back seat next to Tara, she had her hair tied and her face cleaned up, and was wearing one of Gemma's t-shirts. They pulled in by the clubhouse, next to two bikes, and glimpsed Jax and Harry working in the garage. Nelly's been to the compound on countless occasions, but has only been inside once. For John Teller's wake. The club was contained in a big building adjacent to their automotive business, a massive concrete brick with a big black door. The forefront of the club was a dark bar, rank with the stink of cigarette smoke and stale booze. As soon as Nel walked through the front door, she saw two Sons by the bar, a prospect and Chibs. He gave Nelly a small, reassuring smile, but she looked away, the sight of a man in kutte making her skin crawl.

Gemma quickly ushered Nel to one of the rooms in the back, then disappeared to talk to Clay, while Tara went to get the guys. Nelly looked around the worn-out, dim room, so lacking in comforts. It had a double bed and a small bathroom, a TV and a VCR. Still, it was her shelter for tonight.

As much as Nelly didn't want the truth to get out, she knew Jax and Harry couldn't be fooled. That much was obvious as soon as they walked in and saw her face. Harry's eyes creased with pain and anger. Without hesitation he came over to Nel and gently touched her face, "Oh, my sweet Nelly... what happened to you?"

She broke down crying, seeking comfort in his embrace. While Harry engulfed her in a hug, Tara explained quietly. Jax swore under his breath and said, "My dad would have never let it happen."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you." Harry whispered into Nelly's hair, still holding her close, "But that bastard won't get away with hurting you."

The boys exchanged a grim look as Jax added, "SAMCRO will make sure of it." And with heavy steps, and heavier hearts, they left the room.

+0+

"Clay, whatever you're planning, we want to be part of it." Said Jax as he entered the Rosewood chapel, passing Gemma in the door.

"Damn right." Harry seconded, half a step behind him.

"You boys stay out of this!" Jax's mother raised her voice as she turned around.

"I got this, Gemma." Clay told her, quietly.

"You better." She gave him a long look, and left slamming the chapel door.

"I don't see kuttes on you two young guns." Clay took a drag of his cigar and blew out a cloud of smoke. He was sitting alone at the table. "Leave it to the patched Sons."

"We are a year away from patching in, Clay, make an exception. She's our friend."

"More than a friend to me," said Harry.

"And I appreciate your need for revenge, but Simon Says is a tough son of a bitch. Trust me, we'll make sure he never comes near Nelly or her aunt again."

Jax was quick to ask, "How are you going to do that?"

"We are giving him one way transfer to the Washington chapter, effective immediately, but not before kicking his ass all the way to Seattle. We have to find him first."

Harry was satisfied to hear that, but it wasn't enough. "He needs to be punished, and I want to be there. Make sure it's done."

"What you need, son, is to be there for your girl." Clay said slowly, definitely. "It'll do her, and you, more good than going after Simon. Piney will do that in your place."

Harry gave Jax a long look, and they communicated wordlessly. It was a reasonable solution, and frankly, Harry didn't want to leave her side.

"We'll tell Nelly." Jax replied. "How long before she can go home?"

"If all goes well, it'll be safe tomorrow."

"Good," said boys in unison and turned to go.

"Thank you, Mr. Morrow," added Harry before he left.

"You bet, kid." Clay whispered as he blew out another cloud of smoke, but the boys were already gone. Simon Says Moriarty was a big asset to the club, but Clay knew well that some things were more important. Justice had to be done, Gemma told him, and he couldn't deny anything to Gemma.

+0+

Nel was glad Tara was still here. As soon as the boys left to see Clay, her friend asked concerned, "Do you want me to stay with you, Nelly?"

"No, it's OK." Nelly shook her head. There was only one person she wanted to be with right now. "I'll ask Harry to stay."

Tara smiled, part sad, part mischief. She hugged Nelly and said, "I'm going to St. Thomas. I'll check on your aunt and let you know how she's doing. Call me if you need anything."

"Thanks for saving my ass, Tara," Nelly whispered into the mass of dark hair. "For everything."

"Any time, Nel." And with that, was she gone.

Harry returned in a few minutes and sat down next to her on the bed, pulled her into his lap, and she didn't care that he was in greasy overalls and smelled of engine oil. She curled into him eagerly, her head resting under his chin.

"It'll be okay, sugar, I'll take care of you," he whispered, his lips moving against her hair. And what he said was true. Being in Harry's arms, hearing his low, soothing voice and feeling the strong, steady beat of his heart, made Nelly feel safe and sound. Like whatever happened today was only a bad dream. Nel's fear melted away and finally, she relaxed. Then she remembered her biggest worry.

"Harry, promise me you won't go after Simon."

"Trust me, I would if Clay had let me. He thinks Sons will find him tonight and he'll be gone by tomorrow."

"Thank you." She murmured against his neck.

"I'll stay with you, keep you safe."

"I know, big guy," She looked up into Harry's concerned eyes and wiped off an oily smear from the tip of his nose. "But I'm sure you've got jobs to finish first."

"I don't want to leave you alone." It was obvious Harry felt like he failed Nelly somehow and wanted to make it up to her.

"Go on, I'll be fine." Nel gave him a reassuring smile, "You'll be close enough."

"There is only Jax and me in the garage and we've got a last minute break job to finish, then clean-up." Harry's forehead creased while he reasoned it out.

"Jax will blow his top if you'll ditch him now."

"Gimme a couple of hours, okay?" He was clearly asking for her permission.

"Okay." She kissed him and reluctantly climbed out of his embrace.

Nelly watched Harry leave and close the door behind him. As soon as he was gone, she locked it and headed for the shower. The bathroom was small, but surprisingly clean, and Nelly got a feeling she had Gemma to thank for that. Once she felt sufficiently cleansed, she scoured the room for something to do. Finding only Jack Kerouac's On the Road and a few raunchy videos, Nel settled for the book. She didn't like it, but there was no other way to occupy her time, so she endured it until Harry knocked on the door two hours later, as promised.

"Everything okay?" He asked as he slipped in and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"Fine. All quiet."

"I'm filthy, I need a shower."

"Do you think I could go find us something to eat?" Nelly asked, unsure.

"There's a kitchen behind the bar. The fridge is always full."

Nel still hesitated and Harry added, "Chibs is the only one there, but you can wait until I'm done and we'll go together."  
>"No," she was determined not to let the fear win, "I'll do it."<p>

Nelly returned a quarter of an hour later, with a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches and two mugs of canned soup.

"I didn't find much..." Nel said, as she walked in the door, but what she saw took her breath away and the words died on her lips.

Harry was sitting at the foot of the bed. One large towel was wrapped around his hips and he was drying his hair with another. Drops of water were still glistening on his broad, curved back and muscles in his arms flexed as he rubbed his head dry. Nelly nearly dropped what she had in her hands, as hot feeling surged through her. It was an instant want, an undeniable hunger, like none she's ever felt. She put the dishes on the dresser, then closed the door of the room and turned the lock.

"Something wrong, Nelly?" Harry stopped and looked up, concerned.

"No, everything is fine." She smiled at him in a way which prompted Harry to stand up and come to her slowly. He must have sensed the heat rising in her belly, because as soon as he reached Nel, his lips hungrily covered hers.

All of Nelly's instincts, the ones that kept a wall between them, now whispered that she wanted him, deeply and desperately. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, Nel knew that the time was right.

"Stay with me tonight, Harry," she said against his lips.

He stopped and drew back a little, but there was hopeful expectation in his eyes as he asked,

"Do you mean..?"

"Yes..." She whispered breathlessly, determined and so in love.

Harry touched her bruised face tenderly with his hand, searching her eyes for answers. "After today? Are you sure?"

"That's why I don't want to wait anymore, Harry. I want this, with you."

He kissed her again and Nelly felt a spark ignite, their bodies respond. The swell of feelings within her was nearly overwhelming and her courage faltered. Harry interrupted the kiss and Nelly thought he must have sensed her hesitation, but what he said, surprised her.

"Listen Nel, I need to tell you something..." he whispered, his eyes looking away. She hasn't seen him so shy and flustered since the day they've met, and it sent a cold shiver of anxiety down her spine. "I've never done this before, I've never been with a girl."

"That makes two of us." She exhaled relieved, felt herself blush, then realised that what she said didn't make any sense, "Well, you know what I mean..."

Harry's lips turned up in a small smile, but then his eyes clouded again as he said, "I... I want to do right by you... I don't want to let you down."

Nel silenced him with another kiss. She felt just as insecure as he did, but then remembered all the times they've explored each other under blankets at drive-ins, and was certain as she told him, "You won't."

There were no more words, only soft caresses and bold strokes, honey-sweet glow and feverish heat. Guided by instinct, her fingers and lips glided over Harry's skin and stilled his breath, raked him with shivers. His every touch, slow and gentle, set her body on fire and made her want to weep out of love, out of lust. She was already falling to pieces when they melted into each other and then exploded together like a firework.

She returned fuzzy and boneless, only aware of Harry's hot, quick breath in her ear, the sweet weight of his body on top of her, his long arms surrounding her. He moved to the side, never letting go, cradling her like a treasure.

He kissed her forehead, his breath warming her face, "You okay?"

"More than okay..."

"I can't believe I'm here with you."

"Should I pinch you?" She smiled, nipped his neck gently with her teeth, and heard Harry take in a sharp, involuntary breath.

"Wow..." His chest rumbled with a low, delicious laugh, "I believe it now."

Nel nestled her head under Harry's chin and felt his lips rest on top of her head as he inhaled deeply. She felt full of liquid warmth, aglow like a firefly, "You know, I always expected my first time to be something awkward and painful, but this... You made it beautiful and so good."

Harry smiled as he tilted her head up and brushed wild waves of hair away from her face, "You are beautiful, Nelly. I'm just a tool."

"Never a tool, Harry." She said seriously as she touched his lips with her fingers."You are everything to me."

"I love you, Nelly, I always will." Harry said, his eyes intent and earnest on hers.

"I know." She'd have to be blind not to see that. Nelly leaned into him, her lips nearly on top of his. She whispered, "I love you too, Harry. Forever," and prayed with all her heart that it would last.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31- Fast Car**

As he held Nelly in his arms, her long graceful limbs wrapped around him, Harry felt that something changed tonight. Before Nelly, SAMCRO was the place he wanted to belong, but now he belonged to her, and suddenly the club didn't matter as much anymore. The love and devotion he had for the club paled in comparison to what he felt for the girl in his arms. He felt all grown up, as if overnight he became a man. And for her, he wanted to be a better man.

Harry was sure that he could share with Nelly thoughts he would never voice to anyone else. She was the only one he could tell about doubts weighing on his mind, "You know, maybe I should stick with football, fight for that scholarship..."

"Is it because of what your mother said?" Nelly's eyebrows creased, a hint of anger in her voice.

"No, I've been thinking about it for a while. Remember when you asked me months ago about plan B?"

"I didn't say that to change your mind, Harry."

"I know you didn't," He was certain of that and pulled Nel closer to reassure her. "But it's been on my mind. Since Cliff died."

Nelly settled in against him, her fingers resting lightly over his heart, her eyes serious on his, "Think about where you want to be in ten years, Harry. Do what's right for you, what would make you happy."

After everything they've been through, months of Nel treating him kindly, loving him the way no one else ever did and being a good friend, he wanted her to know. "You make me happy, Nel, you would in ten years."

He could tell by the way her eyes filled with tears and her lips curled in a smile that it would make her happy too. It gave him courage to continue, "I know we're young, but I want you for the rest of my life."

She looked up into his eyes, joyful tears overflowing, "Oh, Harry..." She whispered and kissed him fiercely, "Sometimes I think that it doesn't matter where life takes me, as long as I'm with you, it'll be okay."

Harry hoped Nelly would feel this way, but hearing it from her, said clearly and plainly, suddenly redefined his life.

"Let's start now," he said and saw his own determination reflected in Nelly's eyes, "Move in with me, Nel."

"Are you serious?" Her face was a mixture of excitement and caution.

"Totally serious. Most days I have the house to myself. Pops is hiding out in the cabin, running from my mother."

"Don't you need to ask him first?"  
>"Our house is your house. Besides, he thinks you're the best thing since sliced bread." Harry smiled, knowing how much Piney adored Nel.<p>

"I'll chip in with housework, clean and cook for us."

He obviously had her convinced, but didn't want her to feel like this was some kind of a trap, so he added, "You don't need to do anything. I want you to have a place you can call home, Nelly. There's an extra bedroom for you, so you know, you'll have your space..."

"If we're going to live together, then I want to sleep next to you." Nel interrupted in a whisper and made him blush.

"Nothing I want more." Harry couldn't help but kiss her again. His mind raced ahead, new opportunities unfolding, "After high school we can go to college together, me on that scholarship and you to become a teacher. Maybe I could go pro, and if that doesn't pan out, we could always come back to Charming."

"I'll teach English in Kennedy High and you'll be Jax's VP." Nel said with a cheeky smile.

"That'll be plan B."

"And you know what?" She beamed at him, "I'll be happy either way."

Harry felt so lucky, and suddenly he was hopeful about the future. Whether he'd end up playing football or fixing cars or back with SAMCRO in Charming, he'd have Nelly. And right at that moment, there was nothing more he wanted out of life.

+0+

Nelly woke up to a knock on the door. She felt Harry's body spooned behind her, his arm draped protectively over her shoulder. He was sleeping deeply and was undisturbed by the noise. Nelly slid out of his embrace, and pulled on his Aerosmith shirt before she went to the door. "Who is it?" she asked.

"It's Tara. Jax and I brought you some breakfast."

Nelly opened the door a crack, "I'll be right out."

Tara looked at the t-shirt, and then gave her a big smile. "Had a good night?"

Nelly smiled back, unable to contain herself. "Yes, a very good night."

"I can tell. Come on, we've got enough food to feed a small army."

Nel took a quick shower, but Harry was still asleep by the time she was done. She leaned over his sleeping form, stretched out on his stomach across the bed, her hair dripping water on his bare back. He twitched and scrunched up his face, but still slept. Nel smiled, trying to decide if it was worth waking him, but she was starving and was sure he would be too. She kissed his neck, right under his ear, and whispered, "Good morning, sunshine. Breakfast's here."

Nelly and Harry sat at the bar next to their friends, devouring breakfast of bagels and scrambled eggs and muffins, while Tara updated them on Linda's condition. She was seriously hurt, but the doctors were hopeful, and Nelly was anxious to see her as soon as possible. It seemed that most of the Sons were sleeping off last night, as only one of the prospects and Bobby were around. As they were finishing their coffee, Bobby got off the phone and called out, "Simon's gone."

"Gone? As in, to Seattle?" Asked Jax, his eyebrow cocked.

"As in, you don't need to worry about him anymore. Nelly's free to go." Bobby said it without malice, but also without satisfaction. Everyone at the bar counter gave a relieved sigh.

"Do you think I could go to the hospital now?" Nel asked Bobby.

"You can do whatever you like, sweetheart." He smiled at her kindly, and then poured himself a shot of whiskey. The boys and their girls were gone before he had a chance to pour it down his throat.

+0+

It was a quiet Sunday morning, most people were still lounging around or out in church, and traffic was light. Harry was driving Nelly to the hospital, his hand intertwined with Nel's, and he felt happy to be close to her, content in the innate knowledge that they belonged together and nothing was going to change that. Still, he could sense the nervous tension in her body, see the anxiety in her face.

The eerie hush and antiseptic smell of the hospital made Harry's skin crawl. It was too vivid reminder of the mess he got himself into a little while ago. It brought up conflicting feelings, the terror and helplessness of being half dead as well as the joy of having kissed Nelly for the first time. Now his girl brought him back to the present, her hand closing tighter around his, as if she was trying to find courage in the strength of his touch. They entered a quiet airy room, where only one of three beds was occupied. The woman in it could hardly be seen behind machines and bandages. Nelly let out a quiet sob, and tried to muffle it with her free hand. Harry wasn't surprised at her reaction, knowing she was ravaged by guilt for leaving Linda behind. He put his arm around Nel and held her to his side, but said nothing. Nel wiggled out gently of his embrace and walked up to the bed, took her aunt's hand, but the woman did not even stir. Nelly just stood there and Harry didn't want to do anything to interrupt the silence. They hardly noticed a nurse enter the room.

"Are you family?" The plum, middle-aged woman asked quietly.

"Yes, I'm her niece." Nelly said.

"I can see you are concerned, but let me put your mind at ease. She may not look it, but your aunt is doing well. She's in medically induced coma, so that her internal injuries can heal. It'll be a long road, but the doctors are expecting full recovery, as long as there are no complications."

"Thank you," Nel tried to smile, but failed, "May I stay with her for a bit?"

"Of course." The nurse smiled back warmly, "Visiting hours end at four in the afternoon. You can stay until then."

Nelly pulled up a chair to the bed and sat down, never letting go of Linda's hand. She was very quiet and still for a few long moments as she watched the ventilator do its dance and heart monitors blink and beep. Then she rested her forehead on their intertwined hands and sobbed again.

Harry couldn't bare to see Nel so broken, so he said gently, "She'll get better, just give it time, sugar."  
>"It's my fault..."<br>"Not yours, Nel. Simon's."

"I shouldn't have left her..."

"If you didn't, you'd be in the bed next to her, or worse." His skin prickled with anxiety at a thought of Nelly being hurt. "She took care of you, because that's what we do for people we love."

Nel took a few deep, steadying breaths, and then her green eyes turned to him, tears still fresh on her eyelashes, "You're right. I'm not doing her any good sitting here." She stood up, suddenly determined, "Can you take me to aunt Linda's house? I'm sure it's a mess after what happened. I'll clean up, make it tidy and welcoming for when she gets out of here."

It was better than mourning and casting blame, thought Harry as he gave Nel a quick nod of agreement and a warm smile. Harry was amazed to find that just when she seemed most fragile, Nel would find an iron backbone to help her deal with any kind of crap life threw at her.

Nelly was right, Linda's house was a disaster. The kitchen seemed to have taken most of the abuse, with splintered kitchen cabinets and scattered pots and dishes.

"I'll stay, help you out." He offered, the stale aftermath of violence making him worry.

"Thanks, Harry, but it's something I need to do. It'll be all right."

"Okay," he agreed reluctantly, but he understood. And Nel had a way with him. "I'll be back soon."

"Give me a couple of hours." Then she reached up to Harry's face, tracing his lips with her fingers, "You know, you are amazing." And then she kissed him deeply. His knees buckled for a moment, and in an instant, Harry was reminded of last night and the feel of her naked skin against him... Harry had to pull away fast, before he got a chance to unbutton her jeans.

"And don't forget to pack your stuff. You're moving in with me today." He smiled as his hands moved away from the curves of Nel's body and to the soft skin of her face. He tingled with happy anticipation, "I'll see you later, beautiful."  
>"Can't wait, big guy." Her eyes flashed playfully as Nel smiled at him. She stretched up on her tiptoes to kiss him again, "I love you."<p>

+0+

After he dropped Nelly off, Harry headed straight to the tattoo shop, where a lot of SAMCRO tattoos were done. He was familiar with everyone working there, and most of them knew him well enough.

"You know it's permanent, right?" Thor, the most artistic of the bunch, slurred around his cigarette once he heard what Harry wanted. "Believe me, boy, women are fickle. They come and go."  
>"Whatever happens, I'll love her for the rest of my life."<p>

"Fine. It's your dime, brother, but you've been warned. No refunds, no returns." he smacked his lips as long, daft fingers placed the cigarette in a heaping ashtray and swiftly picked up pencil and sketchpad. "All right, give it to me. What d'you want? What's she like?"

While Harry told him of Nelly, the man doodled on the sheet of paper, drawing sirens and vines of roses. But once Harry was done, he turned the page and quickly made a new sketch.

And that was what Harry got inked on the curved crest of his left shoulder, at the top of his arm. The letters "Nelly" were written in a flowing script, following the natural curve of his body, the flourish on the letter 'y' forming number eight lying on its side just under the crescent made by the name. Thor called it an infinity symbol, the never-ending. Harry had no idea this was exactly what he wanted until he was looking down on the finished piece, his skin raw and puckered. It was perfect.

Harry drove back to Linda's house like a bat out of hell, his truck groaning in protest, but he was eager to share the tattoo with Nelly. He parked in a hurry, ran to the front door and was surprised to find it ajar. Something stirred in his gut as he barged on in, calling Nelly's name, but the house was quiet and still. In the kitchen, he saw sink full of soapy water and a shattered shell of a coffee mug on the floor. Nelly's bag was where she left it on the kitchen table. Cold panic seized him, his lungs refused to expand, take in another breath. Something bad happened here, Harry felt sure of it. He frantically searched the entire house and then asked the neighbours, but no one had seen anything. His Nelly was in trouble and he couldn't find her. His shaky fingers refused to work as he dialled Jax and Tara. Then each of them went looking any place Nel could possibly had gone. Troy Hathaway's house was Harry's first stop, but it was also empty and dishevelled. It was hard to tell whether it's been abandoned, ransacked, or if this was its natural state. While Harry drove from one place to the next, his hand unconsciously stroking the brand new sting of his tattoo, as if Nel was close enough to touch, as if he could conjure her up with some pagan magic. Jax was already waiting for him when Harry finally came home. His blonde brother got the word out to the Sons and Chief Unser, while Tara checked at the hospital and called Donna. Piney and Gemma joined the search too, but Nelly was nowhere to be found.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you all for reading and returning to this story after a long break between updates. Real life has kept me insanely busy, but I will do my best to update soon :)<em>


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32 - Holding on to You**

Nelly woke up to the lull of an old engine in a dusty back seat of a car. As soon as she opened her eyes, she recognized it as her father's Olds. Fear was rising in her stomach as Nel sat up and tried to get her bearings. She saw that Troy was driving. A barren desert stretched all around them, broken by red mountains outlined against purple dusk of the horizon. They passed a highway marker, a white shield with black letters. It read COLORADO U.S. 160. And then she remembered. The sting in her arm and the feeling of a needle going in.

An uncontrolled sob ripped out of her chest. The old bastard made good on his promise. Troy was driving to his parents' house in Wichita. And every second travelled on this empty highway was taking her farther away from Harry and Charming. Nelly wanted to roar with grief and anger, but her throat felt tight and dry.

Troy noticed movement behind him. "Up so soon? This stuff was supposed to knock out a horse for a day."

"You can't do this to me!" Nel wanted to scream, but her voice came out a raspy whisper.

She saw the reflection of Troy's eyes in the rear view mirror. They were bloodshot and shifty. Her old man was sneaking a look at the seat next to him, and she was instantly gripped by panic. What if he had a gun?

Guided by instinct more than reason, she reached around the driver's seat and put her thin arms around his neck, pulling back as hard as she could. Troy gasped and clawed at the skin of Nel's arm, but her grip was firm and unrelenting. The car began veering off the pavement and onto the sandy shoulder. Nelly didn't care what happened next, as long as they stopped moving forward. But before Troy had a chance to either stop the car or crash it, he reached to the seat next to him, then plunged a needle in her arm and emptied the syringe. Nelly felt a searing pain, then the world swirled around her and turned to black.

+0+

Harry was sure that if Nel was to come back, she'd come here, to him, so he parked himself on the front porch of his father's house. Piney and Jax tried to console and encourage, while Gemma assured him that Simon couldn't have been involved. Chief Unser came by, telling him that maybe new information would come to light, maybe witnesses would come forward in the next few days, that Harry needed to be patient. But Harry could barely contain his rage and guilt, and desperate tears. How could he be patient while Nelly was missing? What he needed was to find Nelly, except he had no idea where else to look. This feeling of complete uselessness was gnawing at him day and night. Their words – however kind and well-intentioned - did nothing to appease his fears, the prickling needles down his spine that wouldn't let Harry sit still. With every passing minute, somewhere in the depth of him, Harry knew that the longer he waited, the farther Nelly was taken away from him, and at that rate, he would never catch up to her.

+0+

As if feeling Nelly's absence, Linda's condition began to deteriorate, her body loosing the will to go on. She passed away quietly, never having come out of the coma. SAMCRO took care of all arrangements. There were only a few people at the funeral, among them Donna and her family. Harry shouldn't have been surprised to see them. Linda and the Parkers were linked by Nelly, he remembered, and his heart caved in at that thought all over again. Donna was very different from the shy, scared girl he met at the dance. She seemed to stand a little taller and there was a hard, determined expression in her eyes. There was new strength in her, new confidence too, as she approached Harry while he was walking away from the grave. She pulled on his sleeve to stop him and said, "Hey, remember me? Your name's Harry, right?"  
>"Opie." He corrected her. His other name brought back too many memories.<p>

Donna looked at her feet, hesitating, then said, "I'm sorry about Nelly."

"She's not dead," Harry replied defiantly and turned his face away. He didn't want her to see him swallow tears. When he could trust himself to speak again, he admitted, "But it feels like we've buried her today."

"We can't give up hope, Opie. Maybe she'll get in touch soon, let us know where she is."

He nodded without conviction and changed tracks, "You must miss her."  
>"Yeah, I do," she breathed out a big, sad sigh, "And I regret pushing her away. I've wasted all this time I could have have spent with her..."<p>

Harry had his own regrets. Of not protecting Nelly better, of letting go when he should have listened to his gut and stayed. He watched sunlight play in the birch trees towering over graves, then said, "She missed you too."

Donna seemed lost for words. She turned to go, then came back and said, "Listen, if you hear anything about Nelly, will you let me know?"

He nodded, "Will do. You too."

She nodded back and walked away.

+0+

Within days after Nelly's disappearance, it became clear that Troy was gone too. Without any urging from Opie, Piney sent out feelers to the Nomads, hoping that maybe some of their scattered brothers had a word or a glimpse of Nel and her old man. Days passed and nothing came of it. Even a state-wide missing person report was useless. There was no sign of Nelly.

There was only one more lead they didn't tap into. Ernest Darby, the skinhead boss of the Nords. Piney remembered well the night when Darby came on to Nelly in front of her father's house, and the cozy relationship he seemed to have with Troy Hathaway. If there was anyone with some answers, then Darby would be it. Opie and his old man found him well past midnight in a dark parking of a strip joint. The skinhead was fond of the place and usually left full of liquor. They approached him soundlessly as Darby was fumbling for his car keys. Before the bold man knew what was happening, he had a black hood over his head, his hands and knees bound, and he'd been tossed into the bed of a truck. Opie hopped in after him, while Piney took the wheel. They drove down to the woods and found a secluded hunting trail. Darby thrashed and yelled in anger, but it didn't do him any good. Once the truck stopped deep in the trees, Opie rolled him out of the truck bed and the skinhead dropped to the ground like a brick. Piney yanked the man to his knees. For a long moment, the only sounds around them were Darby's ragged breath and the song of crickets.  
>"Just do it." He rasped with defiance.<p>

"Aren't you in a hurry to meet the devil." Piney pulled off the hood and gave Darby a cold smile. "Remember me?"

"Oh, shit."

"Not happy to see me?"

"What the fuck do you want?"

Piney bent down, his face levelled with Darby's, "Information. About Troy Hathaway, and more precisely about his daughter."

"That sweet piece of ass? Oh, I was so close..." He didn't get a chance to finish, as Opie's fist connected swiftly with his jaw. Darby fell over in a heap. Oh, it felt good, hitting something responsible for Nelly's misery, thought Opie, and channelling all of his futile anger and misery into the blow.

"This will get you nothing." the skinhead groaned.

"You'd be surprised. We're just getting started." Piney pulled the big bold man back to his knees, "Now don't blame my son for being upset. It's his girl you're disrespecting. He's plenty angry. And he's plenty strong."

Opie pulled up Darby's face with a firm hand, so their eyes would meet, "Where is she?"

"Oh, did the young filly run off on you?" Darby was rewarded with another hit to the face. This one broke his lip and smeared blood across his teeth. He spat and laughed. "Who wouldn't run from a green squirt like you? What she needed was a real man."

Opie didn't hesitate to hit him again, aiming at the nose. It gave a satisfying crunch and made Darby groan in pain. He fell over again, his breathing wet and laboured.

"Not laughing now, are you?" Opie wiped his bloody hand with a bandana.

Piney leaned over Darby. "Information," he repeated.

"I know nothing."  
>"You lie." Said Opie, then his steel toe boot slammed into Darby's ribs. The man on the ground cried out. Other than being an outlet for his frustration, this was getting them nowhere fast.<p>

"Let's try this again." the older biker said evenly, "What do you know about Troy and Nelly leaving town?"

A few long seconds passed, before Darby found his voice, "Troy has parents in Cheyenne, in Colorado. He said he'd take the girl there if she ever got in too deep with bikers."

Opie was aiming at him again, when his father stilled his arm and asked the man on the ground, "Have you heard from Troy since they've disappeared?"

"No. He's been off the grid."

"See, it wasn't so hard." The patched Son cut the rope binding Darby's hands and knees, then studied him for a long moment. He added, "If you're lying, we'll be back. Understand?"

Darby said nothing and he didn't move. As Opie and his dad made their way to the truck, they heard a wet chuckle coming from the skinhead. It was more of a sob than a laugh, but it got under Opie's skin. As he slammed the truck door shut, he said to his father, "How do we know he was telling the truth?"

Piney sighed, "I can't say I trust this sack of shit, but it's the only lead we've got, son."

Opie had to agree, it was more than they had when the day began. Even the most bleak hope, the most remote possibility, was better than none.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33 – One Light Left in Heaven**

By next morning, father and son were on their way to Colorado, Opie following Piney's bike on his own. The hope of finding Nelly was so real, Opie could taste it in the cold wind blowing down the desert highway. The house they were looking for in Cheyenne was in a poor, but tidy neighbourhood, where the lawns were neatly clipped and the small houses well-kept. It took a while before they finally found the one they were looking for. It was one among many nearly identical houses, all standing like soldiers at attention in long rows. They parked hastily and Opie rushed up the creaky wooden steps and onto a mosquito net porch. He banged his fist on the front door, barely stopping short from breaking it down. It seemed like forever before it was opened by an old man, who despite his age was tall and muscular. His hair was mostly gray, but for a few streaks of fiery copper.

"I'm looking for Nelly Hathaway, Troy's daughter." Opie said breathlessly, his throat tight and dry, "Is she here?"

The man squinted at him, "And you are?"

"I'm Piney Winston, this is my son Opie." His dad was right behind him and Opie felt a calming hand on his shoulder.

"Nelly is... my friend." Harry explained, "She's disappeared without a trace from our hometown and we are trying to find her. We mean her no harm."

"I don't care what you want with her," The old man shrugged carelessly, and Opie instantly wanted to punch his lights out. "'Cause she ain't here. Haven't seen her in a long while."

"So they haven't been around the last month or so?" Piney prompted smoothly.

The old man shook his head, "It's been more than five years since that bastard I'm ashamed to call my son came to visit with his little girl. I told him then not to show his face here again. And I'm mighty glad he listened. I don't shit gold bricks, you know."

There was no way Harry was going to take _that_ for an answer. He craned his neck around the man's shoulder into a quiet house, "Are you sure? Can I have a look?"

"Are you deaf or hare-brained, boy?" The man's eyes glinted angrily, "I don't know where either one is, but sure as hell they ain't here."

The breath was knocked clean out of Opie. He didn't know what to feel, whether to accept or fight what he found. This place, this man was the last chance to find Nel. Opie's last hope was yanked from under him so swiftly, he felt like he was free falling without a parachute. The old man must have recognized the shock and despair in his face, because he added more kindly, "Why won't you have a seat on the porch, have a rest... I've got beer cooling in the fridge, if you'll have it."

Harry couldn't find words to reply. The world around him became a fog that he found difficult to navigate.

"Thanks, but we'll be going now." Piney grumbled, as he took his son by the elbow and pulled him to the stairs, "Sorry for the trouble."  
>"No trouble." said old Hathaway as his gaze lingered on Opie. "Hope you'll find her."<p>

Harry staggered down the porch stairs, grief and despair nearly blinding him. He sat heavily on the bottom step, his shoulders slumping under an invisible weight, his head falling into his hands. He heard the step creak as Piney sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry, son," he whispered and put a comforting arm around Harry's shoulder, but said no more.

Harry felt his eyes burning, tears clouding his vision. He blinked and let them fall like heavy raindrops. "I've lost her, dad."

"We'll keep looking. Maybe we'll get a word from the Nomads." Piney tried to sound optimistic, but it was obvious he was not confident in his own words. "We followed every lead, left no stone unturned. There's nothing more we can do, Opie."

Harry watched his tears make little puddles on the cracked pavement under his boots. "I love Nelly more than anything, and now she's gone."

He half expected to be told that another girl would come along, that life would move on, but it seemed that Piney knew better and remained silent. They sat like that for a little while, then Opie wiped his face and took a deep breath, but it was still too hard to get up and move.

Finally, Piney pulled him up, "Come on, son, we've got a long ride home."

Opie had no choice but to accept what they found here - nothing. His heart ached as he walked away and the last ember of hope to bring Nel home was extinguished. He didn't know what to do next. His entire being lived and breathed this search for Nelly. Now that the search was over, he felt like he had lost his reason for living. Maybe life would go and he would find a way to live without her, but the truth was that without Nelly, there was only one thing he had left.

When they returned, Harry quit school. His head wasn't in it, and truth be told, he never cared much about it anyway. With Nelly gone, Jax became his rock and the club became their heaven. He was Opie again, Piney's son, a prospect and a car mechanic. He spent every day at the Teller-Morrow garage and every night looking for Nelly on the streets of Charming and as far as his bike would take him. In the darkest of nights, when sleep wouldn't come, Opie was afraid that some sick fuck took his Nelly to do cruel and unimaginable things to her. Those nights filled him with futile anger and heartbreaking misery. On better days, against all odds, he half hoped and half dreaded she had left him, overwhelmed by this new life they were supposed to start together. He hoped that maybe she was safe, even if away from him. But most of all, he grieved as if Nelly were dead. He didn't have a comfort of knowing what happened, or even having a marker to visit where he could pretend she rested, where he could talk to her. The only thing he had left of Nelly was the tattoo on his shoulder. The thing that was meant to be a declaration of his undying love, became instead a constant reminder of what he'd lost.

The time without her stretched like molasses, one day melting into another, each same as the one that came before it. He raged and raved, and drunk way too much, bitter with life and angry with whatever took Nel. Six weeks after she disappeared, on his seventeenth birthday, he went out to his thinking rock on Folsom Lake. It was something he did all the time, this torment he found in _their_ special places, a perfect way to remember her and make more of those tiny razor cuts on his soul. He sat there until sun went down and moon grew fat over the lake, with a quart of whiskey and a joint for company. It was pitch black when he heard the disturbance on the beach, the sound of pebbles being crunched under someone's feet, and for a brief moment he thought it was Nelly coming to see him. And then Jax's blonde head popped up over the edge of the rock, and then the rest of his body followed as he pulled himself up to sit next to Opie.

"Come on, brother, if you're going to get high and drunk on your birthday, at least have the decency to invite me," said Jax, looking out over the lake.

"I want to be alone."

"Well, I'm here now." Jax's voice had an edge to it. He pulled the liquor bottle out of Opie's hand and took a deep swallow, then said, "Stop punishing yourself, Ope. You've done everything you could to find her. I know you loved her..."  
>"I still love her." he corrected his best friend harshly, then realized he had no reason to be pissed off with Jax, so he added quietly, "She was the one for me."<p>

"I know, Ope... What you've had with Nelly was... something else." Jax's lips curled up in a small, sad smile. "God knows Tara and I will never be like that. Sometimes it made me feel fucking jealous..."

Opie glanced at this best friend and brother. Their eyes met for a moment and he could see that Jax wasn't just saying it to make him feel better. Just another razor nick on his scar tissue.

"I'd be glad to have a few beers with you or some JD any day, but you've been drinking steadily since you came back from Cheyenne." Jax sighed and continued. "You can't go on wasting away like this, brother."  
>"You've been there, Jax. Your dad's accident, then Cliff... You know what it feels like to lose someone..."<p>

"All I can tell you is don't let it eat you up. You're not alone. You've got your dad, you've got me. You've got the club. We'll be patched in less than a year. Your brothers will keep you whole, Ope."

He studied Jax, thinking of whether he could be whole again, and deep down knew the answer. "Maybe, but that's not how it feels right now."

"I know, believe me." Jax stopped and swallowed hard. When he spoke again, his voice was heavy with tears. "When my dad died, Nelly told me that even if it hurts like hell now, time will make it heal. And in some ways it did. So give yourself time, man, and while you wait, don't be killing yourself. What would I do without my bro, my best bud, my partner in crime?"

Everyone had their pain. Everyone had cracks they were trying to patch up or hide. Even golden Jax, with his dead baby brother and father gone before his time. But if Jax could put himself together, so could he.

Opie couldn't help but feel a little lighter, "Guilt trip? Reall? Jerk." He gave him a little shove.

Jax shoved him back, "Asshole."

+0+

When the pain of finding nothing in Colorado dulled, Opie went to see Donna. He knocked on the Parkers' door, which was answered by a squat man with dark hair and a suspicious look in his eye. "Do I know you?" he asked.

"I'm Opie Winston, Nelly's friend. Donna asked me to let her know if I found anything..."

"You can tell me and I'll pass it on," The man was not going to let him in. Thankfully, at that moment, Donna showed up at the door and said, "It's okay, dad. I got this."

She waited for her father to leave, and he did reluctantly with last hostile glance at Opie.

"Don't mind him. He's been a little overprotective since Nelly disappeared." Donna half smiled as she led him down the front steps and to the front gate of their small yard. When they were far enough from the house and its open windows, her face transformed into an anxious frown as she asked, "So, what's the news?"

"We didn't find her. Nelly wasn't at her grandparents' house in Colorado. The old man said he hasn't seen her in years. It was a dead end, Donna."

"What now?" She whispered, her eyes tearing up.

"I just don't know where else to look... And it's driving me insane." He run his fingers through his short hair in frustrations, feeling his own tears threatening to spill over. Donna laid a comforting hand on his arm. It loosened his tongue and the words tumbled out before he could stop them, "Sometimes I hope that maybe this was her choice. Maybe Nelly left because she wanted to and she's getting on with her life somewhere."

Donna was shaking her head before he finished speaking, then said slowly, measuring her words, "I don't know if it makes better or worse, but I'm sure that's not what happened. The way she talked about you... She loved you. Maybe she would have left everything else, but not you."

Unexpectedly, Opie found solace in Donna's words, although they did nothing to ease his pain. He thought back to the night he spent with Nel, the plans the two of them weaved and the hope they had for the future together. He could never doubt that.

"That makes it worse." he whispered and bit down his lip. He took a deep breath, and decided it was time to go, "I'm sorry I couldn't find her, Donna."

"I know you tried. You did your best."

"Well, it wasn't enough." He said, studying the tips of his steel-toe boots and unable to face her, then turned to go. To his surprise, Donna followed to his bike, as if reluctant to let him go.

"You let me know if you hear anything, okay?" She hugged herself and rubbed her arms nervously.

"Yeah, if..." He got on his bike, wanting to get away.

"And listen, if you ever need someone to talk to... someone to remind you... " Donna wouldn't finish, then shook her head in anger, "Oh, forget it..."

Suddenly he realized that maybe this could be his lifeline. Donna was the one person who cared about Nelly nearly as much as he did, who knew her better than anyone else. She was the last elusive bond to the girl he loved with all of his heart. Maybe this was his only chance to hold on to Nel.

He looked into Donna's anxious eyes for a long moment, then nodded, "I'll see you."

She gave him a tense little smile and stayed rooted by the curb as he sped away.

The END.


End file.
